Numbers Chapter 31
So the Lord was like to Moses, "Yo, check it out,"
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
Get back at the Midianites for the Israelites, then you can chill with your crew.
Avenge the children of Israel of the Midianites: afterward shalt thou be gathered unto thy people.
Moses told the gang, "Suit up for battle, we’re going after the Midianites to get that payback for the Lord."
And Moses spake unto the people, saying, Arm some of yourselves unto the war, and let them go against the Midianites, and avenge the LORD of Midian.
From each tribe, send a thousand homies to the front lines, fam.
Of every tribe a thousand, throughout all the tribes of Israel, shall ye send to the war. {Of...: Heb. A thousand of a tribe, a thousand of a tribe}
They rolled out a thousand from each tribe, that’s twelve thousand ready to pop off.
So there were delivered out of the thousands of Israel, a thousand of {every} tribe, twelve thousand armed for war.
Moses sent them into the mix, a thousand from each tribe, plus Phinehas, the priest, rolling with the holy gear and trumpets on deck.
And Moses sent them to the war, a thousand of {every} tribe, them and Phinehas the son of Eleazar the priest, to the war, with the holy instruments, and the trumpets to blow in his hand.
They went to war against the Midianites, just like the Lord told Moses; and they took out all the dudes.
And they warred against the Midianites, as the LORD commanded Moses; and they slew all the males.
They also took down the kings of Midian, like Evi, Rekem, Zur, Hur, and Reba—five kings total; and they snatched Balaam too, with the sword.
And they slew the kings of Midian, beside the rest of them that were slain; {namely}, Evi, and Rekem, and Zur, and Hur, and Reba, five kings of Midian: Balaam also the son of Beor they slew with the sword.
The Israelites grabbed all the Midianite women and little ones, plus they took all their livestock, flocks, and goods.
And the children of Israel took {all} the women of Midian captives, and their little ones, and took the spoil of all their cattle, and all their flocks, and all their goods.
They set fire to all their cities and fancy towers, straight-up flames.
And they burnt all their cities wherein they dwelt, and all their goodly castles, with fire.
They grabbed all the loot, both peeps and animals, no cap.
And they took all the spoil, and all the prey, {both} of men and of beasts.
They brought the captives and the spoils to Moses, Eleazar the priest, and the crew chillin' at the camp in Moab by Jordan near Jericho.
And they brought the captives, and the prey, and the spoil, unto Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and unto the congregation of the children of Israel, unto the camp at the plains of Moab, which {are} by Jordan {near} Jericho.
Moses, Eleazar, and all the squad rolled out to meet them outside the camp.
And Moses, and Eleazar the priest, and all the princes of the congregation, went forth to meet them without the camp.
Moses was straight-up heated at the officers and captains who came back from the fight, like, "What’s popping?"
And Moses was wroth with the officers of the host, {with} the captains over thousands, and captains over hundreds, which came from the battle. {battle: Heb. host of war}
Moses asked them, "Did you save all the women, fr?"
And Moses said unto them, Have ye saved all the women alive?
Yo, these peeps led the Israelites to mess up big time against the Lord thanks to Balaam's advice, and a plague hit the crew.
Behold, these caused the children of Israel, through the counsel of Balaam, to commit trespass against the LORD in the matter of Peor, and there was a plague among the congregation of the LORD.
So, like, take out every male child and every woman who’s been with a dude, periodt.
Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him. {him: Heb. a male}
But keep all the girl kids who haven't been with a dude alive for yourselves, bet.
But all the women children, that have not known a man by lying with him, keep alive for yourselves.
And you gotta chill outside the camp for seven days: whoever killed someone or touched a corpse, purify yourselves and your captives on day three and day seven, no cap.
And do ye abide without the camp seven days: whosoever hath killed any person, and whosoever hath touched any slain, purify {both} yourselves and your captives on the third day, and on the seventh day.
And clean all your gear, everything made of animal skins, all the goat hair stuff, and all the wooden things, for real.
And purify all {your} raiment, and all that is made of skins, and all work of goats' {hair}, and all things made of wood. {that...: Heb. instrument, or, vessel of skins}
Eleazar the priest told the warriors gearing up for battle, "This is the law that the Lord gave Moses; no cap."
And Eleazar the priest said unto the men of war which went to the battle, This {is} the ordinance of the law which the LORD commanded Moses;
Just the gold, silver, brass, iron, tin, and lead, you feel?
Only the gold, and the silver, the brass, the iron, the tin, and the lead,
Anything that can handle the heat, run it through the flames to get it clean; but for the stuff that can't, hit it with the water of separation.
Every thing that may abide the fire, ye shall make {it} go through the fire, and it shall be clean: nevertheless it shall be purified with the water of separation: and all that abideth not the fire ye shall make go through the water.
Wash your drip on the seventh day, and you’ll be fresh, then roll back into the camp.
And ye shall wash your clothes on the seventh day, and ye shall be clean, and afterward ye shall come into the camp.
The Lord hit up Moses, saying,
And the LORD spake unto Moses, saying,
"Count the loot you snagged, both peeps and animals, you, Eleazar the priest, and the main leaders of the crew."
Take the sum of the prey that was taken, {both} of man and of beast, thou, and Eleazar the priest, and the chief fathers of the congregation: {that...: Heb. of the captivity}
Split the spoils into two sides; one for those who threw down and one for the whole squad.
And divide the prey into two parts; between them that took the war upon them, who went out to battle, and between all the congregation:
Give a tribute to the Lord from the warriors who battled: one soul outta five hundred for the people, the cattle, the donkeys, and the sheep.
And levy a tribute unto the LORD of the men of war which went out to battle: one soul of five hundred, {both} of the persons, and of the beeves, and of the asses, and of the sheep:
Take it from their half and hand it to Eleazar the priest as a heave offering for the Lord.
Take {it} of their half, and give it unto Eleazar the priest, {for} an heave offering of the LORD.
From the Israelites' half, grab one portion outta fifty from the people, the cattle, the donkeys, and all kinds of beasts, and give that to the Levites who manage the tabernacle of the Lord.
And of the children of Israel's half, thou shalt take one portion of fifty, of the persons, of the beeves, of the asses, and of the flocks, of all manner of beasts, and give them unto the Levites, which keep the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD. {flocks: or, goats}
Moses and Eleazar the priest were like, "Aight, we gonna do what God said, no cap."
And Moses and Eleazar the priest did as the LORD commanded Moses.
The loot from the war crew was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep, straight up bussin'.
And the booty, {being} the rest of the prey which the men of war had caught, was six hundred thousand and seventy thousand and five thousand sheep,
And there were seventy-two thousand cows, just vibing.
And threescore and twelve thousand beeves,
Plus sixty-one thousand donkeys, no cap.
And threescore and one thousand asses,
And thirty-two thousand peeps in total, all women who hadn't been with a dude, periodt.
And thirty and two thousand persons in all, of women that had not known man by lying with him.
The half that fought had three hundred thousand and thirty-seven thousand and five hundred sheep, that’s lit.
And the half, {which was} the portion of them that went out to war, was in number three hundred thousand and seven and thirty thousand and five hundred sheep:
God's cut of the sheep was six hundred and fifteen, just saying.
And the LORD'S tribute of the sheep was six hundred and threescore and fifteen.
The cows were thirty-six thousand; and God's cut was seventy-two.
And the beeves {were} thirty and six thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute {was} threescore and twelve.
The donkeys were thirty thousand and five hundred; and God's cut was sixty-one.
And the asses {were} thirty thousand and five hundred; of which the LORD'S tribute {was} threescore and one.
And there were sixteen thousand people; and God's cut was thirty-two peeps.
And the persons {were} sixteen thousand; of which the LORD'S tribute {was} thirty and two persons.
Moses dropped the tribute to Eleazar the priest, just like God told him to. No cap.
And Moses gave the tribute, {which was} the LORD'S heave offering, unto Eleazar the priest, as the LORD commanded Moses.
Moses split the Israel fam's half from the crew that battled, bet.
And of the children of Israel's half, which Moses divided from the men that warred,
They had 300,030 sheep, no joke, that’s a lot of vibes.
(Now the half {that pertained unto} the congregation was three hundred thousand and thirty thousand {and} seven thousand and five hundred sheep,
Plus 36,000 beef cows, that's straight up bussin'.
And thirty and six thousand beeves,
And 30,500 donkeys, pulling up with those numbers, fr.
And thirty thousand asses and five hundred,
And 16,000 peeps, like, wow, that’s a whole crowd!
And sixteen thousand persons;)
Moses took a 1 outta 50 from Israel’s half, both peeps and animals, and gave it to the Levites, keeping it 100 as God commanded.
Even of the children of Israel's half, Moses took one portion of fifty, {both} of man and of beast, and gave them unto the Levites, which kept the charge of the tabernacle of the LORD; as the LORD commanded Moses.
The officers over thousands, the captains, rolled up to Moses, no sus.
And the officers which {were} over thousands of the host, the captains of thousands, and captains of hundreds, came near unto Moses:
They told Moses, "We counted our warriors, and not a single one is missing, periodt."
And they said unto Moses, Thy servants have taken the sum of the men of war which {are} under our charge, and there lacketh not one man of us. {charge: Heb. hand}
So we brought a lit offering for the Lord, all the bling we got: gold, chains, rings, and more to make things right with the Lord.
We have therefore brought an oblation for the LORD, what every man hath gotten, of jewels of gold, chains, and bracelets, rings, earrings, and tablets, to make an atonement for our souls before the LORD. {gotten: Heb. found}
Moses and Eleazar the priest scooped up all that gold and shiny bling, no cap.
And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of them, {even} all wrought jewels.
The total gold they vibed to the Lord was 16,750 shekels, straight from the squad leaders.
And all the gold of the offering that they offered up to the LORD, of the captains of thousands, and of the captains of hundreds, was sixteen thousand seven hundred and fifty shekels. {offering: Heb. heave offering}
(The warriors snagged their loot, each dude keeping his own stash, fr.)
({For} the men of war had taken spoil, every man for himself.)
Moses and Eleazar took the captains' gold and brought it to the tabernacle as a memorial for the fam of Israel, periodt.
And Moses and Eleazar the priest took the gold of the captains of thousands and of hundreds, and brought it into the tabernacle of the congregation, {for} a memorial for the children of Israel before the LORD.