Numbers Chapter 17
So the Lord was like, "Yo, Moses, you gotta hear this."
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Tell the crew of Israel to grab a stick each, twelve sticks total, one for each squad leader, and write their names on them.
Speak unto the children of Israel, and take of every one of them a rod according to the house of {their} fathers, of all their princes according to the house of their fathers twelve rods: write thou every man's name upon his rod.
For real, throw Aaron’s name on Levi’s stick, 'cause that’s the head honcho of the fam.
And thou shalt write Aaron's name upon the rod of Levi: for one rod {shall be} for the head of the house of their fathers.
Keep them in the tabernacle where we chill, 'cause that’s where I’ll meet you.
And thou shalt lay them up in the tabernacle of the congregation before the testimony, where I will meet with you.
The stick of the chosen one is gonna bloom, and I’ll put an end to the drama from the Israelites who are always whining.
And it shall come to pass, {that} the man's rod, whom I shall choose, shall blossom: and I will make to cease from me the murmurings of the children of Israel, whereby they murmur against you.
Moses shared the word with Israel, and every leader dropped off a stick, twelve in total, with Aaron’s stick included.
And Moses spake unto the children of Israel, and every one of their princes gave him a rod apiece, for each prince one, according to their fathers' houses, {even} twelve rods: and the rod of Aaron {was} among their rods. {a rod...: Heb. a rod for one prince, a rod for one prince}
Moses placed the sticks in front of the Lord at the witness tabernacle.
And Moses laid up the rods before the LORD in the tabernacle of witness.
Next morning, Moses checked the witness tabernacle, and Aaron’s stick was all sprouted with buds and almonds, like, no cap, that’s wild.
And it came to pass, that on the morrow Moses went into the tabernacle of witness; and, behold, the rod of Aaron for the house of Levi was budded, and brought forth buds, and bloomed blossoms, and yielded almonds.
Moses pulled out all the sticks for the Israelites to check out, and everyone picked up their own.
And Moses brought out all the rods from before the LORD unto all the children of Israel: and they looked, and took every man his rod.
The Lord told Moses, "Bring Aaron’s stick back to keep as a sign against the haters; I’ll stop their griping."
And the LORD said unto Moses, Bring Aaron's rod again before the testimony, to be kept for a token against the rebels; and thou shalt quite take away their murmurings from me, that they die not. {rebels: Heb. children of rebellion}
Moses was like, "Bet," and did exactly what the Lord said.
And Moses did {so}: as the LORD commanded him, so did he.
The Israelites were like, "Yo, we’re done for, this is it!"
And the children of Israel spake unto Moses, saying, Behold, we die, we perish, we all perish.
Anyone who rolls up to the Lord’s tabernacle is gonna face the wrath; are we really about to go out like this?
Whosoever cometh any thing near unto the tabernacle of the LORD shall die: shall we be consumed with dying?