Jonah Chapter 1
So the message from the Lord hit up Jonah, son of Amittai, saying,
Now the word of the LORD came unto Jonah the son of Amittai, saying, {Jonah: Gr. Jonas}
Yo, bounce and head to Nineveh, that massive city, and call them out; their wicked vibes are off the charts.
Arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry against it; for their wickedness is come up before me.
But Jonah was like, “Nah,” and cruised to Tarshish, trying to ghost the Lord. He snagged a ride to Tarshish, dropped some cash, and boarded.
But Jonah rose up to flee unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD, and went down to Joppa; and he found a ship going to Tarshish: so he paid the fare thereof, and went down into it, to go with them unto Tarshish from the presence of the LORD.
God literally sent a dope wind into the sea, and things got super hectic, like the ship was gonna snap.
But the LORD sent out a great wind into the sea, and there was a mighty tempest in the sea, so that the ship was like to be broken. {sent out: Heb. cast forth} {was like...: Heb. thought to be broken}
The sailors were shook, praying to their gods and tossing stuff overboard to lighten the vibe. But Jonah was down in the ship, catching some serious Z’s.
Then the mariners were afraid, and cried every man unto his god, and cast forth the wares that {were} in the ship into the sea, to lighten {it} of them. But Jonah was gone down into the sides of the ship; and he lay, and was fast asleep.
The captain rolled up on him and was like, “What’s good, sleeper? Wake up and hit up your God, maybe He’ll hook us up and save us from this chaos.”
So the shipmaster came to him, and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.
They said to each other, “Let’s roll some dice to figure out who’s causing this mess.” They cast lots, and it pointed to Jonah.
And they said every one to his fellow, Come, and let us cast lots, that we may know for whose cause this evil {is} upon us. So they cast lots, and the lot fell upon Jonah.
They asked him, “Yo, spill the tea, why is this going down? What do you do? Where you from? What’s your crew?”
Then said they unto him, Tell us, we pray thee, for whose cause this evil {is} upon us; What {is} thine occupation? and whence comest thou? what {is} thy country? and of what people {art} thou?
Jonah replied, “I’m a Hebrew, and I vibe with the Lord, the God of heaven, who crafted the sea and the land.”
And he said unto them, I {am} an Hebrew; and I fear the LORD, the God of heaven, which hath made the sea and the dry {land}. {the LORD: or, JEHOVAH}
The guys were super shook and asked him, “Why’d you pull this move? We know you’re running from the Lord.”
Then were the men exceedingly afraid, and said unto him, Why hast thou done this? For the men knew that he fled from the presence of the LORD, because he had told them. {exceedingly...: Heb. with great fear}
They said, “What should we do to calm the sea for us? It’s going wild out here.”
Then said they unto him, What shall we do unto thee, that the sea may be calm unto us? for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous. {may...: Heb. may be silent from us} {wrought...: or, grew more and more tempestuous: Heb. went}
Jonah said, “Just toss me into the sea; it'll chill for you. I know this storm is all my fault.”
And he said unto them, Take me up, and cast me forth into the sea; so shall the sea be calm unto you: for I know that for my sake this great tempest {is} upon you.
But the crew rowed hard to reach land, but they couldn’t; the sea was still wild against them.
Nevertheless the men rowed hard to bring {it} to the land; but they could not: for the sea wrought, and was tempestuous against them. {rowed: Heb. digged} {wrought...: or, grew more and more tempestuous: Heb. went}
So they cried out to the Lord, “Please don’t let us die because of this dude’s life! Don’t put innocent blood on us; You’re the one in charge.”
Wherefore they cried unto the LORD, and said, We beseech thee, O LORD, we beseech thee, let us not perish for this man's life, and lay not upon us innocent blood: for thou, O LORD, hast done as it pleased thee.
They picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the waves stopped raging.
So they took up Jonah, and cast him forth into the sea: and the sea ceased from her raging. {ceased: Heb. stood}
Then the men were shook by the Lord and offered a sacrifice and made promises.
Then the men feared the LORD exceedingly, and offered a sacrifice unto the LORD, and made vows. {offered...: Heb. sacrifice unto the LORD, and vowed vows}
The Lord had a massive fish ready to swallow Jonah, and he was in the fish’s belly for three days and three nights.
Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. {belly: Heb. bowels}