Matthew Chapter 26
So, after Jesus dropped all that knowledge, he turned to his crew and said,
And it came to pass, when Jesus had finished all these sayings, he said unto his disciples,
"Y’all know the Passover feast is in two days, and the Son of Man is about to get betrayed and crucified, no cap."
Ye know that after two days is {the feast of} the passover, and the Son of man is betrayed to be crucified.
Then the big shots, like the chief priests, scribes, and elders, met up at Caiaphas’ spot,
Then assembled together the chief priests, and the scribes, and the elders of the people, unto the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas,
and schemed to capture Jesus quietly and take him out.
And consulted that they might take Jesus by subtilty, and kill {him}.
But they were like, "Not on the feast day, fam, or it’s gonna blow up with the crowd."
But they said, Not on the feast {day}, lest there be an uproar among the people.
While Jesus was chilling in Bethany at Simon the leper’s pad,
Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,
a woman showed up with this mad fancy alabaster jar of ointment and poured it on his head while he was eating.
There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat {at meat}.
When the disciples peeped this, they were shook, saying, "Why waste all this?"
But when his disciples saw {it}, they had indignation, saying, To what purpose {is} this waste?
"This ointment could’ve been flipped for a lot and given to the needy, fr."
For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.
But Jesus got their vibe and said, "Why y’all stressing the woman? She just did something dope for me."
When Jesus understood {it}, he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.
You always got the poor around, but me? I'm not always here, no cap.
For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.
She poured that ointment on my body, and that was for my burial, fr.
For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did {it} for my burial.
For real, wherever this gospel goes worldwide, what she did will be remembered, periodt.
Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, {there} shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.
Then one of the twelve, Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests, sus vibes.
Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests,
He was like, "What’s the bag for handing him over?" They said thirty pieces of silver, lit.
And said {unto them}, What will ye give me, and I will deliver him unto you? And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of silver.
From then on, he was low-key hunting for a moment to betray him.
And from that time he sought opportunity to betray him.
On the first day of unleavened bread, the disciples pulled up to Jesus, asking where to set up for the Passover meal.
Now the first {day} of the {feast of} unleavened bread the disciples came to Jesus, saying unto him, Where wilt thou that we prepare for thee to eat the passover?
He said, "Go into the city, find this dude, and tell him, 'The Master says my time’s here; I’m doing Passover at your place with my crew.'"
And he said, Go into the city to such a man, and say unto him, The Master saith, My time is at hand; I will keep the passover at thy house with my disciples.
The disciples did what Jesus told them and got the Passover ready, no cap.
And the disciples did as Jesus had appointed them; and they made ready the passover.
When evening rolled around, he chilled with the twelve, vibes on point.
Now when the even was come, he sat down with the twelve.
While they were munching, Jesus said, "No cap, one of y'all is gonna betray me."
And as they did eat, he said, Verily I say unto you, that one of you shall betray me.
They were all super bummed and started asking, "Lord, is it me?"
And they were exceeding sorrowful, and began every one of them to say unto him, Lord, is it I?
He replied, "The one who dips his hand with me in the bowl, that's the snitch."
And he answered and said, He that dippeth {his} hand with me in the dish, the same shall betray me.
The Son of Man is about to go down just like it’s been written, but dang, woe to the dude who betrays him! Better if he was never born, fr.
The Son of man goeth as it is written of him: but woe unto that man by whom the Son of man is betrayed! it had been good for that man if he had not been born.
Then Judas, the one who snitched, was like, "Master, is it me?" Jesus replied, "You said it."
Then Judas, which betrayed him, answered and said, Master, is it I? He said unto him, Thou hast said.
While they were eating, Jesus grabbed some bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to the crew, saying, "Take this, eat; it’s my body."
And as they were eating, Jesus took bread, and blessed {it}, and brake {it}, and gave {it} to the disciples, and said, Take, eat; this is my body. {blessed it: many Greek copies have gave thanks}
He took the cup, gave thanks, and passed it around, saying, "Drink up, all of you."
And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave {it} to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;
"This is my blood of the new covenant, spilled for many to wipe away sins."
For this is my blood of the new testament, which is shed for many for the remission of sins.
"But I’m telling you, I won’t sip on this fruit of the vine again until that day I drink it fresh with you in my Dad’s kingdom."
But I say unto you, I will not drink henceforth of this fruit of the vine, until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father's kingdom.
After they vibed out with a hymn, they bounced to the Mount of Olives.
And when they had sung an hymn, they went out into the mount of Olives. {hymn: or, psalm}
Jesus was like, "Y'all gonna be shook about me tonight, for real. It’s written that I’ll get wrecked and the squad will scatter, no cap."
Then saith Jesus unto them, All ye shall be offended because of me this night: for it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad.
"But after I bounce back, I’ll catch you in Galilee, bet."
But after I am risen again, I will go before you into Galilee.
Peter was all, "Even if everyone else dips on you, I got your back, fr."
Peter answered and said unto him, Though all {men} shall be offended because of thee, {yet} will I never be offended. {offended: or, though the faith of other men should be shaken and fail, yet mine will be firm and constant}
Jesus replied, "For real, I’m telling you, before the rooster crows, you’ll deny me three times, periodt."
Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.
Peter was like, "Even if I gotta die with you, I won’t deny you." All the crew said the same.
Peter said unto him, Though I should die with thee, yet will I not deny thee. Likewise also said all the disciples.
Then Jesus rolls up with them to a place called Gethsemane and tells the crew, "Chill here while I go pray over there."
Then cometh Jesus with them unto a place called Gethsemane, and saith unto the disciples, Sit ye here, while I go and pray yonder.
He brought Peter and the two sons of Zebedee and started feeling heavy vibes and super down.
And he took with him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be sorrowful and very heavy.
He said to them, "My soul is mega sad, like seriously. Stay here and keep watch with me."
And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou {wilt}.
He went a bit further, fell on his face, and prayed, "Yo, Father, if it’s possible, let this cup slide by me; but not my will, your will, no cap."
And he cometh unto the disciples, and findeth them asleep, and saith unto Peter, What, could ye not watch with me one hour?
He came back to the crew and found them knocked out, and said to Peter, "What’s good? You couldn’t stay woke with me for one hour?"
Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed {is} willing, but the flesh {is} weak.
Stay woke and pray, so you don’t fall into temptation: the spirit’s got mad vibes, but the flesh is hella weak.
He went away again the second time, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.
He dipped again for round two, praying, “Yo Father, if this cup can't pass without me drinking it, then let’s do your thing.”
And he came and found them asleep again: for their eyes were heavy.
He came back and found them snoozing again: they were struggling to keep their eyes open.
And he left them, and went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words.
He bounced again and prayed for the third time, saying the same stuff.
Then cometh he to his disciples, and saith unto them, Sleep on now, and take {your} rest: behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of man is betrayed into the hands of sinners.
Then he rolled up on his crew and said, “Sleep on, fam, take your rest: the time is here, and the Son of Man is getting betrayed by some sinners.”
Rise, let us be going: behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.
Get up, let’s bounce: the one who’s about to sell me out is close.
And while he yet spake, lo, Judas, one of the twelve, came, and with him a great multitude with swords and staves, from the chief priests and elders of the people.
While he was still talking, boom, Judas, one of the twelve, showed up with a whole crew, armed with swords and sticks, sent by the big shots and elders.
Now he that betrayed him gave them a sign, saying, Whomsoever I shall kiss, that same is he: hold him fast.
The betrayer gave them a sign, saying, “Whoever I kiss, that’s the one: grab him.”
And forthwith he came to Jesus, and said, Hail, master; and kissed him.
He went straight to Jesus and said, “What’s up, master,” and then kissed him.
And Jesus said unto him, Friend, wherefore art thou come? Then came they, and laid hands on Jesus, and took him.
Jesus asked him, “Yo, friend, why you here?” Then they seized Jesus and took him away.
And, behold, one of them which were with Jesus stretched out {his} hand, and drew his sword, and struck a servant of the high priest's, and smote off his ear.
So, one of the homies with Jesus pulled out his sword and straight-up chopped a dude's ear off. Savage move.
Then said Jesus unto him, Put up again thy sword into his place: for all they that take the sword shall perish with the sword.
Jesus was like, "Chill with the sword, fam. If you live by it, you die by it. No cap."
Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels?
He asked, "You think I can't just hit up my Dad and get like twelve legions of angels right now? Fr."
But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that thus it must be?
But then he's like, "How else are the scriptures gonna pop off if this doesn’t happen?"
In that same hour said Jesus to the multitudes, Are ye come out as against a thief with swords and staves for to take me? I sat daily with you teaching in the temple, and ye laid no hold on me.
Jesus told the crowd, "Y'all rolling up like I'm some thief with swords? I was chilling with you in the temple, and nobody tried to grab me."
But all this was done, that the scriptures of the prophets might be fulfilled. Then all the disciples forsook him, and fled.
But all this went down to make sure the prophets' words hit different. Then all the disciples bounced.
And they that had laid hold on Jesus led {him} away to Caiaphas the high priest, where the scribes and the elders were assembled.
They snagged Jesus and took him to Caiaphas, the high priest, where all the scribes and elders were hanging.
But Peter followed him afar off unto the high priest's palace, and went in, and sat with the servants, to see the end.
But Peter was lowkey following from a distance, sneaking into the high priest’s crib to see how it all unfolded.
Now the chief priests, and elders, and all the council, sought false witness against Jesus, to put him to death;
The chief priests, elders, and the whole squad were looking for some fake witnesses against Jesus to get him canceled.
But found none: yea, though many false witnesses came, {yet} found they none. At the last came two false witnesses,
But they couldn't find anyone, even though a bunch of sus witnesses popped up. Finally, two shady witnesses came through.
And said, This {fellow} said, I am able to destroy the temple of God, and to build it in three days.
This dude said he could wreck God's temple and rebuild it in three days. No cap, that's wild.
And the high priest arose, and said unto him, Answerest thou nothing? what {is it which} these witness against thee?
The high priest stood up and was like, "You not gonna say anything? What’s the tea against you?"
But Jesus held his peace. And the high priest answered and said unto him, I adjure thee by the living God, that thou tell us whether thou be the Christ, the Son of God.
But Jesus kept it chill. The high priest was like, "I swear by the living God, tell us if you’re the Christ, the Son of God."
Jesus saith unto him, Thou hast said: nevertheless I say unto you, Hereafter shall ye see the Son of man sitting on the right hand of power, and coming in the clouds of heaven.
Jesus was like, "You said it. But listen up, you’ll see the Son of Man vibing at the right hand of power, coming in the clouds."
Then the high priest rent his clothes, saying, He hath spoken blasphemy; what further need have we of witnesses? behold, now ye have heard his blasphemy.
The high priest ripped his clothes and was like, "He just dissed God; we don’t need more witnesses. You heard him, fr."
What think ye? They answered and said, He is guilty of death.
They were like, "What’s your take? He’s totally guilty of death."
Then did they spit in his face, and buffeted him; and others smote {him} with the palms of their hands, {the palms...: or, rods}
Then they spat in his face and hit him; others were smacking him with their hands, savage behavior.
Saying, Prophesy unto us, thou Christ, Who is he that smote thee?
They were saying, "Prophesy to us, Christ! Who just hit you?"
Now Peter sat without in the palace: and a damsel came unto him, saying, Thou also wast with Jesus of Galilee.
Meanwhile, Peter was chilling outside the palace, and a girl came up and said, "You were with Jesus from Galilee, right?"
But he denied before {them} all, saying, I know not what thou sayest.
But he was like, "I don’t know what you’re talking about," straight up denying it.
And when he was gone out into the porch, another {maid} saw him, and said unto them that were there, This {fellow} was also with Jesus of Nazareth.
So, when he dipped onto the porch, another girl spotted him and was like, "Yo, this dude was rolling with Jesus of Nazareth."
And again he denied with an oath, I do not know the man.
He straight-up denied it, swearing, "Nah, I don’t know that guy."
And after a while came unto {him} they that stood by, and said to Peter, Surely thou also art {one} of them; for thy speech bewrayeth thee.
After a minute, some peeps came up and said to Peter, "For real, you’re one of them; your vibe gives it away."
Then began he to curse and to swear, {saying}, I know not the man. And immediately the cock crew.
Then he started cursing and swearing, saying, "I don’t know the dude." And right then, the rooster crowed.
And Peter remembered the word of Jesus, which said unto him, Before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice. And he went out, and wept bitterly.
Peter remembered what Jesus said, "Before the rooster crows, you’ll deny me three times." He bounced out and cried hard.