Genesis Chapter 21
So God pulled up on Sarah just like He promised, and He really came through for her, fr.
And the LORD visited Sarah as he had said, and the LORD did unto Sarah as he had spoken.
Out of nowhere, Sarah got pregnant and gave Abraham a son in his old age, just as God said would happen.
For Sarah conceived, and bare Abraham a son in his old age, at the set time of which God had spoken to him.
Abraham named his son Isaac, the one Sarah birthed for him, periodt.
And Abraham called the name of his son that was born unto him, whom Sarah bare to him, Isaac.
When Isaac was only eight days old, Abraham got him circumcised because God told him to, no cap.
And Abraham circumcised his son Isaac being eight days old, as God had commanded him.
Abraham was a whole hundred years old when Isaac came into the world.
And Abraham was an hundred years old, when his son Isaac was born unto him.
Sarah was like, "God made me laugh, and now everyone who hears this is gonna laugh with me."
And Sarah said, God hath made me to laugh, {so that} all that hear will laugh with me.
She was shook, wondering who would have thought Abraham could have kids at this age? She really gave him a son.
And she said, Who would have said unto Abraham, that Sarah should have given children suck? for I have born {him} a son in his old age.
The kid grew up and got weaned, and Abraham threw a fire feast the same day Isaac got weaned.
And the child grew, and was weaned: and Abraham made a great feast the {same} day that Isaac was weaned.
Sarah peeped Hagar’s son mocking, which was super sus.
And Sarah saw the son of Hagar the Egyptian, which she had born unto Abraham, mocking.
So she told Abraham, "You need to kick out this bondwoman and her kid; he can't vibe with my son, Isaac."
Wherefore she said unto Abraham, Cast out this bondwoman and her son: for the son of this bondwoman shall not be heir with my son, {even} with Isaac.
Abraham was lowkey stressed about his son, like, this ain't it.
And the thing was very grievous in Abraham's sight because of his son.
Then God was like, "Chill, Abraham, don’t trip about the kid or the bondwoman; just listen to Sarah. Your fam's gonna come through Isaac, no cap."
And God said unto Abraham, Let it not be grievous in thy sight because of the lad, and because of thy bondwoman; in all that Sarah hath said unto thee, hearken unto her voice; for in Isaac shall thy seed be called.
And I'm gonna make a whole nation from the bondwoman's son too, 'cause he’s still your seed, fr.
And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he {is} thy seed.
So Abraham got up mad early, grabbed some bread and water, gave it to Hagar, and told her to bounce with the kid. She left and was roaming the wilderness of Beer-sheba, savage vibes.
And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and took bread, and a bottle of water, and gave {it} unto Hagar, putting {it} on her shoulder, and the child, and sent her away: and she departed, and wandered in the wilderness of Beersheba.
But the water ran out, so she put the kid under a bush, like, no way.
And the water was spent in the bottle, and she cast the child under one of the shrubs.
She went and sat far away, not wanting to watch her kid die, and started crying, periodt.
And she went, and sat her down over against {him} a good way off, as it were a bowshot: for she said, Let me not see the death of the child. And she sat over against {him}, and lift up her voice, and wept.
God heard the kid's cries, and an angel hit up Hagar from heaven, asking, "What’s good, Hagar? Don’t be scared; God’s got your back, He heard the kid."
And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he {is}.
"Get up, grab the kid, and hold him tight; I’m gonna make him a big nation."
Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation.
Then God opened her eyes, and she spotted a well of water; she went and filled the bottle, giving the kid a drink.
And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink.
God was with the kid; he grew up in the wilderness and became a total archer, goated.
And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
He was chillin' in the desert of Paran, and his mom found him a wifey from Egypt.
And he dwelt in the wilderness of Paran: and his mother took him a wife out of the land of Egypt.
Then Abimelech and his main guy Phichol hit up Abraham, like, "God's got your back in everything you do, no cap."
And it came to pass at that time, that Abimelech and Phichol the chief captain of his host spake unto Abraham, saying, God {is} with thee in all that thou doest:
So, swear to me by God that you won't play me dirty, or my son, or my grandson. Just keep it real like I've done for you, and show me love in this land where you're stayin'.
Now therefore swear unto me here by God that thou wilt not deal falsely with me, nor with my son, nor with my son's son: {but} according to the kindness that I have done unto thee, thou shalt do unto me, and to the land wherein thou hast sojourned. {that thou...: Heb. if thou shalt lie unto me}
Abraham was like, "Bet, I’ll swear."
And Abraham said, I will swear.
Abraham called out Abimelech because his crew jacked a water well.
And Abraham reproved Abimelech because of a well of water, which Abimelech's servants had violently taken away.
Abimelech was like, "I have no clue who did that. You didn’t tell me, and I just found out today, fr."
And Abimelech said, I wot not who hath done this thing: neither didst thou tell me, neither yet heard I {of it}, but to day.
Abraham brought some sheep and oxen and gave them to Abimelech; they both made a deal.
And Abraham took sheep and oxen, and gave them unto Abimelech; and both of them made a covenant.
Abraham set aside seven ewe lambs for himself.
And Abraham set seven ewe lambs of the flock by themselves.
Abimelech asked Abraham, "What’s up with these seven lambs you put over there?"
And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What {mean} these seven ewe lambs which thou hast set by themselves?
Abraham said, "You take these seven lambs from me as proof that I dug this well."
And he said, For {these} seven ewe lambs shalt thou take of my hand, that they may be a witness unto me, that I have digged this well.
So, he named that spot Beer-sheba 'cause they both made a promise there. No cap.
Wherefore he called that place Beersheba; because there they sware both of them. {Beersheba: that is, The well of the oath}
They set up a deal at Beer-sheba, then Abimelech and Phichol, the big boss, dipped back to Philistine land.
Thus they made a covenant at Beersheba: then Abimelech rose up, and Phichol the chief captain of his host, and they returned into the land of the Philistines.
Abraham planted a chill spot in Beer-sheba and shouted out to the Lord, the forever God. Lit vibes.
And {Abraham} planted a grove in Beersheba, and called there on the name of the LORD, the everlasting God. {grove: or, tree}
Abraham was just vibing in Philistine land for a minute.
And Abraham sojourned in the Philistines' land many days.