Deuteronomy Chapter 22
Don’t just bounce when your homie’s ox or sheep goes MIA; you gotta step up and bring it back.
Thou shalt not see thy brother's ox or his sheep go astray, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt in any case bring them again unto thy brother.
If your dude isn’t around or you don’t even know him, just stash it at your place until he comes looking, then hand it back, no cap.
And if thy brother {be} not nigh unto thee, or if thou know him not, then thou shalt bring it unto thine own house, and it shall be with thee until thy brother seek after it, and thou shalt restore it to him again.
Same rule applies to his donkey; if you find any of his gear, you gotta keep it 100 and return it, no cap.
In like manner shalt thou do with his ass; and so shalt thou do with his raiment; and with all lost thing of thy brother's, which he hath lost, and thou hast found, shalt thou do likewise: thou mayest not hide thyself.
If you peep your bro’s donkey or ox take a spill, don’t just leave; you gotta help him get it back on its feet, fr.
Thou shalt not see thy brother's ass or his ox fall down by the way, and hide thyself from them: thou shalt surely help him to lift {them} up again.
Girls can’t wear guys' threads and guys can’t rock girls' fits; that’s just sus and not cool with God.
The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so {are} abomination unto the LORD thy God.
If you spot a bird’s nest on your journey, don’t take the mama bird with her chicks; that’s just ruthless.
If a bird's nest chance to be before thee in the way in any tree, or on the ground, {whether they be} young ones, or eggs, and the dam sitting upon the young, or upon the eggs, thou shalt not take the dam with the young:
Let the mama bird chill and take the little ones; that way, you’ll be vibing and living long, periodt.
{But} thou shalt in any wise let the dam go, and take the young to thee; that it may be well with thee, and {that} thou mayest prolong {thy} days.
When you construct a fresh crib, make sure to put a guard on the roof so no one takes a tumble and you don’t end up in trouble.
When thou buildest a new house, then thou shalt make a battlement for thy roof, that thou bring not blood upon thine house, if any man fall from thence.
Don’t mix seeds in your vineyard; keep it legit, or your harvest is gonna be a total flop, fr.
Thou shalt not sow thy vineyard with divers seeds: lest the fruit of thy seed which thou hast sown, and the fruit of thy vineyard, be defiled. {fruit of thy seed: Heb. fulness of the seed}
Don’t plow with an ox and a donkey together; that combo is just bad news.
Thou shalt not plow with an ox and an ass together.
For real, don’t mash up fabrics like wool and linen in your fits.
Thou shalt not wear a garment of divers sorts, {as} of woollen and linen together.
You gotta throw some fringes on the corners of your drip, fam.
Thou shalt make thee fringes upon the four quarters of thy vesture, wherewith thou coverest {thyself}. {quarters: Heb. wings}
If a dude takes a wifey and then acts suspect towards her,
If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her,
And starts spreading tea about her, saying he found her not a maid, that’s just savage.
And give occasions of speech against her, and bring up an evil name upon her, and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid:
Then her parents gotta bring proof of her virginity to the city elders, no doubt.
Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth {the tokens of} the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate:
And her pops will tell the elders, “I gave my daughter to this dude, and now he’s hating on her.”
And the damsel's father shall say unto the elders, I gave my daughter unto this man to wife, and he hateth her;
And he’ll say, “Look, he’s claiming my daughter wasn’t a maid, but here’s the evidence.” They’ll show the cloth to the city elders.
And, lo, he hath given occasions of speech {against her}, saying, I found not thy daughter a maid; and yet these {are the tokens of} my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city.
The elders will pull that guy aside and give him a serious talking to.
And the elders of that city shall take that man and chastise him;
They’ll hit him with a fine of a hundred shekels and hand it to the girl’s dad, since he spread bad vibes about a virgin of Israel; she’s still his wife, no cap.
And they shall amerce him in an hundred {shekels} of silver, and give {them} unto the father of the damsel, because he hath brought up an evil name upon a virgin of Israel: and she shall be his wife; he may not put her away all his days.
But if this tea is true and there’s no proof of her virginity, then we’ve got a whole different situation.
But if this thing be true, {and the tokens of} virginity be not found for the damsel:
They gotta take the girl to her dad’s place, and the dudes from the city are gonna stone her, no cap, 'cause she acted sus in Israel, playing around at her pops' spot. That’s how you keep the bad vibes away from y'all.
Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die: because she hath wrought folly in Israel, to play the whore in her father's house: so shalt thou put evil away from among you.
If a dude gets caught with a married woman, both of them are getting canceled, for real. That’s how you keep the bad energy out of Israel.
If a man be found lying with a woman married to an husband, then they shall both of them die, {both} the man that lay with the woman, and the woman: so shalt thou put away evil from Israel.
If a virgin girl is promised to a dude and some other guy finds her in the city and hooks up with her;
If a damsel {that is} a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her;
Then you gotta bring both of them to the city gate and stone them, fr. The girl didn’t scream for help in the city, and the guy disrespected his homie’s girl; that’s how you keep the bad vibes away from y'all.
Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, {being} in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
But if a dude finds a betrothed girl in the field and forces himself on her, only that guy gets canceled:
But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die: {force: or, take strong hold of}
The girl hasn’t done a thing wrong; she’s not getting the death penalty. It’s like when a dude attacks his neighbor and takes him out, that’s the same energy.
But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; {there is} in the damsel no sin {worthy} of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so {is} this matter:
He found her in the field, and the promised girl cried out, but no one was there to help her.
For he found her in the field, {and} the betrothed damsel cried, and {there was} none to save her.
If a dude finds a virgin girl who’s not promised to anyone and hooks up with her, and they get busted;
If a man find a damsel {that is} a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found;
Then the guy who hooked up with her has to pay her dad fifty shekels of silver, and she’s his wife now, 'cause he disrespected her, and he can't just dip on her ever.
Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty {shekels} of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.
A dude can’t take his dad’s wife or mess with his pops' lady.
A man shall not take his father's wife, nor discover his father's skirt.