Judges Chapter 16
So Samson pulled up to Gaza, peeped a baddie, and was like, "Bet."
Then went Samson to Gaza, and saw there an harlot, and went in unto her. {harlot: Heb. a woman an harlot}
The Gazites caught wind he was in the area and were like, "Yo, let’s trap him all night at the city gate, then pop off in the morning."
{And it was told} the Gazites, saying, Samson is come hither. And they compassed {him} in, and laid wait for him all night in the gate of the city, and were quiet all the night, saying, In the morning, when it is day, we shall kill him. {quiet: Heb. silence}
Samson chilled till midnight, then got up and straight-up yanked the city gates and posts, tossed them on his back, and hiked them up a hill.
And Samson lay till midnight, and arose at midnight, and took the doors of the gate of the city, and the two posts, and went away with them, bar and all, and put {them} upon his shoulders, and carried them up to the top of an hill that {is} before Hebron. {bar...: Heb. with the bar}
Later, he fell for this girl in the Sorek Valley named Delilah.
And it came to pass afterward, that he loved a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name {was} Delilah. {in...: or, by the brook}
The Philistine bosses slid into her DMs, saying, "Get him to reveal the secret of his strength so we can take him down. We’ll hook you up with 1,100 silver coins."
And the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and said unto her, Entice him, and see wherein his great strength {lieth}, and by what {means} we may prevail against him, that we may bind him to afflict him: and we will give thee every one of us eleven hundred {pieces} of silver. {afflict: or, humble}
Delilah asked Samson, "For real, what’s the key to your strength, and how can I tie you up?"
And Delilah said to Samson, Tell me, I pray thee, wherein thy great strength {lieth}, and wherewith thou mightest be bound to afflict thee.
Samson was like, "If you tie me with seven fresh ropes that haven’t been dried, I’ll be weak like any other dude."
And Samson said unto her, If they bind me with seven green withs that were never dried, then shall I be weak, and be as another man. {green...: or, new cords: Heb. moist} {another: Heb. one}
The Philistine bosses brought her those seven fresh ropes, and she tied him up with them.
Then the lords of the Philistines brought up to her seven green withs which had not been dried, and she bound him with them. {green...: or, new cords: Heb. moist}
Meanwhile, there were peeps hiding in the room. She was like, "Samson, the Philistines are coming!" He broke the ropes like they were nothing, so nobody figured out his strength.
Now {there were} men lying in wait, abiding with her in the chamber. And she said unto him, The Philistines {be} upon thee, Samson. And he brake the withs, as a thread of tow is broken when it toucheth the fire. So his strength was not known. {toucheth: Heb. smelleth}
Delilah said to Samson, "You’re playing me, telling me lies! Now spill the real tea on how you can be tied up."
And Delilah said unto Samson, Behold, thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: now tell me, I pray thee, wherewith thou mightest be bound.
He was like, "If you tie me with fresh ropes that have never been used, I’ll be weak, like a total noob."
And he said unto her, If they bind me fast with new ropes that never were occupied, then shall I be weak, and be as another man. {that never...: Heb. wherewith work hath not been done}
Delilah grabbed new ropes and tied him up, saying, "Yo, the Philistines are coming for you, Samson." But there were peeps lurking in the shadows. He snapped those ropes off like they were nothing.
Delilah therefore took new ropes, and bound him therewith, and said unto him, The Philistines {be} upon thee, Samson. And {there were} liers in wait abiding in the chamber. And he brake them from off his arms like a thread.
Delilah was like, "You’ve been playing me and feeding me fibs. Spill the tea on how you can be tied up." He replied, "If you weave my seven hair locks into something."
And Delilah said unto Samson, Hitherto thou hast mocked me, and told me lies: tell me wherewith thou mightest be bound. And he said unto her, If thou weavest the seven locks of my head with the web.
She secured it with a pin and said, "The Philistines are on you, Samson." He woke up, yanked the pin out, and bounced with the web.
And she fastened {it} with the pin, and said unto him, The Philistines {be} upon thee, Samson. And he awaked out of his sleep, and went away with the pin of the beam, and with the web.
She asked, "How can you say you love me when your heart's not in it? You’ve played me three times and still haven’t told me where your power comes from."
And she said unto him, How canst thou say, I love thee, when thine heart {is} not with me? thou hast mocked me these three times, and hast not told me wherein thy great strength {lieth}.
After she kept hounding him every day, he was so stressed he felt like he was gonna lose it.
And it came to pass, when she pressed him daily with her words, and urged him, {so} that his soul was vexed unto death; {vexed: Heb. shortened}
So he spilled everything, saying, "No razor’s touched my head; I’ve been dedicated to God since day one. If I get shaved, I’ll be weak like any regular dude."
That he told her all his heart, and said unto her, There hath not come a razor upon mine head; for I {have been} a Nazarite unto God from my mother's womb: if I be shaven, then my strength will go from me, and I shall become weak, and be like any {other} man.
When Delilah saw he opened up, she called the Philistine bosses, saying, "Yo, come check this out; he just told me everything." They showed up with cash in hand.
And when Delilah saw that he had told her all his heart, she sent and called for the lords of the Philistines, saying, Come up this once, for he hath shewed me all his heart. Then the lords of the Philistines came up unto her, and brought money in their hand.
She made him chill on her lap, called a dude, and got him to shave off his seven locks. She started messing with him, and his strength dipped.
And she made him sleep upon her knees; and she called for a man, and she caused him to shave off the seven locks of his head; and she began to afflict him, and his strength went from him.
She said, "The Philistines are on you, Samson." He woke up and thought, "I’ll just shake it off like before." But he had no clue the Lord had dipped on him.
And she said, The Philistines {be} upon thee, Samson. And he awoke out of his sleep, and said, I will go out as at other times before, and shake myself. And he wist not that the LORD was departed from him.
The Philistines caught him, took out his eyes, and brought him to Gaza, locking him up in chains; dude was grinding in prison, no cap.
But the Philistines took him, and put out his eyes, and brought him down to Gaza, and bound him with fetters of brass; and he did grind in the prison house. {put out: Heb. bored out}
But his hair started growing back after they shaved him, fr.
Howbeit the hair of his head began to grow again after he was shaven. {after...: or, as when he was shaven}
The Philistine bosses threw a massive party to worship Dagon, their god, saying, "Our god totally handed over Samson, our enemy!"
Then the lords of the Philistines gathered them together for to offer a great sacrifice unto Dagon their god, and to rejoice: for they said, Our god hath delivered Samson our enemy into our hand.
When the crowd saw him, they hyped up their god, saying, "Our god gave us our enemy and the one who wrecked our land, lit."
And when the people saw him, they praised their god: for they said, Our god hath delivered into our hands our enemy, and the destroyer of our country, which slew many of us. {which...: Heb. and who multiplied our slain}
When they were feeling good, they said, "Yo, bring out Samson for some entertainment." So they called him from prison, and he gave them a show, chillin' between the pillars.
And it came to pass, when their hearts were merry, that they said, Call for Samson, that he may make us sport. And they called for Samson out of the prison house; and he made them sport: and they set him between the pillars. {them: Heb. before them}
Samson told the kid holding his hand, "Let me feel the pillars holding this place up so I can lean on them."
And Samson said unto the lad that held him by the hand, Suffer me that I may feel the pillars whereupon the house standeth, that I may lean upon them.
The spot was packed with dudes and ladies; all the Philistine lords were there, and about three thousand peeps were on the roof watching Samson perform.
Now the house was full of men and women; and all the lords of the Philistines {were} there; and {there were} upon the roof about three thousand men and women, that beheld while Samson made sport.
Samson called out to the Lord, saying, "Yo, God, remember me, please, and give me strength one last time so I can get back at the Philistines for my eyes."
And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord GOD, remember me, I pray thee, and strengthen me, I pray thee, only this once, O God, that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes.
Samson grabbed the two middle pillars that supported the house, one with his right hand and the other with his left.
And Samson took hold of the two middle pillars upon which the house stood, and on which it was borne up, of the one with his right hand, and of the other with his left. {on which...: or, he leaned on them}
Samson said, "Let me go out with the Philistines." He pushed with all his might, and the house crashed down on the lords and everyone inside. He took out more peeps when he died than he did while alive, periodt.
And Samson said, Let me die with the Philistines. And he bowed himself with {all his} might; and the house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that {were} therein. So the dead which he slew at his death were more than {they} which he slew in his life. {me: Heb. my soul}
Then his fam and all his peeps rolled up, took him, and laid him to rest between Zorah and Eshtaol in Manoah's chill spot. He was the judge of Israel for twenty years, no cap.
Then his brethren and all the house of his father came down, and took him, and brought {him} up, and buried him between Zorah and Eshtaol in the buryingplace of Manoah his father. And he judged Israel twenty years.