Mark Chapter 16
So, after the Sabbath, Mary Magdalene, James' ma, and Salome pulled up with some dope spices to vibe check Jesus.
And when the sabbath was past, Mary Magdalene, and Mary the {mother} of James, and Salome, had bought sweet spices, that they might come and anoint him.
Super early on Sunday, they cruised to the tomb as the sun was coming up.
And very early in the morning the first {day} of the week, they came unto the sepulchre at the rising of the sun.
They were wondering, "Who’s gonna move the stone for us?"
And they said among themselves, Who shall roll us away the stone from the door of the sepulchre?
When they peeped, the stone was already rolled away—like, it was massive.
And when they looked, they saw that the stone was rolled away: for it was very great.
They went inside and spotted a young dude chilling on the right side, decked out in all white; they were totally shook.
And entering into the sepulchre, they saw a young man sitting on the right side, clothed in a long white garment; and they were affrighted.
He was like, "Yo, chill out, don’t be scared. You’re looking for Jesus from Nazareth who got crucified—he’s risen, not here. Check out the spot where they laid him down."
And he saith unto them, Be not affrighted: Ye seek Jesus of Nazareth, which was crucified: he is risen; he is not here: behold the place where they laid him.
"Now bounce and hit up his disciples and Peter, telling them he’s ahead of you in Galilee; you’ll see him just like he said."
But go your way, tell his disciples and Peter that he goeth before you into Galilee: there shall ye see him, as he said unto you.
They dipped out quick, all shook and amazed, and didn't spill the tea to anyone because they were scared.
And they went out quickly, and fled from the sepulchre; for they trembled and were amazed: neither said they any thing to any {man}; for they were afraid.
When Jesus rose on Sunday, he first showed up to Mary Magdalene, outta whom he had cast seven demons.
Now when {Jesus} was risen early the first {day} of the week, he appeared first to Mary Magdalene, out of whom he had cast seven devils.
She bounced and spilled the tea to the crew who were mourning and crying.
{And} she went and told them that had been with him, as they mourned and wept.
When they heard he was alive and seen by her, they were like, "Nah, that’s sus."
And they, when they had heard that he was alive, and had been seen of her, believed not.
Then he appeared in a different form to two of them while they were strolling in the country.
After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.
They went and told the rest, but they didn’t believe them either.
And they went and told {it} unto the residue: neither believed they them.
Later, he showed up to the eleven while they were chilling and called them out for their doubts and hard hearts for not believing those who had seen him after he rose.
Afterward he appeared unto the eleven as they sat at meat, and upbraided them with their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they believed not them which had seen him after he was risen. {at meat: or, together}
He dropped, "Go into the whole world and spread the gospel to every living being."
And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature.
Anyone who believes and gets baptized will be saved; but whoever doesn’t believe is mad sus.
He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not shall be damned.
These signs will follow the believers; in my name, they’ll cast out demons and speak in new languages.
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues;
They’ll handle snakes, and if they drink anything toxic, it won’t harm them; they’ll lay hands on the sick, and they’ll bounce back.
They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.
After he said all that, he was taken up into heaven and sat at God’s right hand.
So then after the Lord had spoken unto them, he was received up into heaven, and sat on the right hand of God.
They went out and preached everywhere, with the Lord having their backs and confirming the word with signs. Amen.
And they went forth, and preached every where, the Lord working with {them}, and confirming the word with signs following. Amen.