Mark Chapter 3
So Jesus showed up at the synagogue again, and there was this guy with a messed-up hand, major sus energy.
And he entered again into the synagogue; and there was a man there which had a withered hand.
They were lowkey keeping an eye on him, trying to catch him healing on the Sabbath so they could throw shade and call him out.
And they watched him, whether he would heal him on the sabbath day; that they might accuse him.
Jesus told the dude with the messed-up hand, "Ayo, stand up and flex for us."
And he saith unto the man which had the withered hand, Stand forth. {Stand forth: Gr. Arise, stand forth in the midst}
He asked them, "Is it cool to do good on the Sabbath or to do bad? Save a life or end it?" But they just stayed quiet, no cap.
And he saith unto them, Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to kill? But they held their peace.
He checked them with some serious anger, feeling bummed about their hard hearts, and told the guy, "Stretch out your hand." Dude did it, and bam, his hand was all fixed, just like the other one.
And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched {it} out: and his hand was restored whole as the other. {hardness: or, blindness}
The Pharisees bounced and started scheming with the Herodians on how to take him out, savage move.
And the Pharisees went forth, and straightway took counsel with the Herodians against him, how they might destroy him.
But Jesus dipped with his crew to the sea, and a massive squad from Galilee was vibing with him, along with peeps from Judea.
But Jesus withdrew himself with his disciples to the sea: and a great multitude from Galilee followed him, and from Judaea,
People from Jerusalem, Idumea, and beyond Jordan, plus a huge crowd from Tyre and Sidon, heard about the dope stuff he was doing and came through.
And from Jerusalem, and from Idumaea, and {from} beyond Jordan; and they about Tyre and Sidon, a great multitude, when they had heard what great things he did, came unto him.
He told his disciples to get a small boat ready for him 'cause the crowd was going wild and might mob him.
And he spake to his disciples, that a small ship should wait on him because of the multitude, lest they should throng him.
He had healed so many that they all wanted to touch him, like, fr, especially those with plagues.
For he had healed many; insomuch that they pressed upon him for to touch him, as many as had plagues. {pressed: or, rushed}
Those unclean spirits peeped him and straight-up fell, like, "You the Son of God, no cap."
And unclean spirits, when they saw him, fell down before him, and cried, saying, Thou art the Son of God.
He was like, "Chill, don’t spill the tea on who I am."
And he straitly charged them that they should not make him known.
He climbed a mountain and called the people he wanted, and they rolled up to him.
And he goeth up into a mountain, and calleth {unto him} whom he would: and they came unto him.
He picked twelve homies to hang with him and sent them out to preach, fr.
And he ordained twelve, that they should be with him, and that he might send them forth to preach,
They got the ability to heal the sick and toss out demons, lit!
And to have power to heal sicknesses, and to cast out devils:
He gave Simon the nickname Peter, that’s some rizz right there.
And Simon he surnamed Peter;
James, Zebedee's son, and John, his brother, he called them the Sons of Thunder, savage!
And James the {son} of Zebedee, and John the brother of James; and he surnamed them Boanerges, which is, The sons of thunder:
Then there was Andrew, Philip, Bartholomew, Matthew, Thomas, James (Alpheus' son), Thaddeus, and Simon the Canaanite.
And Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the {son} of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Canaanite,
Judas Iscariot was in the mix too, the one who snitched on him, and they went to a house.
And Judas Iscariot, which also betrayed him: and they went into an house. {into...: or, home}
The crowd rolled up again, so they couldn’t even grab a bite, periodt.
And the multitude cometh together again, so that they could not so much as eat bread.
When his crew heard about it, they rolled out to get him, 'cause they were like, "Dude’s totally lost it."
And when his friends heard {of it}, they went out to lay hold on him: for they said, He is beside himself. {friends: or, kinsmen}
The scribes from Jerusalem were saying, "He’s got Beelzebub energy, and he’s casting out demons like a boss."
And the scribes which came down from Jerusalem said, He hath Beelzebub, and by the prince of the devils casteth he out devils.
He called them over and said in parables, "How can Satan kick out Satan? That’s sus."
And he called them {unto him}, and said unto them in parables, How can Satan cast out Satan?
If a kingdom's fighting itself, that kingdom’s gotta dip, no cap.
And if a kingdom be divided against itself, that kingdom cannot stand.
If a house is beefing with itself, that house ain’t gonna last, periodt.
And if a house be divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
If Satan’s turning on himself and divided, he’s done for, fr.
And if Satan rise up against himself, and be divided, he cannot stand, but hath an end.
No one can roll up in a strong dude’s crib and jack his stuff unless they tie him up first; then they can clean house.
No man can enter into a strong man's house, and spoil his goods, except he will first bind the strong man; and then he will spoil his house.
For real, I’m telling you, all sins can be forgiven to people, and any blasphemies they throw out there.
Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme:
But if you blaspheme the Holy Spirit, you’re not getting forgiveness, and you’re playing with fire, no cap.
But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation:
'Cause they were saying, "Dude’s got a nasty spirit."
Because they said, He hath an unclean spirit.
His fam showed up, and while they were outside, they hit him up, like, "Yo, come here!"
There came then his brethren and his mother, and, standing without, sent unto him, calling him.
The crowd was all around him, and they were like, "Ayo, your mom and fam outside wanna see you."
And the multitude sat about him, and they said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren without seek for thee.
He was like, "Who even is my mom or my fam?"
And he answered them, saying, Who is my mother, or my brethren?
He looked around at everyone vibing with him and said, "Check it, these are my fam!"
And he looked round about on them which sat about him, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!
For anyone who’s down to do God’s will, that’s my bro, sis, and mom, no cap.
For whosoever shall do the will of God, the same is my brother, and my sister, and mother.