Genesis Chapter 37
So Jacob was just chilling in Canaan, where his pops was a total outsider.
And Jacob dwelt in the land wherein his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan. {wherein...: Heb. of his father's sojournings}
Jacob's fam was straight fire. Joseph, just 17, was out here taking care of the flocks with his bros; he was hanging out with Bilhah and Zilpah's kids, and he ended up snitching on them to his pops.
These {are} the generations of Jacob. Joseph, {being} seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brethren; and the lad {was} with the sons of Bilhah, and with the sons of Zilpah, his father's wives: and Joseph brought unto his father their evil report.
Israel was super into Joseph, way more than his other siblings, since he was born late in life. He even hooked him up with this sick multicolored coat.
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he {was} the son of his old age: and he made him a coat of {many} colours. {colours: or, pieces}
When his brothers noticed their dad was vibing way harder with Joseph, they got low-key jealous and couldn’t even act nice around him.
And when his brethren saw that their father loved him more than all his brethren, they hated him, and could not speak peaceably unto him.
Joseph had this crazy dream and spilled the tea to his bros, making them even saltier.
And Joseph dreamed a dream, and he told {it} his brethren: and they hated him yet the more.
He was like, "Yo, check out this dream I just had!"
And he said unto them, Hear, I pray you, this dream which I have dreamed:
So, we were tying up grain in the field, and my bundle just stood up while yours were bowing down to mine.
For, behold, we {were} binding sheaves in the field, and, lo, my sheaf arose, and also stood upright; and, behold, your sheaves stood round about, and made obeisance to my sheaf.
His bros were like, "You really think you’re gonna be the boss of us? Bet." They were even more ticked about his dreams and what he was saying.
And his brethren said to him, Shalt thou indeed reign over us? or shalt thou indeed have dominion over us? And they hated him yet the more for his dreams, and for his words.
Then he had another dream and told his bros, "I had another one! The sun, moon, and eleven stars were bowing down to me."
And he dreamed yet another dream, and told it his brethren, and said, Behold, I have dreamed a dream more; and, behold, the sun and the moon and the eleven stars made obeisance to me.
He shared it with his dad and bros, and his dad was like, "What’s up with this dream? You think we’re all gonna bow to you? No cap?"
And he told {it} to his father, and to his brethren: and his father rebuked him, and said unto him, What {is} this dream that thou hast dreamed? Shall I and thy mother and thy brethren indeed come to bow down ourselves to thee to the earth?
His bros were super jelly, but his dad was vibing with what he said.
And his brethren envied him; but his father observed the saying.
His bros dipped to tend to their dad’s sheep over in Shechem.
And his brethren went to feed their father's flock in Shechem.
Israel was like, "Aren’t your bros feeding the sheep in Shechem? Come through, I got a task for you." He was like, "I’m down for that."
And Israel said unto Joseph, Do not thy brethren feed {the flock} in Shechem? come, and I will send thee unto them. And he said to him, Here {am I}.
He told him, "Go check on your bros and the flocks, then hit me up with the scoop." So, he sent him out from Hebron, and he cruised over to Shechem.
And he said to him, Go, I pray thee, see whether it be well with thy brethren, and well with the flocks; and bring me word again. So he sent him out of the vale of Hebron, and he came to Shechem. {see...: Heb. see the peace of thy brethren, etc.}
Some dude found him wandering in the field and asked, "What’s up? What are you looking for?"
And a certain man found him, and, behold, {he was} wandering in the field: and the man asked him, saying, What seekest thou?
He replied, "I’m looking for my bros. Can you tell me where they’re hanging out with the sheep?"
And he said, I seek my brethren: tell me, I pray thee, where they feed {their flocks}.
The guy was like, "They bailed; I heard them say they were heading to Dothan." So, Joseph chased them down and found them there.
And the man said, They are departed hence; for I heard them say, Let us go to Dothan. And Joseph went after his brethren, and found them in Dothan.
Once they spotted him from afar, before he got too close, they started plotting to take him out.
And when they saw him afar off, even before he came near unto them, they conspired against him to slay him.
They were like, "Yo, here comes that dreamer."
And they said one to another, Behold, this dreamer cometh. {dreamer: Heb. master of dreams}
"Let’s just take him out and toss him in a pit. We can say a wild beast got him and peep how his dreams play out."
Come now therefore, and let us slay him, and cast him into some pit, and we will say, Some evil beast hath devoured him: and we shall see what will become of his dreams.
Reuben overheard the plan and was like, "Chill, let’s not off him."
And Reuben heard {it}, and he delivered him out of their hands; and said, Let us not kill him.
He suggested, "No cap, let’s just toss him in this pit instead, then we can get him back to Dad later."
And Reuben said unto them, Shed no blood, {but} cast him into this pit that {is} in the wilderness, and lay no hand upon him; that he might rid him out of their hands, to deliver him to his father again.
When Joseph showed up, they straight-up ripped off his dope coat.
And it came to pass, when Joseph was come unto his brethren, that they stript Joseph out of his coat, {his} coat of {many} colours that {was} on him; {colours: or, pieces}
They tossed him into an empty pit, like, no water at all.
And they took him, and cast him into a pit: and the pit {was} empty, {there was} no water in it.
Then they sat down to munch, but peeped a crew of Ishmeelites rolling in with spices headed for Egypt.
And they sat down to eat bread: and they lifted up their eyes and looked, and, behold, a company of Ishmeelites came from Gilead with their camels bearing spicery and balm and myrrh, going to carry {it} down to Egypt.
Judah was like, "What’s the vibe if we take our bro out and hide the evidence?"
And Judah said unto his brethren, What profit {is it} if we slay our brother, and conceal his blood?
He said, "Bet, let’s just sell him to the Ishmeelites; he’s still family, after all." His bros were down.
Come, and let us sell him to the Ishmeelites, and let not our hand be upon him; for he {is} our brother {and} our flesh. And his brethren were content. {were...: Heb. hearkened}
Then some Midianite traders came by, and they pulled Joseph outta the pit and sold him for twenty silver coins, taking him to Egypt.
Then there passed by Midianites merchantmen; and they drew and lifted up Joseph out of the pit, and sold Joseph to the Ishmeelites for twenty {pieces} of silver: and they brought Joseph into Egypt.
Reuben came back to the pit and freaked out when he saw Joseph was missing; he ripped his clothes in despair.
And Reuben returned unto the pit; and, behold, Joseph {was} not in the pit; and he rent his clothes.
He told his bros, "Dude, he’s not here; what am I supposed to do now?"
And he returned unto his brethren, and said, The child {is} not; and I, whither shall I go?
They grabbed Joseph's coat, took a goat, and soaked it in blood; savage move.
And they took Joseph's coat, and killed a kid of the goats, and dipped the coat in the blood;
They sent the colorful coat to their dad, like, "Yo, look what we found! Is this your son’s drip or nah?"
And they sent the coat of {many} colours, and they brought {it} to their father; and said, This have we found: know now whether it {be} thy son's coat or no.
He took one look and was like, "Fr, that’s my son’s coat; a savage beast totally wrecked him. Joseph is done for."
And he knew it, and said, {It is} my son's coat; an evil beast hath devoured him; Joseph is without doubt rent in pieces.
Jacob ripped his clothes, put on sackcloth, and mourned for his son for days. No cap, he was heartbroken.
And Jacob rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his loins, and mourned for his son many days.
All his kids tried to comfort him, but he was like, "Nah, I’m too crushed. I’m going down to the grave mourning for my son." His dad was straight weeping.
And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him.
The Midianites sold him to Potiphar in Egypt, who was a big deal in Pharaoh’s crew.
And the Midianites sold him into Egypt unto Potiphar, an officer of Pharaoh's, {and} captain of the guard. {officer: Heb. eunuch: but the word doth signify not only eunuchs, but also chamberlains, courtiers, and officers} {captain...: or, chief marshal: Heb. chief of the slaughter men, or executioners}