Acts Chapter 22
Ayo fam, gather around! I’m about to lay out my defense for you right now.
Men, brethren, and fathers, hear ye my defence {which I make} now unto you.
As soon as they peeped that I was speaking Hebrew, they went dead silent, and I was like,
(And when they heard that he spake in the Hebrew tongue to them, they kept the more silence: and he saith,)
I’m a straight-up Jew, born in Tarsus but raised in this city under Gamaliel, schooled in the law, and I’m totally repping God, just like y’all are today.
I am verily a man {which am} a Jew, born in Tarsus, {a city} in Cilicia, yet brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, {and} taught according to the perfect manner of the law of the fathers, and was zealous toward God, as ye all are this day.
I was out here going hard against this crew, locking up both guys and gals, no cap.
And I persecuted this way unto the death, binding and delivering into prisons both men and women.
The high priest can vouch for me, and all the elders know: I had letters to roll up on the peeps in Damascus to drag them back to Jerusalem for serious consequences.
As also the high priest doth bear me witness, and all the estate of the elders: from whom also I received letters unto the brethren, and went to Damascus, to bring them which were there bound unto Jerusalem, for to be punished.
So, on my way to Damascus around noon, outta nowhere! A massive light blazed down from the sky all around me.
And it came to pass, that, as I made my journey, and was come nigh unto Damascus about noon, suddenly there shone from heaven a great light round about me.
I hit the ground and heard a voice say, “Saul, Saul, why you messing with me?”
And I fell unto the ground, and heard a voice saying unto me, Saul, Saul, why persecutest thou me?
I was like, “Who are you, Lord?” And He replied, “I’m Jesus from Nazareth, the one you’re hunting down.”
And I answered, Who art thou, Lord? And he said unto me, I am Jesus of Nazareth, whom thou persecutest.
The peeps with me totally saw the light and were shook, but they didn’t hear the voice talking to me.
And they that were with me saw indeed the light, and were afraid; but they heard not the voice of him that spake to me.
I was all, “What’s the plan, Lord?” And He said, “Get up and head to Damascus; they’ll fill you in on what you need to do.”
And I said, What shall I do, Lord? And the Lord said unto me, Arise, and go into Damascus; and there it shall be told thee of all things which are appointed for thee to do.
When I couldn’t see ‘cause that light was too lit, my crew guided me to Damascus.
And when I could not see for the glory of that light, being led by the hand of them that were with me, I came into Damascus.
Then this dude Ananias, a total vibe check kinda guy, had mad props from all the Jews there,
And one Ananias, a devout man according to the law, having a good report of all the Jews which dwelt {there},
Came up to me and said, "Yo, Brother Saul, get your sight back." And at that moment, I looked at him, no cap.
Came unto me, and stood, and said unto me, Brother Saul, receive thy sight. And the same hour I looked up upon him.
He said, "The God of our fam chose you to know His will, see the Just One, and hear His voice, fr."
And he said, The God of our fathers hath chosen thee, that thou shouldest know his will, and see that Just One, and shouldest hear the voice of his mouth.
"You’re gonna be His witness to all peeps about what you’ve seen and heard."
For thou shalt be his witness unto all men of what thou hast seen and heard.
"So why you chillin’? Get up, get baptized, and wash away your sins, calling on the Lord’s name."
And now why tarriest thou? arise, and be baptized, and wash away thy sins, calling on the name of the Lord.
After that, when I bounced back to Jerusalem and was praying in the temple, I got hit with a trance;
And it came to pass, that, when I was come again to Jerusalem, even while I prayed in the temple, I was in a trance;
I saw Him saying, "Hurry, get outta Jerusalem quick: they aren’t gonna vibe with your story about me."
And saw him saying unto me, Make haste, and get thee quickly out of Jerusalem: for they will not receive thy testimony concerning me.
I was like, "Lord, they know I was locking up and beating everyone who believed in you."
And I said, Lord, they know that I imprisoned and beat in every synagogue them that believed on thee:
"And when they got your homie Stephen, I was right there, cosigning his death and holding the drip of those who did him dirty."
And when the blood of thy martyr Stephen was shed, I also was standing by, and consenting unto his death, and kept the raiment of them that slew him.
He was like, "Bounce, I’m sending you far away to the Gentiles. No cap."
And he said unto me, Depart: for I will send thee far hence unto the Gentiles.
They were vibing with his words, then they straight up yelled, "Get this dude outta here, he doesn’t deserve to live!"
And they gave him audience unto this word, and {then} lifted up their voices, and said, Away with such a {fellow} from the earth: for it is not fit that he should live.
As they were screaming, they tossed their clothes off and threw dirt in the air, super dramatic.
And as they cried out, and cast off {their} clothes, and threw dust into the air,
The chief captain was like, "Bring him to the castle and let’s get him whipped to find out why they’re acting wild."
The chief captain commanded him to be brought into the castle, and bade that he should be examined by scourging; that he might know wherefore they cried so against him.
While they were tying him up, Paul asked the centurion, "Is it cool to whip a Roman who hasn't even been judged?"
And as they bound him with thongs, Paul said unto the centurion that stood by, Is it lawful for you to scourge a man that is a Roman, and uncondemned?
The centurion heard that and ran to the chief captain, saying, "Yo, be careful; this dude’s a Roman."
When the centurion heard {that}, he went and told the chief captain, saying, Take heed what thou doest: for this man is a Roman.
Then the chief captain came over and asked, "Are you a Roman?" Paul was like, "Yup."
Then the chief captain came, and said unto him, Tell me, art thou a Roman? He said, Yea.
The chief captain replied, "I had to pay a lot for my freedom." Paul said, "I was born free, no cap."
And the chief captain answered, With a great sum obtained I this freedom. And Paul said, But I was {free} born.
Right then, everyone who was gonna question him dipped, and the chief captain got shook after realizing he was a Roman and that he had tied him up.
Then straightway they departed from him which should have examined him: and the chief captain also was afraid, after he knew that he was a Roman, and because he had bound him. {examined him: or, tortured him}
The next day, wanting to figure out why the Jews were throwing shade at him, he let Paul go from his chains and told the chief priests and their crew to show up, then brought Paul down to face them.
On the morrow, because he would have known the certainty wherefore he was accused of the Jews, he loosed him from {his} bands, and commanded the chief priests and all their council to appear, and brought Paul down, and set him before them.