Genesis Chapter 12
So God was like, "Yo Abram, dip from your fam and your neighborhood, I’m about to send you to a place I’ll reveal to you."
Now the LORD had said unto Abram, Get thee out of thy country, and from thy kindred, and from thy father's house, unto a land that I will shew thee:
"I’m gonna turn you into a dope nation, bless you up, and your name’s gonna be iconic; you’ll be a whole vibe out here."
And I will make of thee a great nation, and I will bless thee, and make thy name great; and thou shalt be a blessing:
"Anyone who supports you, I got them too, but if you step to them, it’s on; all the peeps on Earth will be blessed through you."
And I will bless them that bless thee, and curse him that curseth thee: and in thee shall all families of the earth be blessed.
So Abram bounced, just like God told him, and Lot was his ride-or-die. Abram was 75 when he left Haran, no cap.
So Abram departed, as the LORD had spoken unto him; and Lot went with him: and Abram {was} seventy and five years old when he departed out of Haran.
Abram took Sarai, his wifey, Lot, and all their gear they packed up, and they made their way to Canaan, arriving in that land.
And Abram took Sarai his wife, and Lot his brother's son, and all their substance that they had gathered, and the souls that they had gotten in Haran; and they went forth to go into the land of Canaan; and into the land of Canaan they came.
Abram cruised through Canaan to Sichem, hitting up the plain of Moreh. The Canaanites were vibing there too.
And Abram passed through the land unto the place of Sichem, unto the plain of Moreh. And the Canaanite {was} then in the land. {plain: Heb. plains}
God popped up to Abram and said, "I’m handing this land to your descendants; build me an altar right here."
And the LORD appeared unto Abram, and said, Unto thy seed will I give this land: and there builded he an altar unto the LORD, who appeared unto him.
He moved to a mountain east of Beth-el, pitched his tent with Beth-el on the west and Hai on the east, built an altar for God, and prayed.
And he removed from thence unto a mountain on the east of Bethel, and pitched his tent, {having} Bethel on the west, and Hai on the east: and there he builded an altar unto the LORD, and called upon the name of the LORD.
Abram kept it pushing, heading south, just vibing along.
And Abram journeyed, going on still toward the south. {going...: Heb. in going and journeying}
There was a major famine in the land, so Abram dipped to Egypt to chill for a minute; the struggle was real out there.
And there was a famine in the land: and Abram went down into Egypt to sojourn there; for the famine {was} grievous in the land.
As he was about to roll into Egypt, he told his wifey Sarai, "Yo, you looking fine AF."
And it came to pass, when he was come near to enter into Egypt, that he said unto Sarai his wife, Behold now, I know that thou {art} a fair woman to look upon:
He was like, "When the Egyptians peep you, they’ll know you’re my wifey and I’m gonna be in trouble, but you’ll be all good."
Therefore it shall come to pass, when the Egyptians shall see thee, that they shall say, This {is} his wife: and they will kill me, but they will save thee alive.
Just say you’re my sister, and I’ll be straight, fr; I’ll stay alive thanks to you.
Say, I pray thee, thou {art} my sister: that it may be well with me for thy sake; and my soul shall live because of thee.
When Abram hit Egypt, the Egyptians couldn’t help but notice how stunning she was.
And it came to pass, that, when Abram was come into Egypt, the Egyptians beheld the woman that she {was} very fair.
Pharaoh’s crew checked her out and hyped her up to Pharaoh; she got taken right to his pad.
The princes also of Pharaoh saw her, and commended her before Pharaoh: and the woman was taken into Pharaoh's house.
Abram got treated like royalty because of her; he scored sheep, oxen, and a whole squad of servants.
And he entreated Abram well for her sake: and he had sheep, and oxen, and he asses, and menservants, and maidservants, and she asses, and camels.
But then God hit Pharaoh and his crew with some serious plagues 'cause of Sarai, Abram’s wifey.
And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife.
Pharaoh summoned Abram and asked, "What’s the deal? Why didn’t you say she was your wife?"
And Pharaoh called Abram, and said, What {is} this {that} thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she {was} thy wife?
He was like, "Why say she’s my sister? I could’ve married her! Take your wife back and dip out."
Why saidst thou, She {is} my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take {her}, and go thy way.
Pharaoh told his peeps to take care of it, and they kicked him, his wifey, and all their stuff out.
And Pharaoh commanded {his} men concerning him: and they sent him away, and his wife, and all that he had.