Matthew Chapter 22
So Jesus was like, "Yo, let me hit you with some parables again."
The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son,
The kingdom of heaven compares to a king who threw an epic wedding bash for his son.
And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come.
He sent his squad to invite the people who were on the list, but they totally ghosted.
Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and {my} fatlings {are} killed, and all things {are} ready: come unto the marriage.
So he dispatched more of his crew, saying, "Ayo, my feast is ready. Got oxen and all that, pull up for the wedding!"
But they made light of {it}, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:
But they just brushed it off, bouncing to their farms and other stuff.
And the remnant took his servants, and entreated {them} spitefully, and slew {them}.
The stragglers treated his crew horribly and even did them dirty.
But when the king heard {thereof}, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city.
When the king got wind of it, he was mad af and sent his squad to take care of those murderers and burn their city down.
Then saith he to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy.
Then he told his crew, "The wedding's hype, but those invited ain't worth it."
Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage.
"So head out to the streets and invite everyone you can find to the wedding."
So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests.
The crew went out, scooped up everyone they came across, good and bad, and the wedding was packed with folks.
And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment:
When the king showed up to check out the guests, he spotted a dude not rocking wedding vibes: super sus.
And he saith unto him, Friend, how camest thou in hither not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless.
He said, "Yo, my dude, how'd you roll up in here without a wedding fit?" The dude was straight up silent.
Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast {him} into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Then the king told his crew, "Tie him up and toss him out into the dark; it’s gonna be weeping and gnashing of teeth, no cap."
For many are called, but few {are} chosen.
Many are called, but only a few are the real ones, fr.
Then went the Pharisees, and took counsel how they might entangle him in {his} talk.
Then the Pharisees bounced, scheming on how to trip him up with their words.
And they sent out unto him their disciples with the Herodians, saying, Master, we know that thou art true, and teachest the way of God in truth, neither carest thou for any {man}: for thou regardest not the person of men.
They sent their crew with the Herodians, saying, "Master, we know you’re the real deal and teach God’s way for real, you ain’t worried about people's status."
Tell us therefore, What thinkest thou? Is it lawful to give tribute unto Caesar, or not?
So they asked, "What’s your take? Is it cool to pay tribute to Caesar or nah?"
But Jesus perceived their wickedness, and said, Why tempt ye me, {ye} hypocrites?
But Jesus saw through their shady vibes and said, "Why you testing me, you hypocrites?"
Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny. {penny: in value seven pence halfpenny}
"Show me that tribute cash." They pulled out a penny.
And he saith unto them, Whose {is} this image and superscription? {superscription: or, inscription}
And he asked them, "Whose face and title is this?"
They say unto him, Caesar's. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's; and unto God the things that are God's.
They were like, "Caesar's." And he replied, "Bet, give Caesar what’s his, and give God what’s His."
When they had heard {these words}, they marvelled, and left him, and went their way.
When they heard that, they were shook and just dipped.
The same day came to him the Sadducees, which say that there is no resurrection, and asked him,
On the same day, the Sadducees rolled up, the ones who think there's no coming back, and hit him with a question.
Saying, Master, Moses said, If a man die, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother.
They were like, "Yo, Master, Moses said if a dude dies without kids, his bro should marry the wifey and keep the fam going."
Now there were with us seven brethren: and the first, when he had married a wife, deceased, and, having no issue, left his wife unto his brother:
So we had seven bros: the first married, kicked the bucket, and left his wifey for his brother.
Likewise the second also, and the third, unto the seventh. {seventh: Gr. seven}
Same deal for the second and third, all the way to the seventh.
And last of all the woman died also.
And then the woman passed away too.
Therefore in the resurrection whose wife shall she be of the seven? for they all had her.
So, in the resurrection, whose wifey is she gonna be? They all had her, no cap.
Jesus answered and said unto them, Ye do err, not knowing the scriptures, nor the power of God.
Jesus was like, "Y’all are trippin’, not knowing the scriptures or God’s power."
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.
In the resurrection, they don’t marry or get hitched; they’re like angels hanging out in heaven.
But as touching the resurrection of the dead, have ye not read that which was spoken unto you by God, saying,
Yo, about that resurrection thing, haven’t you checked what God said to you?
I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? God is not the God of the dead, but of the living.
I’m the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, fam. God’s not about dead vibes, but living ones.
And when the multitude heard {this}, they were astonished at his doctrine.
The crowd was shook when they heard this teaching, fr.
But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.
But when the Pharisees found out he silenced the Sadducees, they all linked up.
Then one of them, {which was} a lawyer, asked {him a question}, tempting him, and saying,
Then one of them, a lawyer type, hit him with a question, trying to test him, saying,
Master, which {is} the great commandment in the law?
Yo, what’s the biggest commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
Jesus was like, "You gotta love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, no cap."
This is the first and great commandment.
This is the first and major commandment, periodt.
And the second {is} like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
And the second one’s just like it: love your neighbor as yourself, that’s the vibe.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
All the law and the prophets are based on these two commandments, straight up.
While the Pharisees were gathered together, Jesus asked them,
The Pharisees were chilling together, and Jesus hit them with a question,
Saying, What think ye of Christ? whose son is he? They say unto him, {The Son} of David.
"So, what’s the tea on Christ? Whose son is he?" They replied, "The Son of David, no cap."
He saith unto them, How then doth David in spirit call him Lord, saying,
He was like, "Then how does David, in the spirit, call him Lord, though?"
The LORD said unto my Lord, Sit thou on my right hand, till I make thine enemies thy footstool?
"The Lord said to my Lord, 'Chill on my right hand until I make your enemies your footstool,' fr?"
If David then call him Lord, how is he his son?
"If David's calling him Lord, how's he his son? Like, make it make sense."
And no man was able to answer him a word, neither durst any {man} from that day forth ask him any more {questions}.
And no one could drop a reply, and from that day on, nobody dared to ask him anything else.