Joshua Chapter 9
So like, all the kings chilling on this side of the Jordan, in the hills and valleys, and along the coast of the big sea, caught wind of the news, no cap.
And it came to pass, when all the kings which {were} on this side Jordan, in the hills, and in the valleys, and in all the coasts of the great sea over against Lebanon, the Hittite, and the Amorite, the Canaanite, the Perizzite, the Hivite, and the Jebusite, heard {thereof};
They all gathered to confront Joshua and Israel, totally vibing together.
That they gathered themselves together, to fight with Joshua and with Israel, with one accord. {accord: Heb. mouth}
Once the Gibeon crew peeped what Joshua did to Jericho and Ai, they were shook.
And when the inhabitants of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done unto Jericho and to Ai,
They pulled a fast one, pretending to be ambassadors, rolling in with worn-out sacks on their donkeys and beat-up wine bottles.
They did work wilily, and went and made as if they had been ambassadors, and took old sacks upon their asses, and wine bottles, old, and rent, and bound up;
Their kicks were all wrecked, and they were wearing tattered clothes; their bread was dry and moldy, straight up nasty.
And old shoes and clouted upon their feet, and old garments upon them; and all the bread of their provision was dry {and} mouldy.
They came to Joshua at Gilgal and were like, 'Yo, we traveled from a distant place; let’s make a deal.'
And they went to Joshua unto the camp at Gilgal, and said unto him, and to the men of Israel, We be come from a far country: now therefore make ye a league with us.
The Israel squad responded, 'Hold up, you might actually live nearby; how can we roll with you?'
And the men of Israel said unto the Hivites, Peradventure ye dwell among us; and how shall we make a league with you?
They told Joshua, 'We’re your servants.' But Joshua was like, 'Who even are you? Where you from?'
And they said unto Joshua, We {are} thy servants. And Joshua said unto them, Who {are} ye? and from whence come ye?
They answered, 'We came from way out, your servants, because we heard about the Lord your God and all the legendary stuff He did in Egypt.'
And they said unto him, From a very far country thy servants are come because of the name of the LORD thy God: for we have heard the fame of him, and all that he did in Egypt,
They also shared what He did to the two kings of the Amorites past the Jordan, Sihon king of Heshbon and Og king of Bashan, who was at Ashtaroth, straight-up iconic.
And all that he did to the two kings of the Amorites, that {were} beyond Jordan, to Sihon king of Heshbon, and to Og king of Bashan, which {was} at Ashtaroth.
So our elders and everyone in the crew was like, 'Yo, pack some snacks for the journey and go meet them. Tell them we’re your ride or dies: let’s make a deal.'
Wherefore our elders and all the inhabitants of our country spake to us, saying, Take victuals with you for the journey, and go to meet them, and say unto them, We {are} your servants: therefore now make ye a league with us. {with you: Heb. in your hand}
We snatched this bread fresh outta the oven when we bounced from our crib, but now it’s all crusty and moldy, no cap.
This our bread we took hot {for} our provision out of our houses on the day we came forth to go unto you; but now, behold, it is dry, and it is mouldy:
These wine bottles we filled were brand new, but now they’re totally wrecked, and our clothes and kicks are looking worn out from the long journey.
And these bottles of wine, which we filled, {were} new; and, behold, they be rent: and these our garments and our shoes are become old by reason of the very long journey.
The guys snagged their snacks but totally forgot to check in with God about it.
And the men took of their victuals, and asked not {counsel} at the mouth of the LORD. {the men...: or, they received the men by reason of their victuals}
Joshua said, 'Let’s vibe with them,' and made a deal to let them chill: the leaders promised to keep it 100.
And Joshua made peace with them, and made a league with them, to let them live: and the princes of the congregation sware unto them.
Three days later, they found out these folks were their neighbors, living right next door, sus.
And it came to pass at the end of three days after they had made a league with them, that they heard that they {were} their neighbours, and {that} they dwelt among them.
The Israelites rolled up to their cities on day three. Their spots were Gibeon, Chephirah, Beeroth, and Kirjath–jearim.
And the children of Israel journeyed, and came unto their cities on the third day. Now their cities {were} Gibeon, and Chephirah, and Beeroth, and Kirjathjearim.
The Israelites didn’t take them out since the leaders had sworn to them by the Lord God of Israel. Everyone was low-key complaining about the leaders.
And the children of Israel smote them not, because the princes of the congregation had sworn unto them by the LORD God of Israel. And all the congregation murmured against the princes.
But the leaders told the whole squad, 'We promised them by the Lord God of Israel, so we can’t mess with them.'
But all the princes said unto all the congregation, We have sworn unto them by the LORD God of Israel: now therefore we may not touch them.
'Here’s the game plan: we’ll let them live, or else we’ll catch some serious heat for breaking our promise.'
This we will do to them; we will even let them live, lest wrath be upon us, because of the oath which we sware unto them.
The princes were like, 'Let them live, but they gotta chop wood and fetch water for the crew,' just like they promised.
And the princes said unto them, Let them live; but let them be hewers of wood and drawers of water unto all the congregation; as the princes had promised them.
Joshua pulled them aside and was like, 'Why you gotta front and say you’re far away when you’re right here with us?'
And Joshua called for them, and he spake unto them, saying, Wherefore have ye beguiled us, saying, We {are} very far from you; when ye dwell among us?
So now you’re cursed, and no one’s getting outta being wood-choppers and water-fetchers for my God’s house, no cap.
Now therefore ye {are} cursed, and there shall none of you be freed from being bondmen, and hewers of wood and drawers of water for the house of my God. {none...: Heb. not be cut off from you}
They replied to Joshua, 'We heard your God told Moses to give you all this land and wipe out everyone here, so we were shook and did this.'
And they answered Joshua, and said, Because it was certainly told thy servants, how that the LORD thy God commanded his servant Moses to give you all the land, and to destroy all the inhabitants of the land from before you, therefore we were sore afraid of our lives because of you, and have done this thing.
Now we’re in your hands: do what you think is lit and right for us.
And now, behold, we {are} in thine hand: as it seemeth good and right unto thee to do unto us, do.
And Joshua did just that, saving them from the Israelites so they wouldn’t get wrecked.
And so did he unto them, and delivered them out of the hand of the children of Israel, that they slew them not.
Joshua made them wood-choppers and water-fetchers for the community and the Lord's altar, and that’s still the vibe today, wherever he picks.
And Joshua made them that day hewers of wood and drawers of water for the congregation, and for the altar of the LORD, even unto this day, in the place which he should choose. {made: Heb. gave, or, delivered to be}