Proverbs Chapter 30
Agur, son of Jakeh, is laying down some prophecy vibes for Ithiel and Ucal, fr.
The words of Agur the son of Jakeh, {even} the prophecy: the man spake unto Ithiel, even unto Ithiel and Ucal,
Real talk, I’m kinda ruthless compared to anyone, like, my brain's not even on that wave.
Surely I {am} more brutish than {any} man, and have not the understanding of a man.
I ain’t received wisdom or that sacred knowledge, periodt.
I neither learned wisdom, nor have the knowledge of the holy. {have: Heb. know}
Who’s popped up to heaven or dropped down? Who's holding the wind? Who's wrapped up the waters? Who laid the foundations of the earth? What’s his name, and what’s his son's name? If you know, spill it!
Who hath ascended up into heaven, or descended? who hath gathered the wind in his fists? who hath bound the waters in a garment? who hath established all the ends of the earth? what {is} his name, and what {is} his son's name, if thou canst tell?
Every word from God is solid; He’s like a protector for those who place their trust in Him, no cap.
Every word of God {is} pure: he {is} a shield unto them that put their trust in him. {pure: Heb. purified}
Don’t add to His words, or He’ll call you out, and you’ll look hella sus.
Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
I got two asks for you; don’t ghost me on these before I bounce:
Two {things} have I required of thee; deny me {them} not before I die: {deny...: Heb. withhold not from me}
Keep the fake stuff and lies far away; don’t hit me with poverty or wealth; just give me enough to munch on, bet.
Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me: {convenient...: Heb. of my allowance}
Lest I get too stuffed and act like, "Who’s the Lord?" or end up broke and steal, using my God’s name in a sus way.
Lest I be full, and deny {thee}, and say, Who {is} the LORD? or lest I be poor, and steal, and take the name of my God {in vain}. {deny...: Heb. belie thee}
Don’t throw shade at a servant in front of their boss, or they might curse you, and you’ll get caught slipping.
Accuse not a servant unto his master, lest he curse thee, and thou be found guilty. {Accuse...: Heb. Hurt not with thy tongue}
There's a generation that disrespects their pops and doesn’t even show love to their moms, fr.
{There is} a generation {that} curseth their father, and doth not bless their mother.
There's a generation that thinks they’re all that, but they’re still grimy on the inside, no cap.
{There is} a generation {that are} pure in their own eyes, and {yet} is not washed from their filthiness.
There's a generation with their heads high, acting all superior, vibes.
{There is} a generation, O how lofty are their eyes! and their eyelids are lifted up.
There's a generation whose teeth are like weapons, ready to take out the poor and needy, savage.
{There is} a generation, whose teeth {are as} swords, and their jaw teeth {as} knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from {among} men.
The leech has two daughters, always asking for more. There are three things that are never satisfied, even four that are like, "Nah, we need more":
The horseleach hath two daughters, {crying}, Give, give. There are three {things that} are never satisfied, {yea}, four {things} say not, {It is} enough: {It is...: Heb. Wealth}
The grave, the empty womb, dry land, and fire that just won’t chill.
The grave; and the barren womb; the earth {that} is not filled with water; and the fire {that} saith not, {It is} enough.
The eye that disses its pops and tunes out its mom, the ravens will pluck it out, and the young eagles will feast on it, no cap.
The eye {that} mocketh at {his} father, and despiseth to obey {his} mother, the ravens of the valley shall pick it out, and the young eagles shall eat it. {the valley: or, the brook}
There are three things that are just too wild for me, and four that leave me shook:
There be three {things which} are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:
The way an eagle flies high, the way a snake slithers on a rock, the way a ship cruises the sea, and the way a dude vibes with a girl.
The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid. {midst: Heb. heart}
That’s how an unfaithful woman rolls; she eats, wipes her mouth, and acts like she’s done nothing wrong, periodt.
Such {is} the way of an adulterous woman; she eateth, and wipeth her mouth, and saith, I have done no wickedness.
The earth’s low-key stressed about three things, and four it just can’t handle, fr:
For three {things} the earth is disquieted, and for four {which} it cannot bear:
A servant vibing as a ruler; and a fool just munching on food;
For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat;
A cringe woman in a relationship; and a maid who’s got the charm of her boss.
For an odious {woman} when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress.
Four tiny things that are super wise, no cap:
There be four {things which are} little upon the earth, but they {are} exceeding wise: {exceeding...: Heb. wise, made wise}
Ants may be weak, but they’re prepping their snacks in summer;
The ants {are} a people not strong, yet they prepare their meat in the summer;
Conies are low-key weak, yet they chill in the rocks, smart moves;
The conies {are but} a feeble folk, yet make they their houses in the rocks;
Locusts don’t have a king, but they roll out in crews, savage;
The locusts have no king, yet go they forth all of them by bands; {by...: Heb. gathered together}
Spiders hustle with their hands and flex in the palaces of kings.
The spider taketh hold with her hands, and is in kings' palaces.
Three things that are just smooth, and four that look fly while cruising:
There be three {things} which go well, yea, four are comely in going:
A lion, the ultimate beast, not backing down from any challenge, periodt;
A lion {which is} strongest among beasts, and turneth not away for any;
A greyhound, a he-goat, and a king? No cap, you can’t mess with them. Total vibes.
A greyhound; an he goat also; and a king, against whom {there is} no rising up. {greyhound: or, horse: Heb. girt in the loins}
If you’ve been acting sus or having wild thoughts, just chill and cover your mouth, fr.
If thou hast done foolishly in lifting up thyself, or if thou hast thought evil, {lay} thine hand upon thy mouth.
For real, churning milk makes butter, and wringing your nose gets you blood; forcing anger just brings drama. Periodt.
Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.