Luke Chapter 19
So Jesus rolled through Jericho like it was nothing.
And {Jesus} entered and passed through Jericho.
There was this guy named Zaccheus, the head honcho of the tax collectors, and he was stacking mad cash.
And, behold, {there was} a man named Zacchaeus, which was the chief among the publicans, and he was rich.
He was trying to peep who Jesus was, but the crowd was too thick, and he was kinda short.
And he sought to see Jesus who he was; and could not for the press, because he was little of stature.
So he dipped ahead and climbed up in a sycamore tree to catch a look, since Jesus was about to cruise by.
And he ran before, and climbed up into a sycomore tree to see him: for he was to pass that {way}.
When Jesus got to the spot, he looked up, spotted him, and said, "Zaccheus, get down fast; I gotta crash at your place today."
And when Jesus came to the place, he looked up, and saw him, and said unto him, Zacchaeus, make haste, and come down; for to day I must abide at thy house.
Zaccheus dropped down quick and welcomed him with major excitement.
And he made haste, and came down, and received him joyfully.
When the crowd caught wind of this, they were all chatting, saying, "He’s chilling with a sinner, no cap."
And when they saw {it}, they all murmured, saying, That he was gone to be guest with a man that is a sinner.
Zaccheus stood up and said to the Lord, "Yo, I’m giving away half my stuff to the poor, and if I’ve ripped anyone off, I’ll pay them back four times what I took."
And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore {him} fourfold.
Jesus responded, "Today, salvation has come to this house, 'cause he’s also a son of Abraham."
And Jesus said unto him, This day is salvation come to this house, forsomuch as he also is a son of Abraham.
The Son of Man rolled through to look for and save what was lost, periodt.
For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.
Everyone was vibing with his words, so he dropped a parable since he was near Jerusalem, and they thought the kingdom of God was about to drop, no cap.
And as they heard these things, he added and spake a parable, because he was nigh to Jerusalem, and because they thought that the kingdom of God should immediately appear.
He was like, "A wealthy dude went to a far-off place to claim his kingdom and bounce back home."
He said therefore, A certain nobleman went into a far country to receive for himself a kingdom, and to return.
Then he called his ten servants, gave each of them a pound, and said, "Get to grinding until I return."
And he called his ten servants, and delivered them ten pounds, and said unto them, Occupy till I come. {pounds: mina, here translated a pound, is twelve ounces and an half: which according to five shillings the ounce is three pounds two shillings and sixpence}
But his crew wasn’t feeling it, sending back a message saying, "We don’t want this guy to rule over us."
But his citizens hated him, and sent a message after him, saying, We will not have this {man} to reign over us.
When he returned after snagging the kingdom, he called his servants to see what they had done with the cash.
And it came to pass, that when he was returned, having received the kingdom, then he commanded these servants to be called unto him, to whom he had given the money, that he might know how much every man had gained by trading. {money: Gr. silver}
The first came through and said, "Yo, Lord, your pound made ten pounds!"
Then came the first, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds.
He replied, "Ayy, solid servant! You’ve been loyal with a little, so I’m giving you power over ten cities."
And he said unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little, have thou authority over ten cities.
Then the second came in, saying, "Lord, your pound made five pounds."
And the second came, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained five pounds.
He said to him, "You get to lead over five cities."
And he said likewise to him, Be thou also over five cities.
Another showed up and said, "Lord, here’s your pound; I just kept it chill in a napkin."
And another came, saying, Lord, behold, {here is} thy pound, which I have kept laid up in a napkin:
I was lowkey scared of you, 'cause you’re a tough dude: you take what you didn’t drop, and harvest what you didn’t plant.
For I feared thee, because thou art an austere man: thou takest up that thou layedst not down, and reapest that thou didst not sow.
He’s like, “I’m gonna judge you straight from your own words, you sus servant. You knew I was a tough dude, taking what I didn’t lay down and reaping what I didn’t sow.”
And he saith unto him, Out of thine own mouth will I judge thee, {thou} wicked servant. Thou knewest that I was an austere man, taking up that I laid not down, and reaping that I did not sow:
So why didn’t you just stash my money in the bank, so when I came back, I could’ve got my own with some interest?
Wherefore then gavest not thou my money into the bank, that at my coming I might have required mine own with usury? {money: Gr. silver}
Then he told the homies nearby, “Yo, take that pound from him and give it to the dude with ten pounds.”
And he said unto them that stood by, Take from him the pound, and give {it} to him that hath ten pounds.
(They were like, “But Lord, he already has ten pounds.”)
(And they said unto him, Lord, he hath ten pounds.)
For real, I’m telling you, to everyone who has, more will be given; and from the one who doesn’t have, even what they do have will be taken away.
For I say unto you, That unto every one which hath shall be given; and from him that hath not, even that he hath shall be taken away from him.
And those haters of mine who didn’t want me to be their king, bring them here and slay them in front of me.
But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay {them} before me.
After saying this, he bounced, heading up to Jerusalem.
And when he had thus spoken, he went before, ascending up to Jerusalem.
As he got near Bethphage and Bethany, at the mountain called the Mount of Olives, he sent two of his homies.
And it came to pass, when he was come nigh to Bethphage and Bethany, at the mount called {the mount} of Olives, he sent two of his disciples,
He was like, “Go into the village ahead of you; when you arrive, you’ll find a colt tied up that nobody’s ridden. Untie him and bring him here.”
Saying, Go ye into the village over against {you}; in the which at your entering ye shall find a colt tied, whereon yet never man sat: loose him, and bring {him hither}.
If anyone asks you, "Why you letting him go?" just say, "The Lord's got a vibe check on him."
And if any man ask you, Why do ye loose {him}? thus shall ye say unto him, Because the Lord hath need of him.
So the crew that was sent out dipped and found it just like he said.
And they that were sent went their way, and found even as he had said unto them.
As they were untying the colt, the owners were like, "Why you freeing that colt?"
And as they were loosing the colt, the owners thereof said unto them, Why loose ye the colt?
They replied, "The Lord's got a need for him."
And they said, The Lord hath need of him.
Then they brought him to Jesus, tossed their jackets on the colt, and set Jesus on it.
And they brought him to Jesus: and they cast their garments upon the colt, and they set Jesus thereon.
As he cruised along, they laid their clothes down on the road.
And as he went, they spread their clothes in the way.
When he got close, like right at the slope of the Mount of Olives, the whole squad of disciples started vibing and praising God super loud for all the dope things they had seen.
And when he was come nigh, even now at the descent of the mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works that they had seen;
They were saying, "Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord! Peace in heaven, and glory on high!"
Saying, Blessed {be} the King that cometh in the name of the Lord: peace in heaven, and glory in the highest.
Some Pharisees in the crowd told him, "Yo, Master, tell your squad to chill out."
And some of the Pharisees from among the multitude said unto him, Master, rebuke thy disciples.
He replied, "For real, if they keep quiet, even the stones would start to shout."
And he answered and said unto them, I tell you that, if these should hold their peace, the stones would immediately cry out.
As he got closer, he peeped the city and straight up started crying over it, no cap.
And when he was come near, he beheld the city, and wept over it,
He was like, "If only you knew what was lit for you on this day, fam! But now it's all sus to you."
Saying, If thou hadst known, even thou, at least in this thy day, the things {which belong} unto thy peace! but now they are hid from thine eyes.
For real, days are coming when your haters will surround you, trapping you on all sides, fr.
For the days shall come upon thee, that thine enemies shall cast a trench about thee, and compass thee round, and keep thee in on every side,
They gonna crush you and your kids, leaving not a single stone stacked, 'cause you missed your moment.
And shall lay thee even with the ground, and thy children within thee; and they shall not leave in thee one stone upon another; because thou knewest not the time of thy visitation.
Then he rolled up in the temple and started kicking out the sellers and buyers, like, "Nah."
And he went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold therein, and them that bought;
He told them, "Yo, it’s written, my spot is for prayer, but you turned it into a thieves' hangout, savage."
Saying unto them, It is written, My house is the house of prayer: but ye have made it a den of thieves.
He was teaching daily in the temple, but the big shots wanted to take him out, no doubt.
And he taught daily in the temple. But the chief priests and the scribes and the chief of the people sought to destroy him,
They couldn’t figure out how to pull it off since everyone was vibing with his words, super tuned in.
And could not find what they might do: for all the people were very attentive to hear him. {were...: or, hanged on him}