Acts Chapter 16
So, Paul pulled up to Derbe and Lystra, and spotted a disciple named Timotheus, whose mom was a Jewish queen but his pops was Greek, no cap.
Then came he to Derbe and Lystra: and, behold, a certain disciple was there, named Timotheus, the son of a certain woman, which was a Jewess, and believed; but his father {was} a Greek:
Everyone in Lystra and Iconium was totally vibing with him, periodt.
Which was well reported of by the brethren that were at Lystra and Iconium.
Paul was like, "Yo, I need this dude to roll with me," so he circumcised him 'cause the Jews in the area were sus about his Greek dad.
Him would Paul have to go forth with him; and took and circumcised him because of the Jews which were in those quarters: for they knew all that his father was a Greek.
While they hit up the cities, they shared the rules from the apostles and elders in Jerusalem, keeping it real.
And as they went through the cities, they delivered them the decrees for to keep, that were ordained of the apostles and elders which were at Jerusalem.
The churches were vibing hard in faith, and their crew was expanding daily, fr.
And so were the churches established in the faith, and increased in number daily.
As they cruised through Phrygia and Galatia, the Holy Ghost was like, "Nah, don’t preach in Asia," savage move.
Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach the word in Asia,
After rolling through Mysia, they tried to slide into Bithynia, but the Spirit was like, "Not today."
After they were come to Mysia, they assayed to go into Bithynia: but the Spirit suffered them not.
They just passed through Mysia and dipped down to Troas.
And they passing by Mysia came down to Troas.
Then Paul had a dream at night; a dude from Macedonia was like, "Come help us out here!"
And a vision appeared to Paul in the night; There stood a man of Macedonia, and prayed him, saying, Come over into Macedonia, and help us.
After peeping the vision, we were all in, ready to hit up Macedonia, knowing the Lord was calling us to spread the gospel there, bet.
And after he had seen the vision, immediately we endeavoured to go into Macedonia, assuredly gathering that the Lord had called us for to preach the gospel unto them.
So we bounced from Troas and cruised straight to Samothracia, then hit up Neapolis the next day; vibes were high.
Therefore loosing from Troas, we came with a straight course to Samothracia, and the next {day} to Neapolis;
Then we rolled to Philippi, the main spot in Macedonia, and chilled there for a few days.
And from thence to Philippi, which is the chief city of that part of Macedonia, {and} a colony: and we were in that city abiding certain days. {the chief: or, the first}
On the sabbath, we dipped out of the city by the river where people prayed, and we sat down to chat with the ladies who showed up.
And on the sabbath we went out of the city by a river side, where prayer was wont to be made; and we sat down, and spake unto the women which resorted {thither}. {sabbath: Gr. sabbath day}
There was a woman named Lydia, who sold purple stuff and was from Thyatira, vibing with God and listening to us; the Lord opened her heart, and she was all ears for Paul's words.
And a certain woman named Lydia, a seller of purple, of the city of Thyatira, which worshipped God, heard {us}: whose heart the Lord opened, that she attended unto the things which were spoken of Paul.
After she got baptized with her whole crew, she was like, "If you think I'm faithful to the Lord, come crash at my place." She was super eager for us to stay, no cap.
And when she was baptized, and her household, she besought {us}, saying, If ye have judged me to be faithful to the Lord, come into my house, and abide {there}. And she constrained us.
As we were heading to pray, a girl who could predict fortunes came up to us, making her bosses bank with her predictions.
And it came to pass, as we went to prayer, a certain damsel possessed with a spirit of divination met us, which brought her masters much gain by soothsaying: {of divination: or, of Python}
She followed Paul and us, yelling, "These dudes are servants of the most high God, showing us the way to salvation!"
The same followed Paul and us, and cried, saying, These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation.
She kept this up for days, but Paul, feeling some type of way, turned and said to the spirit, "In the name of Jesus Christ, get outta her!" And it happened right then.
And this did she many days. But Paul, being grieved, turned and said to the spirit, I command thee in the name of Jesus Christ to come out of her. And he came out the same hour.
When her bosses saw that their moneymaking hope was gone, they snatched Paul and Silas and dragged them to the marketplace to face the rulers.
And when her masters saw that the hope of their gains was gone, they caught Paul and Silas, and drew {them} into the marketplace unto the rulers, {marketplace: or, court}
They brought them to the magistrates, saying, "These guys are Jews and are making our city hella chaotic!"
And brought them to the magistrates, saying, These men, being Jews, do exceedingly trouble our city,
And teaching vibes that ain't even legal for us to vibe with, no cap, 'cause we Romans.
And teach customs, which are not lawful for us to receive, neither to observe, being Romans.
The crowd popped off and came at them hard: the officials ripped their fits and told them to get beat up.
And the multitude rose up together against them: and the magistrates rent off their clothes, and commanded to beat {them}.
After they got whipped, they tossed them in the clink, telling the jailer to keep them on lock.
And when they had laid many stripes upon them, they cast {them} into prison, charging the jailor to keep them safely:
The jailer, getting that order, shoved them into the deep part of the jail and put their feet in stocks, savage.
Who, having received such a charge, thrust them into the inner prison, and made their feet fast in the stocks.
At midnight, Paul and Silas were praying and singing praises to God, and all the other inmates were vibing with them.
And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.
Then, out of nowhere, a massive earthquake hit, shaking the whole prison, and all the doors swung open, bands off, lit!
And suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken: and immediately all the doors were opened, and every one's bands were loosed.
The jailer woke up, saw the doors open, and was about to end it all, thinking the prisoners dipped.
And the keeper of the prison awaking out of his sleep, and seeing the prison doors open, he drew out his sword, and would have killed himself, supposing that the prisoners had been fled.
But Paul yelled, "Chill, don’t do anything drastic! We’re all still here, fr."
But Paul cried with a loud voice, saying, Do thyself no harm: for we are all here.
He called for a light, jumped in, shook, and fell down in front of Paul and Silas, like, whoa.
Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas,
He brought them out and asked, "Yo, what do I gotta do to get saved?"
And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?
They were like, "Trust in the Lord Jesus, and you'll be saved, no cap, and your whole fam too."
And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house.
They dropped the word of the Lord on him and everyone in his crib.
And they spake unto him the word of the Lord, and to all that were in his house.
He took them that same hour, washed their wounds, and got baptized with his whole crew, fr.
And he took them the same hour of the night, and washed {their} stripes; and was baptized, he and all his, straightway.
When he brought them to his place, he served them food and was vibing, believing in God with his whole squad.
And when he had brought them into his house, he set meat before them, and rejoiced, believing in God with all his house.
When morning hit, the magistrates sent the guards, saying, "Let those dudes bounce."
And when it was day, the magistrates sent the serjeants, saying, Let those men go.
The prison keeper told Paul, "The magistrates want you free, so dip out and go in peace."
And the keeper of the prison told this saying to Paul, The magistrates have sent to let you go: now therefore depart, and go in peace.
But Paul was like, "They beat us up in public without a trial, like we’re Romans, and now they wanna sneak us out? Nah, let them come and get us themselves."
But Paul said unto them, They have beaten us openly uncondemned, being Romans, and have cast {us} into prison; and now do they thrust us out privily? nay verily; but let them come themselves and fetch us out.
The guards told the magistrates what Paul said, and they were shook when they realized they were Romans.
And the serjeants told these words unto the magistrates: and they feared, when they heard that they were Romans.
They came, begged them to leave, and asked them to bounce from the city.
And they came and besought them, and brought {them} out, and desired {them} to depart out of the city.
They dipped out of prison and went to Lydia's place; after seeing the bros, they lifted their spirits and then split.
And they went out of the prison, and entered into {the house of} Lydia: and when they had seen the brethren, they comforted them, and departed.