Judges Chapter 11
So Jephthah, the Gilead homie, was a total boss, like a warrior, and his mom was a sex worker. Gilead legit had Jephthah.
Now Jephthah the Gileadite was a mighty man of valour, and he {was} the son of an harlot: and Gilead begat Jephthah. {Jephthah: Gr. Jephthae} {an harlot: Heb. a woman an harlot}
Gilead’s wife had some sons, but when they grew up, they were like, "Nah, Jephthah, you ain’t getting any of this inheritance ‘cause you’re the son of a sus woman."
And Gilead's wife bare him sons; and his wife's sons grew up, and they thrust out Jephthah, and said unto him, Thou shalt not inherit in our father's house; for thou {art} the son of a strange woman.
Jephthah bounced from his fam and kicked it in Tob, where some wild peeps surrounded him and they rolled out together.
Then Jephthah fled from his brethren, and dwelt in the land of Tob: and there were gathered vain men to Jephthah, and went out with him. {from: Heb. from the face of}
Time flew, and the Ammon squad was like, "Let’s pop off and start a beef with Israel."
And it came to pass in process of time, that the children of Ammon made war against Israel. {in process...: Heb. after days}
So when the Ammon crew went to war with Israel, the Gilead elders were like, "We gotta scoop Jephthah from Tob.”
And it was so, that when the children of Ammon made war against Israel, the elders of Gilead went to fetch Jephthah out of the land of Tob:
They hit up Jephthah and were like, "Yo, come be our captain so we can throw down with the Ammon crew."
And they said unto Jephthah, Come, and be our captain, that we may fight with the children of Ammon.
Jephthah was like, "Didn’t you kick me out of my pops' house? Why you hitting me up now that you’re in trouble?"
And Jephthah said unto the elders of Gilead, Did not ye hate me, and expel me out of my father's house? and why are ye come unto me now when ye are in distress?
The Gilead elders were like, "We’re sorry, but we need you to ride with us, fight the Ammon crew, and be the chief of Gilead."
And the elders of Gilead said unto Jephthah, Therefore we turn again to thee now, that thou mayest go with us, and fight against the children of Ammon, and be our head over all the inhabitants of Gilead.
Jephthah asked, "If you bring me back to fight the Ammon crew and God helps us win, am I your leader?"
And Jephthah said unto the elders of Gilead, If ye bring me home again to fight against the children of Ammon, and the LORD deliver them before me, shall I be your head?
The Gilead elders answered, "God's our witness, we’ll do exactly what you say, no cap."
And the elders of Gilead said unto Jephthah, The LORD be witness between us, if we do not so according to thy words. {witness...: Heb. the hearer between us}
So Jephthah teamed up with the Gilead elders, and the crew made him the chief and captain; then he dropped all his words to the Lord in Mizpeh, no cap.
Then Jephthah went with the elders of Gilead, and the people made him head and captain over them: and Jephthah uttered all his words before the LORD in Mizpeh.
Jephthah hit up the king of Ammon, saying, "What’s the deal? Why you tryna fight me in my territory?"
And Jephthah sent messengers unto the king of the children of Ammon, saying, What hast thou to do with me, that thou art come against me to fight in my land?
The king of Ammon responded to Jephthah's messengers, saying, "Israel snatched my land when they bounced from Egypt, from Arnon to Jabbok, and to Jordan; so give those lands back, fr."
And the king of the children of Ammon answered unto the messengers of Jephthah, Because Israel took away my land, when they came up out of Egypt, from Arnon even unto Jabbok, and unto Jordan: now therefore restore those {lands} again peaceably.
Then Jephthah sent messengers again to the king of Ammon:
And Jephthah sent messengers again unto the king of the children of Ammon:
He was like, "Listen up, Jephthah’s saying Israel didn’t take Moab’s land or Ammon’s land, periodt."
And said unto him, Thus saith Jephthah, Israel took not away the land of Moab, nor the land of the children of Ammon:
When Israel dipped from Egypt and cruised through the wilderness to the Red Sea, they hit up Kadesh.
But when Israel came up from Egypt, and walked through the wilderness unto the Red sea, and came to Kadesh;
Israel sent messengers to Edom’s king, asking, "Yo, can we roll through your land?" But the king of Edom ghosted them. They also reached out to Moab’s king, but he wasn’t down either, so Israel chilled in Kadesh.
Then Israel sent messengers unto the king of Edom, saying, Let me, I pray thee, pass through thy land: but the king of Edom would not hearken {thereto}. And in like manner they sent unto the king of Moab: but he would not {consent}: and Israel abode in Kadesh.
They trekked through the wilderness, skirted Edom and Moab, and set up camp on the east side of Moab, but avoided Moab’s border since Arnon was the line.
Then they went along through the wilderness, and compassed the land of Edom, and the land of Moab, and came by the east side of the land of Moab, and pitched on the other side of Arnon, but came not within the border of Moab: for Arnon {was} the border of Moab.
Israel sent messengers to Sihon, the king of the Amorites, in Heshbon, asking, "Can we cruise through your land to our spot?"
And Israel sent messengers unto Sihon king of the Amorites, the king of Heshbon; and Israel said unto him, Let us pass, we pray thee, through thy land into my place.
But Sihon didn’t trust Israel to roll through; he rallied his crew, set up in Jahaz, and threw down against Israel, savage style.
But Sihon trusted not Israel to pass through his coast: but Sihon gathered all his people together, and pitched in Jahaz, and fought against Israel.
And the Lord God of Israel handed Sihon and all his crew over to Israel, and they took them out: so Israel claimed all the land of the Amorites, no cap.
And the LORD God of Israel delivered Sihon and all his people into the hand of Israel, and they smote them: so Israel possessed all the land of the Amorites, the inhabitants of that country.
They owned all the coasts of the Amorites, from Arnon to Jabbok, and from the wilderness to Jordan.
And they possessed all the coasts of the Amorites, from Arnon even unto Jabbok, and from the wilderness even unto Jordan.
So now the Lord God of Israel kicked the Amorites out for His peeps, and you gonna claim that land?
So now the LORD God of Israel hath dispossessed the Amorites from before his people Israel, and shouldest thou possess it?
Aren’t you gonna take what Chemosh your god provides? Whoever the Lord our God drives out, that’s who we’ll claim.
Wilt not thou possess that which Chemosh thy god giveth thee to possess? So whomsoever the LORD our God shall drive out from before us, them will we possess.
So are you really better than Balak, the king of Moab? Did he ever come for Israel, or try to throw hands?
And now {art} thou any thing better than Balak the son of Zippor, king of Moab? did he ever strive against Israel, or did he ever fight against them,
While Israel was chilling in Heshbon and her towns, and Aroer and her towns, and all the cities by Arnon for three hundred years? Why didn’t you get them back then?
While Israel dwelt in Heshbon and her towns, and in Aroer and her towns, and in all the cities that {be} along by the coasts of Arnon, three hundred years? why therefore did ye not recover {them} within that time?
I haven’t done you dirty, but you’re coming at me wrong: the Lord the Judge better settle this beef today between Israel and Ammon.
Wherefore I have not sinned against thee, but thou doest me wrong to war against me: the LORD the Judge be judge this day between the children of Israel and the children of Ammon.
But the king of Ammon didn’t vibe with what Jephthah was saying.
Howbeit the king of the children of Ammon hearkened not unto the words of Jephthah which he sent him.
Then the Spirit of the Lord hit Jephthah, and he rolled through Gilead and Manasseh, crossing over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh he went to the kids of Ammon.
Then the Spirit of the LORD came upon Jephthah, and he passed over Gilead, and Manasseh, and passed over Mizpeh of Gilead, and from Mizpeh of Gilead he passed over {unto} the children of Ammon.
And Jephthah made a promise to the Lord, saying, if you totally deliver the kids of Ammon into my hands,
And Jephthah vowed a vow unto the LORD, and said, If thou shalt without fail deliver the children of Ammon into mine hands,
Then whatever pops outta my crib when I roll back home chilling from the Ammon crew, that’s straight up for the Lord, and I’m gonna offer it as a burnt vibe.
Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD'S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering. {whatsoever...: Heb. that which cometh forth, which shall come forth} {and...: or, or I will offer it, etc}
Jephthah dipped over to the Ammon crew to throw down, and the Lord totally had his back.
So Jephthah passed over unto the children of Ammon to fight against them; and the LORD delivered them into his hands.
He wrecked them from Aroer to Minnith, like twenty cities deep, and the vineyards were lit with all that chaos. The Ammon peeps got schooled by the Israelites.
And he smote them from Aroer, even till thou come to Minnith, {even} twenty cities, and unto the plain of the vineyards, with a very great slaughter. Thus the children of Ammon were subdued before the children of Israel. {the plain: or, Abel}
Jephthah rolled up to his crib, and guess what? His daughter came out with the vibes, dancing and all. She was his one and only, no siblings in sight.
And Jephthah came to Mizpeh unto his house, and, behold, his daughter came out to meet him with timbrels and with dances: and she {was his} only child; beside her he had neither son nor daughter. {beside...: or, he had not of his own either son or daughter: Heb. of himself}
When he peeped her, he was like, "No cap, my daughter! You got me feeling all kinds of ways, and I can't backtrack 'cause I promised the Lord."
And it came to pass, when he saw her, that he rent his clothes, and said, Alas, my daughter! thou hast brought me very low, and thou art one of them that trouble me: for I have opened my mouth unto the LORD, and I cannot go back.
She told him, "Dad, if you made that promise to the Lord, just do what you gotta do; the Lord’s got your back against the Ammon peeps."
And she said unto him, My father, {if} thou hast opened thy mouth unto the LORD, do to me according to that which hath proceeded out of thy mouth; forasmuch as the LORD hath taken vengeance for thee of thine enemies, {even} of the children of Ammon.
She was like, "Let me vibe out on the mountains for two months and mourn my single life with my girls."
And she said unto her father, Let this thing be done for me: let me alone two months, that I may go up and down upon the mountains, and bewail my virginity, I and my fellows. {go up...: Heb. go and go down}
He said, "Bet." So he let her go for two months, and she went up to the mountains to mourn her virginity with her crew.
And he said, Go. And he sent her away {for} two months: and she went with her companions, and bewailed her virginity upon the mountains.
After two months, she came back to her dad, and he did what he promised. She stayed single and it became a whole thing in Israel.
And it came to pass at the end of two months, that she returned unto her father, who did with her {according} to his vow which he had vowed: and she knew no man. And it was a custom in Israel, {custom: or, ordinance}
The daughters of Israel would vibe out every year for four days to mourn Jephthah’s daughter, keeping her memory alive.
{That} the daughters of Israel went yearly to lament the daughter of Jephthah the Gileadite four days in a year. {yearly: Heb. from year to year} {to lament: or, to talk with}