Daniel Chapter 5
So, Belshazzar the king threw down a huge party for a thousand of his homies, sipping on some wine with the squad.
Belshazzar the king made a great feast to a thousand of his lords, and drank wine before the thousand.
While he was downing the wine, Belshazzar was like, “Yo, fetch those gold and silver cups my pops Nebuchadnezzar nabbed from the temple in Jerusalem,” so everyone could drink from them.
Belshazzar, whiles he tasted the wine, commanded to bring the golden and silver vessels which his father Nebuchadnezzar had taken out of the temple which {was} in Jerusalem; that the king, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, might drink therein. {father: or, grandfather} {taken: Chaldee, brought forth}
They brought out the gold cups from God’s temple in Jerusalem, and the king, his crew, his wives, and their side pieces all drank from them.
Then they brought the golden vessels that were taken out of the temple of the house of God which {was} at Jerusalem; and the king, and his princes, his wives, and his concubines, drank in them.
They were vibing and hyping up the gods of gold, silver, bronze, iron, wood, and stone.
They drank wine, and praised the gods of gold, and of silver, of brass, of iron, of wood, and of stone.
Suddenly, fingers showed up and started writing on the wall next to the candlestick in the palace, and the king peeped the hand doing the writing.
In the same hour came forth fingers of a man's hand, and wrote over against the candlestick upon the plaister of the wall of the king's palace: and the king saw the part of the hand that wrote.
The king’s face flipped from cool to shook, totally freaking out, like his knees were knocking.
Then the king's countenance was changed, and his thoughts troubled him, so that the joints of his loins were loosed, and his knees smote one against another. {countenance: Chaldee, brightnesses} {was changed: Chaldee, changed it} {joints: or, girdles: Chaldee, bindings, or, knots}
He yelled for the astrologers, Chaldeans, and soothsayers to roll through. The king told the wise guys of Babylon that whoever could read the writing and explain what it meant would get dripped in scarlet and rock a gold chain, plus be the third ruler in the kingdom.
The king cried aloud to bring in the astrologers, the Chaldeans, and the soothsayers. {And} the king spake, and said to the wise {men} of Babylon, Whosoever shall read this writing, and shew me the interpretation thereof, shall be clothed with scarlet, and {have} a chain of gold about his neck, and shall be the third ruler in the kingdom. {aloud: Chaldee, with might} {scarlet: or, purple}
All the king’s wise men showed up, but they couldn’t read the writing or break down the meaning for the king.
Then came in all the king's wise {men}: but they could not read the writing, nor make known to the king the interpretation thereof.
King Belshazzar was mega stressed, his face changed, and his crew was super shook.
Then was king Belshazzar greatly troubled, and his countenance was changed in him, and his lords were astonied. {countenance: Chaldee, brightnesses}
Then the queen came in because of all the drama with the king and his crew, and she was like, “O king, live forever! Don’t let your thoughts mess with you or kill your vibe.”
{Now} the queen, by reason of the words of the king and his lords, came into the banquet house: {and} the queen spake and said, O king, live for ever: let not thy thoughts trouble thee, nor let thy countenance be changed:
There’s this dude in your kingdom with mad skills, like he’s got the spirit of the holy gods. Back in the day, your pops found him lit with wisdom, like god-tier vibes, and Nebuchadnezzar made him the head of all the magicians and soothsayers.
There is a man in thy kingdom, in whom {is} the spirit of the holy gods; and in the days of thy father light and understanding and wisdom, like the wisdom of the gods, was found in him; whom the king Nebuchadnezzar thy father, the king, {I say}, thy father, made master of the magicians, astrologers, Chaldeans, {and} soothsayers; {father: or, grandfather}
This guy Daniel, whom the king called Belteshazzar, had an amazing spirit, knowledge, and the ability to interpret dreams and solve major problems. For real, let’s call him; he’ll break it down for you.
Forasmuch as an excellent spirit, and knowledge, and understanding, interpreting of dreams, and shewing of hard sentences, and dissolving of doubts, were found in the same Daniel, whom the king named Belteshazzar: now let Daniel be called, and he will shew the interpretation. {interpreting: or, of an interpreter} {dissolving: or, of a dissolver} {doubts: Chaldee, knots}
So, Daniel rolls up to the king, and the king’s like, “Yo, are you that Daniel from Judah, the one my pops brought out of exile?”
Then was Daniel brought in before the king. {And} the king spake and said unto Daniel, {Art} thou that Daniel, which {art} of the children of the captivity of Judah, whom the king my father brought out of Jewry? {father: or, grandfather}
I’ve heard you’ve got the spirit of the gods in you, and you’re packing some serious light, understanding, and wisdom. No cap.
I have even heard of thee, that the spirit of the gods {is} in thee, and {that} light and understanding and excellent wisdom is found in thee.
I summoned the wise guys and astrologers to read this writing and tell me what it means, but they couldn’t deliver an interpretation.
And now the wise {men}, the astrologers, have been brought in before me, that they should read this writing, and make known unto me the interpretation thereof: but they could not shew the interpretation of the thing:
I heard you can interpret stuff and solve doubts. If you can read this writing and tell me what it means, I’ll hook you up with some fresh drip and make you the third ruler in the kingdom.
And I have heard of thee, that thou canst make interpretations, and dissolve doubts: now if thou canst read the writing, and make known to me the interpretation thereof, thou shalt be clothed with scarlet, and {have} a chain of gold about thy neck, and shalt be the third ruler in the kingdom. {make interpretations: Chaldee, interpret, etc}
Daniel was like, “Keep your gifts, king; let someone else snag those rewards. I’ll still read the writing and let you know what it means.”
Then Daniel answered and said before the king, Let thy gifts be to thyself, and give thy rewards to another; yet I will read the writing unto the king, and make known to him the interpretation. {rewards: or, fee}
Yo king, the most high God gave your pops Nebuchadnezzar a kingdom, majesty, glory, and honor, straight up.
O thou king, the most high God gave Nebuchadnezzar thy father a kingdom, and majesty, and glory, and honour:
Because of the majesty he had, people, nations, and languages were shook, and they feared him. He could take lives or spare them, total savage vibes.
And for the majesty that he gave him, all people, nations, and languages, trembled and feared before him: whom he would he slew; and whom he would he kept alive; and whom he would he set up; and whom he would he put down.
But when he got all cocky and his heart lifted up, they stripped him of his throne, and his glory got taken.
But when his heart was lifted up, and his mind hardened in pride, he was deposed from his kingly throne, and they took his glory from him: {in pride: or, to deal proudly} {deposed: Chaldee, made to come down}
Dude got booted from the crew, his heart went beast mode, chilling with the wild donkeys. They fed him grass like he was a cow, and he was drenched with heaven's dew; until he realized the most high God was running the show, and He chooses whoever He wants.
And he was driven from the sons of men; and his heart was made like the beasts, and his dwelling {was} with the wild asses: they fed him with grass like oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven; till he knew that the most high God ruled in the kingdom of men, and {that} he appointeth over it whomsoever he will. {his heart...: or, he made his heart equal, etc}
Yo, Belshazzar, my dude, you didn’t even humble yourself, even after knowing all this tea.
And thou his son, O Belshazzar, hast not humbled thine heart, though thou knewest all this;
Instead, you flexed on the Lord of heaven; they dished out the holy vessels for you, and you, your homies, your queens, and sidepieces were sipping wine from them. You praised the gods made of silver, gold, brass, iron, wood, and stone that can’t see or hear, all while ignoring the God who holds your breath and controls your whole vibe.
But hast lifted up thyself against the Lord of heaven; and they have brought the vessels of his house before thee, and thou, and thy lords, thy wives, and thy concubines, have drunk wine in them; and thou hast praised the gods of silver, and gold, of brass, iron, wood, and stone, which see not, nor hear, nor know: and the God in whose hand thy breath {is}, and whose {are} all thy ways, hast thou not glorified:
Then a hand popped up from Him, and this message was written.
Then was the part of the hand sent from him; and this writing was written.
And here’s the message that was written, MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.
And this {is} the writing that was written, MENE, MENE, TEKEL, UPHARSIN.
Here’s the scoop: MENE; God’s counted your kingdom, and it’s game over.
This {is} the interpretation of the thing: MENE; God hath numbered thy kingdom, and finished it.
TEKEL; You got weighed on the scale, and you came up short, no cap.
TEKEL; Thou art weighed in the balances, and art found wanting.
PERES; Your kingdom's split up and given to the Medes and Persians.
PERES; Thy kingdom is divided, and given to the Medes and Persians.
Then Belshazzar was like, "Bet," and they dressed Daniel in red, threw some gold bling on him, and announced he’d be the third boss in the kingdom.
Then commanded Belshazzar, and they clothed Daniel with scarlet, and {put} a chain of gold about his neck, and made a proclamation concerning him, that he should be the third ruler in the kingdom.
That night, Belshazzar, the king of the Chaldeans, got taken out.
In that night was Belshazzar the king of the Chaldeans slain.
Darius the Median scooped the kingdom at 62 years old. That’s some serious rizz.
And Darius the Median took the kingdom, {being} about threescore and two years old. {being...: Chaldee, he as the son of, etc} {about: or, now}