Judges Chapter 7
So Jerubbaal, also known as Gideon, and his crew rose up super early and set camp near the well of Harod while the Midianites were just vibin' to the north by Moreh Hill in the valley.
Then Jerubbaal, who {is} Gideon, and all the people that {were} with him, rose up early, and pitched beside the well of Harod: so that the host of the Midianites were on the north side of them, by the hill of Moreh, in the valley.
God straight up told Gideon, "Your crew is way too large for me to take on the Midianites; otherwise, Israel will flex on me like they did it all on their own."
And the LORD said unto Gideon, The people that {are} with thee {are} too many for me to give the Midianites into their hands, lest Israel vaunt themselves against me, saying, Mine own hand hath saved me.
Then, God said, "Let the people know, if you're feeling scared, bounce from Mount Gilead." So, 22k peaced out, leaving just 10k.
Now therefore go to, proclaim in the ears of the people, saying, Whosoever {is} fearful and afraid, let him return and depart early from mount Gilead. And there returned of the people twenty and two thousand; and there remained ten thousand.
God was like, "Still too many! Bring them to the water, and I’ll peep who’s real." Whoever I say can roll with you, they’re in; if not, they’re out.
And the LORD said unto Gideon, The people {are} yet {too} many; bring them down unto the water, and I will try them for thee there: and it shall be, {that} of whom I say unto thee, This shall go with thee, the same shall go with thee; and of whomsoever I say unto thee, This shall not go with thee, the same shall not go.
Gideon led them to the water, and God said, "Set aside anyone who drinks like a dog; same goes for those who kneel down to sip."
So he brought down the people unto the water: and the LORD said unto Gideon, Every one that lappeth of the water with his tongue, as a dog lappeth, him shalt thou set by himself; likewise every one that boweth down upon his knees to drink.
Only 300 bros lapped like dogs; the rest were down on their knees drinking.
And the number of them that lapped, {putting} their hand to their mouth, were three hundred men: but all the rest of the people bowed down upon their knees to drink water.
God told Gideon, "With these 300 who lapped, I'm gonna save you and hand the Midianites over; send the others home."
And the LORD said unto Gideon, By the three hundred men that lapped will I save you, and deliver the Midianites into thine hand: and let all the {other} people go every man unto his place.
So the people grabbed their snacks and trumpets, and Gideon sent everyone else back to their tents, keeping just those 300. The Midianite army was chillin' down in the valley.
So the people took victuals in their hand, and their trumpets: and he sent all {the rest of} Israel every man unto his tent, and retained those three hundred men: and the host of Midian was beneath him in the valley.
That same night, God said to Gideon, "Get down to the camp; I've got it all set up for you."
And it came to pass the same night, that the LORD said unto him, Arise, get thee down unto the host; for I have delivered it into thine hand.
But if you're feeling sus about going down, take your boy Phurah with you.
But if thou fear to go down, go thou with Phurah thy servant down to the host:
You’ll catch what they say, and then you’ll be hyped to head down. So, Gideon and Phurah made their way to the edge of the camp.
And thou shalt hear what they say; and afterward shall thine hands be strengthened to go down unto the host. Then went he down with Phurah his servant unto the outside of the armed men that {were} in the host. {armed men: or, ranks by five}
The Midianites and Amalekites were stacked in the valley like grasshoppers, and their camels were as many as grains of sand on the shore.
And the Midianites and the Amalekites and all the children of the east lay along in the valley like grasshoppers for multitude; and their camels {were} without number, as the sand by the sea side for multitude.
When Gideon arrived, he overheard a dude telling his buddy about a dream: "I had this dream where a cake of barley bread rolled into the Midian camp and wrecked a tent!"
And when Gideon was come, behold, {there was} a man that told a dream unto his fellow, and said, Behold, I dreamed a dream, and, lo, a cake of barley bread tumbled into the host of Midian, and came unto a tent, and smote it that it fell, and overturned it, that the tent lay along.
His friend was like, "That’s gotta be Gideon’s sword, son of Joash! God’s handing Midian over to him for real."
And his fellow answered and said, This {is} nothing else save the sword of Gideon the son of Joash, a man of Israel: {for} into his hand hath God delivered Midian, and all the host.
Once Gideon caught the vibe of the dream and its meaning, he worshipped and headed back to Israel's camp, saying, "Yo, get up; God’s got the Midianites in your hands!"
And it was {so}, when Gideon heard the telling of the dream, and the interpretation thereof, that he worshipped, and returned into the host of Israel, and said, Arise; for the LORD hath delivered into your hand the host of Midian. {interpretation: Heb. breaking}
He split the 300 men into three squads, gave them each a trumpet, and told them to hold empty jars with lamps inside.
And he divided the three hundred men {into} three companies, and he put a trumpet in every man's hand, with empty pitchers, and lamps within the pitchers. {a trumpet...: Heb. trumpets in the hand of all of them} {lamps: or, firebrands, or, torches}
He said, "Watch me and copy my moves; when I hit the camp, you do what I do."
And he said unto them, Look on me, and do likewise: and, behold, when I come to the outside of the camp, it shall be {that}, as I do, so shall ye do.
When I blow the trumpet, y’all blow yours around the camp and shout, "The sword of the Lord and Gideon!"
When I blow with a trumpet, I and all that {are} with me, then blow ye the trumpets also on every side of all the camp, and say, {The sword} of the LORD, and of Gideon.
So Gideon and his 100 homies rolled up to the camp at the start of the middle watch, just as the guards were setting up. They blew the trumpets and smashed the jars.
So Gideon, and the hundred men that {were} with him, came unto the outside of the camp in the beginning of the middle watch; and they had but newly set the watch: and they blew the trumpets, and brake the pitchers that {were} in their hands.
The three squads blew their trumpets, smashed the jars, held the lamps in their left hands, and trumpets in their right, yelling, "The sword of the Lord and Gideon!"
And the three companies blew the trumpets, and brake the pitchers, and held the lamps in their left hands, and the trumpets in their right hands to blow {withal}: and they cried, The sword of the LORD, and of Gideon.
Everyone held it down around the camp, and the whole army flipped out, screaming and running for their lives.
And they stood every man in his place round about the camp: and all the host ran, and cried, and fled.
The 300 blew their trumpets, and God made every dude’s sword turn on his bro, causing total chaos; the army fled to Beth-shittah and beyond.
And the three hundred blew the trumpets, and the LORD set every man's sword against his fellow, even throughout all the host: and the host fled to Bethshittah in Zererath, {and} to the border of Abelmeholah, unto Tabbath. {in: or, toward} {border: Heb. lip}
The Israelites gathered from Naphtali, Asher, and Manasseh to chase after the Midianites.
And the men of Israel gathered themselves together out of Naphtali, and out of Asher, and out of all Manasseh, and pursued after the Midianites.
Gideon shot messages all over Mount Ephraim, saying, "Come down on the Midianites and block the waters at Beth-barah and the Jordan." The Ephraim guys teamed up and took control of those waters.
And Gideon sent messengers throughout all mount Ephraim, saying, Come down against the Midianites, and take before them the waters unto Bethbarah and Jordan. Then all the men of Ephraim gathered themselves together, and took the waters unto Bethbarah and Jordan.
They snagged two Midianite princes, Oreb and Zeeb, took out Oreb on his rock, and Zeeb at the winepress, then brought their heads back to Gideon across the Jordan.
And they took two princes of the Midianites, Oreb and Zeeb; and they slew Oreb upon the rock Oreb, and Zeeb they slew at the winepress of Zeeb, and pursued Midian, and brought the heads of Oreb and Zeeb to Gideon on the other side Jordan.