Matthew Chapter 15
So some scribes and Pharisees from Jerusalem rolled up to Jesus, like,
Then came to Jesus scribes and Pharisees, which were of Jerusalem, saying,
"Why does your crew ditch the traditions of the elders? They aren’t even washing their hands before they dig in!"
Why do thy disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? for they wash not their hands when they eat bread.
But Jesus fired back, "Why do you guys flex on God’s commandments with your traditions?"
But he answered and said unto them, Why do ye also transgress the commandment of God by your tradition?
God straight up said, "Honor your father and mother; if you diss them, you’re outta here."
For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father and mother: and, He that curseth father or mother, let him die the death.
But you all are like, "If you call it a gift to your parents, then you can just chill."
But ye say, Whosoever shall say to {his} father or {his} mother, {It is} a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me;
And if you don’t show respect for your folks, you’re fine. You’ve totally made God’s rules irrelevant with your traditions.
And honour not his father or his mother, {he shall be free}. Thus have ye made the commandment of God of none effect by your tradition.
Y’all are such fakes; Esaias was lowkey dropping truth about you when he said,
{Ye} hypocrites, well did Esaias prophesy of you, saying,
"These people talk a big game with their mouths and give me lip service, but their hearts are sus."
This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with {their} lips; but their heart is far from me.
They’re just wasting their time worshiping me, teaching human rules instead of my truth.
But in vain they do worship me, teaching {for} doctrines the commandments of men.
Then he called the crowd and was like, "Listen up and get it!"
And he called the multitude, and said unto them, Hear, and understand:
It's not what you munch on that makes you sus; it's the words that come outta your mouth that hit different.
Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man.
Then the squad showed up and was like, "Ayo, did you catch that? The Pharisees were totally triggered by that."
Then came his disciples, and said unto him, Knowest thou that the Pharisees were offended, after they heard this saying?
But he clapped back, saying, "Every plant my Father didn’t plant is getting yeeted."
But he answered and said, Every plant, which my heavenly Father hath not planted, shall be rooted up.
Just leave them be; they’re blind leading the blind. If the blind lead the blind, they’re both gonna flop hard.
Let them alone: they be blind leaders of the blind. And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.
Then Peter was like, "Ayo, break down this parable for us."
Then answered Peter and said unto him, Declare unto us this parable.
And Jesus was like, "Y’all still not vibing with it, huh?"
And Jesus said, Are ye also yet without understanding?
Don't you peep that whatever goes in your mouth goes to your stomach and gets tossed out?
Do not ye yet understand, that whatsoever entereth in at the mouth goeth into the belly, and is cast out into the draught?
But what comes outta your mouth is straight from the heart, and that’s what messes you up.
But those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart; and they defile the man.
'Cause from the heart come all the bad vibes: evil thoughts, murders, cheating, hookups, stealing, lies, and blasphemy.
For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:
These are the things that trip a person up: eating with dirty hands? Nah, that ain't it.
These are {the things} which defile a man: but to eat with unwashen hands defileth not a man.
Then Jesus dipped and cruised to the coastlines of Tyre and Sidon.
Then Jesus went thence, and departed into the coasts of Tyre and Sidon.
And outta nowhere, a Canaanite woman popped up, begging him, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter’s dealing with some serious bad vibes."
And, behold, a woman of Canaan came out of the same coasts, and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, {thou} Son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil.
But he didn’t say a word. His crew came to him, like, "Yo, send her away; she’s all up in our space."
But he answered her not a word. And his disciples came and besought him, saying, Send her away; for she crieth after us.
He replied, "I’m only here for the lost sheep of Israel, no cap."
But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
Then she came and worshipped him, saying, "Lord, help me, fr."
Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
But he said, "It’s not right to take the kids' bread and throw it to the dogs."
But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast {it} to dogs.
She retorted, "True, Lord; but even the dogs get the crumbs that fall from their masters' table."
And she said, Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters' table.
Then Jesus replied, "O woman, your faith is lit: it’s gonna be just as you want." And her daughter was healed right then and there.
Then Jesus answered and said unto her, O woman, great {is} thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour.
And Jesus bounced from there, cruised over to the Sea of Galilee, and climbed a mountain to chill.
And Jesus departed from thence, and came nigh unto the sea of Galilee; and went up into a mountain, and sat down there.
And huge crowds rolled up to him, bringing their peeps who were lame, blind, mute, and all sorts of others, and they laid them at Jesus’ feet; and he healed them, straight up.
And great multitudes came unto him, having with them {those that were} lame, blind, dumb, maimed, and many others, and cast them down at Jesus' feet; and he healed them:
The crowd was shook when they saw the mute talking, the broken healed, the lame walking, and the blind seeing: and they gave mad props to the God of Israel.
Insomuch that the multitude wondered, when they saw the dumb to speak, the maimed to be whole, the lame to walk, and the blind to see: and they glorified the God of Israel.
Then Jesus was like, "Yo, come here, fam. I feel for this crowd; they've been with me for three days and they're starving: I can't just send them away empty, or they'll pass out."
Then Jesus called his disciples {unto him}, and said, I have compassion on the multitude, because they continue with me now three days, and have nothing to eat: and I will not send them away fasting, lest they faint in the way.
His disciples were like, "Where are we gonna find enough bread in the wild to feed all these peeps?"
And his disciples say unto him, Whence should we have so much bread in the wilderness, as to fill so great a multitude?
Jesus asked them, "How many loaves you got?" They replied, "Seven, and some tiny fish."
And Jesus saith unto them, How many loaves have ye? And they said, Seven, and a few little fishes.
Then he told the crowd to chill and sit down on the ground.
And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the ground.
He took the seven loaves and fish, gave thanks, broke them, and passed them to his disciples, who then shared with the crowd.
And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake {them}, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.
Everyone ate and was full: they even collected seven baskets of leftovers.
And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the broken {meat} that was left seven baskets full.
Those who ate were four thousand men, not counting the women and kids.
And they that did eat were four thousand men, beside women and children.
After that, he sent the crowd away, hopped on a boat, and cruised over to Magdala.
And he sent away the multitude, and took ship, and came into the coasts of Magdala.