Genesis Chapter 20
So Abraham bounced from there and cruised south, chilling between Kadesh and Shur, vibing in Gerar.
And Abraham journeyed from thence toward the south country, and dwelled between Kadesh and Shur, and sojourned in Gerar.
Abraham was like, "Sarah’s my sis," and then Abimelech, the king of Gerar, swooped in and took her.
And Abraham said of Sarah his wife, She {is} my sister: and Abimelech king of Gerar sent, and took Sarah.
But God rolled up on Abimelech in a dream at night, saying, "Yo, you’re done for taking that woman; she’s already taken."
But God came to Abimelech in a dream by night, and said to him, Behold, thou {art but} a dead man, for the woman which thou hast taken; for she {is} a man's wife. {a man's...: Heb. married to an husband}
Abimelech hadn’t even touched her yet and was like, "Lord, you really gonna take out a righteous nation too?"
But Abimelech had not come near her: and he said, Lord, wilt thou slay also a righteous nation?
He was like, "Didn’t she say she’s my sister? And didn’t she say I’m her brother too? I did this with a clean heart, no cap."
Said he not unto me, She {is} my sister? and she, even she herself said, He {is} my brother: in the integrity of my heart and innocency of my hands have I done this. {integrity: or, simplicity, or, sincerity}
God responded in the dream, "For real, I know you did this with pure intentions; I kept you from sinning against me, so I didn’t let you touch her."
And God said unto him in a dream, Yea, I know that thou didst this in the integrity of thy heart; for I also withheld thee from sinning against me: therefore suffered I thee not to touch her.
"Now, return the man his wife; he’s a prophet and will pray for you, and you’ll survive. If you don’t give her back, you and your whole squad are toast."
Now therefore restore the man {his} wife; for he {is} a prophet, and he shall pray for thee, and thou shalt live: and if thou restore {her} not, know thou that thou shalt surely die, thou, and all that {are} thine.
So Abimelech woke up mad early, gathered all his crew, and spilled the tea, and they were all shook.
Therefore Abimelech rose early in the morning, and called all his servants, and told all these things in their ears: and the men were sore afraid.
Then Abimelech hit up Abraham and was like, "What did you do to us? What’s your deal? You brought major sin on me and my kingdom."
Then Abimelech called Abraham, and said unto him, What hast thou done unto us? and what have I offended thee, that thou hast brought on me and on my kingdom a great sin? thou hast done deeds unto me that ought not to be done.
Abimelech questioned Abraham, "What were you thinking, bro?"
And Abimelech said unto Abraham, What sawest thou, that thou hast done this thing?
Abraham replied, "I figured, for sure, there’s no fear of God here, and they’d off me for my wife."
And Abraham said, Because I thought, Surely the fear of God {is} not in this place; and they will slay me for my wife's sake.
"But she is my sister; she’s my dad’s kid but not my mom’s; she became my wife."
And yet indeed {she is} my sister; she {is} the daughter of my father, but not the daughter of my mother; and she became my wife.
"When God made me wander from my fam, I told her, ‘This is your kindness; wherever we roll, just say I’m your brother.’"
And it came to pass, when God caused me to wander from my father's house, that I said unto her, This {is} thy kindness which thou shalt shew unto me; at every place whither we shall come, say of me, He {is} my brother.
Abimelech hooked Abraham up with sheep, oxen, and servants, and returned Sarah, his wife.
And Abimelech took sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and womenservants, and gave {them} unto Abraham, and restored him Sarah his wife.
Abimelech was like, "My land is yours; chill wherever you want."
And Abimelech said, Behold, my land {is} before thee: dwell where it pleaseth thee. {where...: Heb. as is good in thine eyes}
He told Sarah, "I gave your bro a thousand pieces of silver; he’s like a shield for you, protecting you and your crew."
And unto Sarah he said, Behold, I have given thy brother a thousand {pieces} of silver: behold, he {is} to thee a covering of the eyes, unto all that {are} with thee, and with all {other}: thus she was reproved.
So Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelech, his wife, and the maidservants; they started popping out kids.
So Abraham prayed unto God: and God healed Abimelech, and his wife, and his maidservants; and they bare {children}.
The Lord had shut up all the wombs in Abimelech’s house because of Sarah, Abraham’s wife.
For the LORD had fast closed up all the wombs of the house of Abimelech, because of Sarah Abraham's wife.