Genesis Chapter 34
Dinah, daughter of Leah, was just chilling, checking out the local girls.
And Dinah the daughter of Leah, which she bare unto Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land.
Shechem, the prince, peeped her and went full savage, took her, and they got it on.
And when Shechem the son of Hamor the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her, and lay with her, and defiled her. {defiled...: Heb. humbled her}
This dude was all about Dinah, saying, "You’re the one," and laying on the sweet talk.
And his soul clave unto Dinah the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the damsel, and spake kindly unto the damsel. {kindly...: Heb. to the heart of the damsel}
Shechem hit up his dad Hamor, saying, "Yo, I want this girl as my wifey."
And Shechem spake unto his father Hamor, saying, Get me this damsel to wife.
When Jacob found out his daughter got played, he stayed calm while his sons were out in the fields.
And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah his daughter: now his sons were with his cattle in the field: and Jacob held his peace until they were come.
Hamor, Shechem’s pops, came over to Jacob to have a word.
And Hamor the father of Shechem went out unto Jacob to commune with him.
Jacob's sons returned and were fuming, like, "This is mad sus, bro!"
And the sons of Jacob came out of the field when they heard {it}: and the men were grieved, and they were very wroth, because he had wrought folly in Israel in lying with Jacob's daughter; which thing ought not to be done.
Hamor said, "My son is totally into your daughter; can we make this official?"
And Hamor communed with them, saying, The soul of my son Shechem longeth for your daughter: I pray you give her him to wife.
Let’s vibe together; y’all give us your girls, and we’ll hook you up with ours.
And make ye marriages with us, {and} give your daughters unto us, and take our daughters unto you.
You can chill with us, and the land is yours to do your thing and make moves.
And ye shall dwell with us: and the land shall be before you; dwell and trade ye therein, and get you possessions therein.
Shechem was like, "Yo, let me vibe with your fam, and whatever you want, I gotchu."
And Shechem said unto her father and unto her brethren, Let me find grace in your eyes, and what ye shall say unto me I will give.
"Hit me up with any dowry or gifts, and I'll drop it all, just let me wifey up your girl."
Ask me never so much dowry and gift, and I will give according as ye shall say unto me: but give me the damsel to wife.
Jacob's boys were sus and hit back at Shechem and his dad with some serious deception, 'cause he messed with their sister Dinah.
And the sons of Jacob answered Shechem and Hamor his father deceitfully, and said, because he had defiled Dinah their sister:
They said, "No cap, we can’t roll with that. We can't give our sis to someone who's not circumcised; that's just savage."
And they said unto them, We cannot do this thing, to give our sister to one that is uncircumcised; for that {were} a reproach unto us:
"But if you get snipped like us, we can make it happen."
But in this will we consent unto you: If ye will be as we {be}, that every male of you be circumcised;
"Then we’ll hook up our daughters with you, and we’ll vibe together as one big fam."
Then will we give our daughters unto you, and we will take your daughters to us, and we will dwell with you, and we will become one people.
"But if you don’t listen and get circumcised, we’re taking our daughter and bouncing."
But if ye will not hearken unto us, to be circumcised; then will we take our daughter, and we will be gone.
Hamor and Shechem were feeling what they said, for real.
And their words pleased Hamor, and Shechem Hamor's son.
This dude didn't wait to get it done, 'cause he was totally into Jacob's daughter, and he was the rizz king of his fam.
And the young man deferred not to do the thing, because he had delight in Jacob's daughter: and he {was} more honourable than all the house of his father.
Hamor and Shechem hit up the city gate, chatting it up with the locals.
And Hamor and Shechem his son came unto the gate of their city, and communed with the men of their city, saying,
These guys are chill with us, so let them vibe here and trade; the land's big enough for everyone. Let’s scoop their daughters for wifey material, and we’ll give them ours too.
These men {are} peaceable with us; therefore let them dwell in the land, and trade therein; for the land, behold, {it is} large enough for them; let us take their daughters to us for wives, and let us give them our daughters.
The only way they’re down to stick around and be one crew is if all the dudes get circumcised, just like they are.
Only herein will the men consent unto us for to dwell with us, to be one people, if every male among us be circumcised, as they {are} circumcised.
Aren’t their cows and all their stuff gonna be ours? Just let’s agree, and they’ll vibe with us.
{Shall} not their cattle and their substance and every beast of theirs {be} ours? only let us consent unto them, and they will dwell with us.
Everyone who rolled outta the city gate listened to Hamor and Shechem, and all the dudes got circumcised.
And unto Hamor and unto Shechem his son hearkened all that went out of the gate of his city; and every male was circumcised, all that went out of the gate of his city.
On the third day, when they were in pain, two of Jacob's sons, Simeon and Levi, grabbed their swords and rolled up on the city, taking out all the guys.
And it came to pass on the third day, when they were sore, that two of the sons of Jacob, Simeon and Levi, Dinah's brethren, took each man his sword, and came upon the city boldly, and slew all the males.
They took out Hamor and his son Shechem with their swords, grabbed Dinah from Shechem’s crib, and bounced.
And they slew Hamor and Shechem his son with the edge of the sword, and took Dinah out of Shechem's house, and went out. {edge: Heb. mouth}
Jacob's sons came through on the fallen and looted the city 'cause they messed with their sister.
The sons of Jacob came upon the slain, and spoiled the city, because they had defiled their sister.
They snatched their sheep, oxen, and donkeys, plus whatever was in the city and fields.
They took their sheep, and their oxen, and their asses, and that which {was} in the city, and that which {was} in the field,
They took all their cash, little ones, and wives captive, and raided everything in the house.
And all their wealth, and all their little ones, and their wives took they captive, and spoiled even all that {was} in the house.
Jacob told Simeon and Levi, "Y’all made me look sus among the locals, the Canaanites and Perizzites. We’re lowkey outnumbered, and they might gang up on me and take me out; that's a big no cap for me and my fam."
And Jacob said to Simeon and Levi, Ye have troubled me to make me to stink among the inhabitants of the land, among the Canaanites and the Perizzites: and I {being} few in number, they shall gather themselves together against me, and slay me; and I shall be destroyed, I and my house.
They were like, "Should he treat our sis like she’s just some random?"
And they said, Should he deal with our sister as with an harlot?