John Chapter 4
So the Lord noticed that the Pharisees caught wind of Jesus out here making and baptizing more followers than John, which is kinda sus.
When therefore the Lord knew how the Pharisees had heard that Jesus made and baptized more disciples than John,
(But honestly, Jesus wasn’t even the one dunking people; his crew was handling that.)
(Though Jesus himself baptized not, but his disciples,)
He bounced from Judea and was like, “Let’s head back to Galilee.”
He left Judaea, and departed again into Galilee.
And he had to pass through Samaria, no cap.
And he must needs go through Samaria.
Then he pulled up to this spot in Samaria called Sychar, near the land Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
Then cometh he to a city of Samaria, which is called Sychar, near to the parcel of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph.
Jacob’s well was chilling there, and Jesus was worn out from the trip, so he just sat at the well around the sixth hour.
Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied with {his} journey, sat thus on the well: {and} it was about the sixth hour.
A woman from Samaria came to grab some water, and Jesus was like, “Yo, can you hook me up with a drink?”
There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.
(His disciples were off in the city snagging some food, fr.)
(For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)
The woman was like, “How’s a Jew gonna ask me for a drink? I’m a woman from Samaria, and y’all don’t vibe with us.”
Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.
Jesus hit her with, “If you knew God’s gift and who’s asking you for a drink, you’d be asking him for that living water, and he’d totally have your back.”
Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.
The girl was like, "Yo, you don’t even have a bucket, and this well is deep. How you planning to get that living water?"
The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?
You think you’re greater than our dude Jacob who set us up with this well? He drank from it too, with his fam and his animals, fr.
Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?
Jesus was like, "Anyone who drinks this water will just get thirsty again, no cap."
Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:
"But whoever drinks the water I give will never be thirsty; it’ll be like a spring inside them, flowing to eternal life."
But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life.
The girl was like, "Sir, gimme that water so I don’t have to come back here for a draw, periodt."
The woman saith unto him, Sir, give me this water, that I thirst not, neither come hither to draw.
Jesus said, "Aight, go call your husband and come back here."
Jesus saith unto her, Go, call thy husband, and come hither.
She replied, "I don’t have a husband." Jesus was like, "You’re right, you don’t have a husband."
The woman answered and said, I have no husband. Jesus said unto her, Thou hast well said, I have no husband:
"You’ve had five husbands, and the dude you’re with now ain’t even your husband. You’re spitting facts."
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.
The girl was like, "Sir, I can tell you’re a prophet, no cap."
The woman saith unto him, Sir, I perceive that thou art a prophet.
"Our ancestors worshipped on this mountain, but you guys say worship has to happen in Jerusalem, which is kinda sus."
Our fathers worshipped in this mountain; and ye say, that in Jerusalem is the place where men ought to worship.
Jesus said, "Yo, trust me, there’s a time coming when you won’t be vibing on this mountain or in Jerusalem for worshiping the Father."
Jesus saith unto her, Woman, believe me, the hour cometh, when ye shall neither in this mountain, nor yet at Jerusalem, worship the Father.
You worship what you don’t even know, but we’re in the know: salvation’s got the Jewish squad’s back.
Ye worship ye know not what: we know what we worship: for salvation is of the Jews.
But the time is coming, and it’s now, when the real worshippers will vibe with the Father in spirit and truth, 'cause the Father is looking for those peeps.
But the hour cometh, and now is, when the true worshippers shall worship the Father in spirit and in truth: for the Father seeketh such to worship him.
God is a Spirit, and if you’re gonna worship Him, you gotta do it in spirit and truth, no cap.
God {is} a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship {him} in spirit and in truth.
The woman said, "I know the Messiah is coming, the one called Christ; when He shows up, He'll spill all the tea."
The woman saith unto him, I know that Messias cometh, which is called Christ: when he is come, he will tell us all things.
Jesus replied, "That’s me, fam. I’m the one talking to you."
Jesus saith unto her, I that speak unto thee am {he}.
Just then, the disciples showed up and were shook that He was chatting with the woman, but no one asked, "What you looking for?" or "Why you talking to her?"
And upon this came his disciples, and marvelled that he talked with the woman: yet no man said, What seekest thou? or, Why talkest thou with her?
The woman dropped her waterpot and bounced into the city, telling the guys,
The woman then left her waterpot, and went her way into the city, and saith to the men,
"Yo, come check out a dude who told me everything I ever did: is this not the Christ?"
Come, see a man, which told me all things that ever I did: is not this the Christ?
Then they dipped out of the city and rolled up to Him.
Then they went out of the city, and came unto him.
Meanwhile, the squad was like, "Yo Master, you gotta eat something."
In the mean while his disciples prayed him, saying, Master, eat.
But he replied, "I got food you don’t even know about, no cap."
But he said unto them, I have meat to eat that ye know not of.
The disciples were like, "Did someone bring him snacks?"
Therefore said the disciples one to another, Hath any man brought him {ought} to eat?
Jesus was like, "My food is to do the will of the one who sent me and finish the mission, fr."
Jesus saith unto them, My meat is to do the will of him that sent me, and to finish his work.
He said, "Don’t sleep on it, harvest isn’t four months away. Look around; the fields are ready to pop off."
Say not ye, There are yet four months, and {then} cometh harvest? behold, I say unto you, Lift up your eyes, and look on the fields; for they are white already to harvest.
The one who reaps gets paid and gathers fruit for eternal life, so they can all vibe together.
And he that reapeth receiveth wages, and gathereth fruit unto life eternal: that both he that soweth and he that reapeth may rejoice together.
This saying is legit: one sows, another reaps, periodt.
And herein is that saying true, One soweth, and another reapeth.
I sent you to reap what you didn’t even work for; other peeps put in the grind, and you’re cashing in on their hustle.
I sent you to reap that whereon ye bestowed no labour: other men laboured, and ye are entered into their labours.
A bunch of Samaritans believed in him because of what the woman said, "He told me everything I did."
And many of the Samaritans of that city believed on him for the saying of the woman, which testified, He told me all that ever I did.
So when the Samaritans showed up, they were like, "Yo, stay with us!" And he chilled there for two days.
So when the Samaritans were come unto him, they besought him that he would tarry with them: and he abode there two days.
And mad people were vibing with him 'cause of his own words;
And many more believed because of his own word;
They told the woman, "Now we believe, not just 'cause you said so: we heard him ourselves, and know he’s the real deal, the Saviour of the world, no cap."
And said unto the woman, Now we believe, not because of thy saying: for we have heard {him} ourselves, and know that this is indeed the Christ, the Saviour of the world.
After two days, he dipped and headed to Galilee.
Now after two days he departed thence, and went into Galilee.
'Cause Jesus was like, "A prophet ain't got no rizz in his own hometown."
For Jesus himself testified, that a prophet hath no honour in his own country.
When he rolled into Galilee, the locals were hyped to see him, having peeped all the lit stuff he did in Jerusalem at the feast, 'cause they also showed up for the feast.
Then when he was come into Galilee, the Galilaeans received him, having seen all the things that he did at Jerusalem at the feast: for they also went unto the feast.
So Jesus pulled up again to Cana of Galilee, where he turned water into wine. There was this noble dude whose son was sick in Capernaum.
So Jesus came again into Cana of Galilee, where he made the water wine. And there was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum. {nobleman: or, courtier, or, ruler}
When he heard Jesus was outta Judea and in Galilee, he went to him and begged him to come down and heal his son, who was about to kick the bucket.
When he heard that Jesus was come out of Judaea into Galilee, he went unto him, and besought him that he would come down, and heal his son: for he was at the point of death.
Jesus told him, "Unless you see signs and wonders, you won't believe, fr."
Then said Jesus unto him, Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe.
The nobleman was like, "Sir, please come down before my kid dies."
The nobleman saith unto him, Sir, come down ere my child die.
Jesus said, "Go back home; your son is alive." The man was shook and believed what Jesus said, then he bounced back.
Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth. And the man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way.
So he was on his way down, and his crew hit him up, like, "Yo, your son’s alive!"
And as he was now going down, his servants met him, and told {him}, saying, Thy son liveth.
He asked them what time it went down, and they were like, "Yesterday at 7 PM, the fever just dipped."
Then enquired he of them the hour when he began to amend. And they said unto him, Yesterday at the seventh hour the fever left him.
The dad put two and two together, realizing it was the same hour Jesus said, "Your son’s alive," and he was like, "No cap, I believe," and his whole fam was on the same vibe.
So the father knew that {it was} at the same hour, in the which Jesus said unto him, Thy son liveth: and himself believed, and his whole house.
This is low-key the second miracle Jesus pulled off when he rolled from Judea to Galilee.
This {is} again the second miracle {that} Jesus did, when he was come out of Judaea into Galilee.