Deuteronomy Chapter 21
If someone gets taken out in the land that God blessed you with, just chilling there, and nobody knows who did it, that’s mad sus.
If {one} be found slain in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee to possess it, lying in the field, {and} it be not known who hath slain him:
So the elders and judges gotta step in and check out the nearby cities where the victim got taken out.
Then thy elders and thy judges shall come forth, and they shall measure unto the cities which {are} round about him that is slain:
The closest city to the victim has to grab a heifer that’s chill and hasn’t been used for work yet.
And it shall be, {that} the city {which is} next unto the slain man, even the elders of that city shall take an heifer, which hath not been wrought with, {and} which hath not drawn in the yoke;
The elders from that city will take the heifer to a wild valley that hasn’t been farmed, and they’ll handle the situation there.
And the elders of that city shall bring down the heifer unto a rough valley, which is neither eared nor sown, and shall strike off the heifer's neck there in the valley:
The Levi squad, aka the priests, will show up since God chose them to bless everyone, and they’ll deal with all the business.
And the priests the sons of Levi shall come near; for them the LORD thy God hath chosen to minister unto him, and to bless in the name of the LORD; and by their word shall every controversy and every stroke be {tried}: {word: Heb. mouth}
All the elders from the city next to the victim gotta wash their hands over the heifer that got taken out in the valley.
And all the elders of that city, {that are} next unto the slain {man}, shall wash their hands over the heifer that is beheaded in the valley:
They’ll say, 'We didn’t shed this blood, and we didn’t see it happen.'
And they shall answer and say, Our hands have not shed this blood, neither have our eyes seen {it}.
Be real, God, with your people Israel, whom you saved, and don’t hold innocent blood against them. The blood’s forgiven, no cap.
Be merciful, O LORD, unto thy people Israel, whom thou hast redeemed, and lay not innocent blood unto thy people of Israel's charge. And the blood shall be forgiven them. {unto thy people of: Heb. in the midst, etc}
You’ll wipe away the guilt of innocent blood from among you when you do what’s right in God’s eyes.
So shalt thou put away the {guilt of} innocent blood from among you, when thou shalt do {that which is} right in the sight of the LORD.
When you roll out to battle against your enemies, and God hands them over to you, taking them captive,
When thou goest forth to war against thine enemies, and the LORD thy God hath delivered them into thine hands, and thou hast taken them captive,
And you peep a baddie among the captives and wanna make her your wife,
And seest among the captives a beautiful woman, and hast a desire unto her, that thou wouldest have her to thy wife;
Bring her back home, and she’ll shave her head and clip her nails.
Then thou shalt bring her home to thine house; and she shall shave her head, and pare her nails; {pare: or, suffer to grow: Heb. make, or, dress}
She’ll toss her old clothes and hang out at your place, mourning her fam for a whole month; then you can be her husband, and she’ll be your wife.
And she shall put the raiment of her captivity from off her, and shall remain in thine house, and bewail her father and her mother a full month: and after that thou shalt go in unto her, and be her husband, and she shall be thy wife.
If you’re not feeling her after that, you can let her go wherever she wants, but no selling her or treating her like some object, ‘cause you’ve humbled her.
And it shall be, if thou have no delight in her, then thou shalt let her go whither she will; but thou shalt not sell her at all for money, thou shalt not make merchandise of her, because thou hast humbled her.
If a dude has two wives, one he’s into and the other he’s not, and they’ve given him kids, including the firstborn from the one he doesn’t vibe with,
If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born him children, {both} the beloved and the hated; and {if} the firstborn son be hers that was hated:
When it’s time to pass down the inheritance, he can’t put the kid from the one he loves ahead of the firstborn from the one he doesn’t.
Then it shall be, when he maketh his sons to inherit {that} which he hath, {that} he may not make the son of the beloved firstborn before the son of the hated, {which is indeed} the firstborn:
He’s gotta recognize the firstborn from the wife he’s not into and give him double of everything, ‘cause that’s where the strength lies; the firstborn rights belong to him.
But he shall acknowledge the son of the hated {for} the firstborn, by giving him a double portion of all that he hath: for he {is} the beginning of his strength; the right of the firstborn {is} his. {that...: Heb. that is found with him}
If a dude has a rebellious and stubborn son who won’t take advice from his parents, even after they try to set him straight,
If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and {that}, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
His parents will grab him and bring him to the city elders at the gate.
Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
They’ll say to the elders, 'This kid is out of control and won’t listen; he’s a glutton and a drunkard.'
And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son {is} stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; {he is} a glutton, and a drunkard.
Then all the men in the city will stone him until he’s done. That’s how you purge evil from among you, and all Israel will hear and be shook.
And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all Israel shall hear, and fear.
If a dude does something that calls for the death penalty and he’s set to be hung, and you hang him on a tree,
And if a man have committed a sin worthy of death, and he be to be put to death, and thou hang him on a tree:
His body can’t chill up all night; you gotta bury him that day, 'cause anyone hanged is cursed by God, and you don’t want your land messed up, which God gave you as your inheritance.
His body shall not remain all night upon the tree, but thou shalt in any wise bury him that day; (for he that is hanged {is} accursed of God;) that thy land be not defiled, which the LORD thy God giveth thee {for} an inheritance. {accursed...: Heb. the curse of God}