Genesis Chapter 17
Abram was 99, and God showed up saying, "I’m the Almighty, so roll with me and be perfect, no cap."
And when Abram was ninety years old and nine, the LORD appeared to Abram, and said unto him, I {am} the Almighty God; walk before me, and be thou perfect. {perfect: or, upright, or, sincere}
"I’m about to make a fire deal with you, and you’ll be overflowing with blessings."
And I will make my covenant between me and thee, and will multiply thee exceedingly.
Abram dropped to the ground, and God was like, "Yo, pay attention, fam."
And Abram fell on his face: and God talked with him, saying,
"This deal is with you, and you’re gonna be the father of mad nations."
As for me, behold, my covenant {is} with thee, and thou shalt be a father of many nations. {many...: Heb. multitude of nations}
"From now on, you ain’t just Abram; you’re Abraham; I crafted you to be a father of many nations, fr."
Neither shall thy name any more be called Abram, but thy name shall be Abraham; for a father of many nations have I made thee. {Abraham: that is, Father of a great multitude}
"You’re gonna be hella fruitful, and nations and kings will come from you, that’s straight fire."
And I will make thee exceeding fruitful, and I will make nations of thee, and kings shall come out of thee.
"I’m locking this deal in with you and your fam forever; I’ll be their God too."
And I will establish my covenant between me and thee and thy seed after thee in their generations for an everlasting covenant, to be a God unto thee, and to thy seed after thee.
"I’m handing over the land you’re chillin' in, all of Canaan, as a forever gift; I’ll be their God."
And I will give unto thee, and to thy seed after thee, the land wherein thou art a stranger, all the land of Canaan, for an everlasting possession; and I will be their God. {wherein...: Heb. of thy sojournings}
God told Abraham, "You gotta uphold my deal, you and your fam for generations, no cap."
And God said unto Abraham, Thou shalt keep my covenant therefore, thou, and thy seed after thee in their generations.
"This is the deal you’re holding with me and your fam; every boy among you needs to get circumcised."
This {is} my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.
Yo, you gotta get that skin taken off, it’s a sign of our deal, no cap.
And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.
If you’re eight days old, be ready for this; all the boys in your fam, even the ones bought from others, gotta do it.
And he that is eight days old shall be circumcised among you, every man child in your generations, he that is born in the house, or bought with money of any stranger, which {is} not of thy seed. {he that is eight...: Heb. a son of eight days}
Anyone born in your crib or bought with your cash needs to get circumcised; it’s a forever deal in your flesh, periodt.
He that is born in thy house, and he that is bought with thy money, must needs be circumcised: and my covenant shall be in your flesh for an everlasting covenant.
If a boy skips this, he’s outta the crew; he broke our deal, savage move.
And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.
God told Abraham, “Forget Sarai; her name’s now Sarah.”
And God said unto Abraham, As for Sarai thy wife, thou shalt not call her name Sarai, but Sarah {shall} her name {be}. {Sarah: that is Princess}
I’m gonna bless her and give you a son; she’s gonna be a mom to nations, kings gonna come from her, fr.
And I will bless her, and give thee a son also of her: yea, I will bless her, and she shall be {a mother} of nations; kings of people shall be of her. {she...: Heb. she shall become nations}
Abraham rolled on the ground laughing, thinking, “A hundred years old and still having kids? Sarah’s ninety, no way!”
Then Abraham fell upon his face, and laughed, and said in his heart, Shall {a child} be born unto him that is an hundred years old? and shall Sarah, that is ninety years old, bear?
Abraham was like, “God, can Ishmael just rock with you instead?”
And Abraham said unto God, O that Ishmael might live before thee!
God replied, “Sarah’s definitely gonna have a son, name him Isaac; we’re making this covenant forever with him and his kids.”
And God said, Sarah thy wife shall bear thee a son indeed; and thou shalt call his name Isaac: and I will establish my covenant with him for an everlasting covenant, {and} with his seed after him.
About Ishmael, I got you: I’ve blessed him too, he’s gonna be lit with twelve princes and a whole nation.
And as for Ishmael, I have heard thee: Behold, I have blessed him, and will make him fruitful, and will multiply him exceedingly; twelve princes shall he beget, and I will make him a great nation.
God’s like, "I’m making a deal with Isaac, the kid Sarah’s gonna drop next year. Periodt."
But my covenant will I establish with Isaac, which Sarah shall bear unto thee at this set time in the next year.
Then God dipped on Abraham after that chat, just vibing out.
And he left off talking with him, and God went up from Abraham.
Abraham gathered Ishmael and all the guys in his crib, got them all snipped the same day, 'cause God said so. No cap.
And Abraham took Ishmael his son, and all that were born in his house, and all that were bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham's house; and circumcised the flesh of their foreskin in the selfsame day, as God had said unto him.
Abraham was ninety-nine when he got that whole snip situation handled. Savage.
And Abraham {was} ninety years old and nine, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
Ishmael was thirteen when he joined the snip crew.
And Ishmael his son {was} thirteen years old, when he was circumcised in the flesh of his foreskin.
Same day, Abraham and Ishmael both got the chop.
In the selfsame day was Abraham circumcised, and Ishmael his son.
All the dudes in his house, born or bought, got snipped too. They were all in it together. Bussin.
And all the men of his house, born in the house, and bought with money of the stranger, were circumcised with him.