Acts Chapter 26
Agrippa was like, "Yo Paul, spill the tea whenever you're ready." So Paul put out his hand and was like, "Bet, I got this on lock."
Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Thou art permitted to speak for thyself. Then Paul stretched forth the hand, and answered for himself:
Feeling blessed today, King Agrippa, 'cause I gotta explain all the shady claims the Jews are throwing at me.
I think myself happy, king Agrippa, because I shall answer for myself this day before thee touching all the things whereof I am accused of the Jews:
Especially since I know you’re super savvy about all the Jewish vibes and questions, so I’m asking you to tune in, no cap.
Especially {because I know} thee to be expert in all customs and questions which are among the Jews: wherefore I beseech thee to hear me patiently.
The way I've been rolling since childhood, starting in my hometown of Jerusalem, all the Jews know me, fr.
My manner of life from my youth, which was at the first among mine own nation at Jerusalem, know all the Jews;
They’ve peeped my moves since day one, and if they wanna keep it 100, they’d say I was vibing like a Pharisee, the strictest squad in our faith.
Which knew me from the beginning, if they would testify, that after the most straitest sect of our religion I lived a Pharisee.
Now I’m here facing judgment for the hope of the promise God dropped on our ancestors, and that’s just wild.
And now I stand and am judged for the hope of the promise made of God unto our fathers:
Our twelve tribes are out here serving God non-stop, hoping for that promise to pop off. King Agrippa, that’s why the Jews are coming for me.
Unto which {promise} our twelve tribes, instantly serving {God} day and night, hope to come. For which hope's sake, king Agrippa, I am accused of the Jews. {day and night: Gr. night and day}
Like, why is it sus that God could bring folks back from the dead?
Why should it be thought a thing incredible with you, that God should raise the dead?
I straight-up thought I had to do everything against the name of Jesus from Nazareth, no cap.
I verily thought with myself, that I ought to do many things contrary to the name of Jesus of Nazareth.
I did just that in Jerusalem; I was locking up a bunch of the saints after getting the green light from the chief priests, and when they got killed, I was totally okay with that.
Which thing I also did in Jerusalem: and many of the saints did I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to death, I gave my voice against {them}.
I was flexing on them in every synagogue, making them lowkey blaspheme; I was mad sus and chased them down in random towns.
And I punished them oft in every synagogue, and compelled {them} to blaspheme; and being exceedingly mad against them, I persecuted {them} even unto strange cities.
So, I was on my way to Damascus with some solid authority from the top priests, no cap.
Whereupon as I went to Damascus with authority and commission from the chief priests,
At noon, O king, I saw a vibe from heaven, brighter than the sun, shining all around me and my crew.
At midday, O king, I saw in the way a light from heaven, above the brightness of the sun, shining round about me and them which journeyed with me.
When we all hit the ground, I heard a voice say to me in Hebrew, "Saul, Saul, why you trippin' on me? It’s tough to kick against the pricks."
And when we were all fallen to the earth, I heard a voice speaking unto me, and saying in the Hebrew tongue, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me? {it is} hard for thee to kick against the pricks.
I asked, "Who are you, Lord?" And He said, "It’s me, Jesus, the one you’re hunting down."
And I said, Who art thou, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus whom thou persecutest.
But get up and stand tall: I came through for a reason, to make you a minister and a witness of what you’ve seen and what I’m about to show you.
But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee;
I’m here to save you from the people and the Gentiles I’m sending you to now, fr.
Delivering thee from the people, and {from} the Gentiles, unto whom now I send thee,
To open their eyes and turn them from darkness to light, and from Satan's power to God, so they can get that forgiveness and vibe with the crew that’s all about faith in me.
To open their eyes, {and} to turn {them} from darkness to light, and {from} the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me.
So, O king Agrippa, I was totally down for the heavenly vision, no doubt.
Whereupon, O king Agrippa, I was not disobedient unto the heavenly vision:
I first told the peeps in Damascus, then in Jerusalem, and all over Judea, and even to the Gentiles, that they should repent, turn to God, and do some real work for that repentance vibe.
But shewed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and {then} to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.
The Jews caught me in the temple, tryna take me out for no reason, fr.
For these causes the Jews caught me in the temple, and went about to kill {me}.
But with God’s help, I’m still here, vibing and telling everyone, big and small, the same stuff Moses and the prophets said would go down.
Having therefore obtained help of God, I continue unto this day, witnessing both to small and great, saying none other things than those which the prophets and Moses did say should come:
That Christ would suffer and be the first to bounce back from the dead, bringing light to the peeps and the Gentiles.
That Christ should suffer, {and} that he should be the first that should rise from the dead, and should shew light unto the people, and to the Gentiles.
While he was talking, Festus was like, "Paul, you’re wildin'; all this learning got you acting sus."
And as he thus spake for himself, Festus said with a loud voice, Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad.
But I’m not sus, my dude Festus; I’m just spitting straight facts, no cap.
But he said, I am not mad, most noble Festus; but speak forth the words of truth and soberness.
The king knows all this, and I’m just keeping it real with him; nothing's hidden from him, this ain't no secret mission.
For the king knoweth of these things, before whom also I speak freely: for I am persuaded that none of these things are hidden from him; for this thing was not done in a corner.
King Agrippa, you feeling the prophets? I know you are, no doubt.
King Agrippa, believest thou the prophets? I know that thou believest.
Agrippa was like, "You’re almost making me a Christian, fam."
Then Agrippa said unto Paul, Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian.
And I said, "I wish everyone here was vibing like me, except for these chains, periodt."
And Paul said, I would to God, that not only thou, but also all that hear me this day, were both almost, and altogether such as I am, except these bonds.
After I said that, the king bounced, along with the governor and Bernice, and everyone chilling with them.
And when he had thus spoken, the king rose up, and the governor, and Bernice, and they that sat with them:
When they peaced out, they were like, "This dude ain’t done anything to get locked up or even face the death penalty, fr."
And when they were gone aside, they talked between themselves, saying, This man doeth nothing worthy of death or of bonds.
Agrippa told Festus, "This guy could've been free, but he went and appealed to Caesar, no cap."
Then said Agrippa unto Festus, This man might have been set at liberty, if he had not appealed unto Caesar.