Jeremiah Chapter 20
So Pashur, the head priest at the Lord's spot, peeped that Jeremiah was dropping some heavy prophecies.
Now Pashur the son of Immer the priest, who {was} also chief governor in the house of the LORD, heard that Jeremiah prophesied these things.
Next thing you know, Pashur straight up smacked Jeremiah and threw him in stocks at the main gate of Benjamin, close to the Lord's place.
Then Pashur smote Jeremiah the prophet, and put him in the stocks that {were} in the high gate of Benjamin, which {was} by the house of the LORD.
The following day, Pashur yanked Jeremiah out of the stocks, and Jeremiah was like, "God switched your name from Pashur to Magor-missabib. No cap."
And it came to pass on the morrow, that Pashur brought forth Jeremiah out of the stocks. Then said Jeremiah unto him, The LORD hath not called thy name Pashur, but Magormissabib. {Magormissabib: that is, Fear round about}
For real, the Lord's saying, "I’m about to turn you into a full-on nightmare for yourself and your squad; your foes are gonna take you out, and I’m handing Judah over to Babylon."
For thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will make thee a terror to thyself, and to all thy friends: and they shall fall by the sword of their enemies, and thine eyes shall behold {it}: and I will give all Judah into the hand of the king of Babylon, and he shall carry them captive into Babylon, and shall slay them with the sword.
Plus, I’m giving all the city's power and loot to your enemies, and they’re gonna bounce with it all to Babylon.
Moreover I will deliver all the strength of this city, and all the labours thereof, and all the precious things thereof, and all the treasures of the kings of Judah will I give into the hand of their enemies, which shall spoil them, and take them, and carry them to Babylon.
And you, Pashur, along with everyone in your crew? Yeah, you’re headed for captivity; you’ll kick the bucket in Babylon, along with your pals, 'cause you’ve been spreading falsehoods.
And thou, Pashur, and all that dwell in thine house shall go into captivity: and thou shalt come to Babylon, and there thou shalt die, and shalt be buried there, thou, and all thy friends, to whom thou hast prophesied lies.
Yo, Lord, you totally finessed me, and I fell for it; you’re way stronger than I am, and now I’m just a meme, everyone’s roasting me.
O LORD, thou hast deceived me, and I was deceived: thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me. {was deceived: or, was enticed}
Ever since I started speaking up, I’ve been yelling about violence and loot; the Lord's message turned into my daily roast.
For since I spake, I cried out, I cried violence and spoil; because the word of the LORD was made a reproach unto me, and a derision, daily.
Then I was like, "I’m over chatting about Him," but His word felt like fire in my bones, and I couldn’t keep it in anymore, fr.
Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But {his word} was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not {stay}.
I overheard all the haters gossiping, fear everywhere. They were like, "Let’s spill the tea," and my fam was waiting for me to mess up, thinking they could take me down.
For I heard the defaming of many, fear on every side. Report, {say they}, and we will report it. All my familiars watched for my halting, {saying}, Peradventure he will be enticed, and we shall prevail against him, and we shall take our revenge on him. {All...: Heb. Every man of my peace}
But the Lord’s got my back like a boss, so my haters are gonna trip and won’t come out on top; they’ll be extra embarrassed and won’t forget this L.
But the LORD {is} with me as a mighty terrible one: therefore my persecutors shall stumble, and they shall not prevail: they shall be greatly ashamed; for they shall not prosper: {their} everlasting confusion shall never be forgotten.
But, Lord of hosts, you test the righteous and see hearts, show me your payback on them, 'cause I’m bringing my case to you.
But, O LORD of hosts, that triest the righteous, {and} seest the reins and the heart, let me see thy vengeance on them: for unto thee have I opened my cause.
Sing to the Lord, hype Him up, 'cause He saved the soul of the broke from the grip of the wicked.
Sing unto the LORD, praise ye the LORD: for he hath delivered the soul of the poor from the hand of evildoers.
Man, curse the day I was born; don’t let my birthday be blessed.
Cursed {be} the day wherein I was born: let not the day wherein my mother bare me be blessed.
Curse the dude who told my dad a boy was born; that really made him hype.
Cursed {be} the man who brought tidings to my father, saying, A man child is born unto thee; making him very glad.
Let that dude be like those cities the Lord smashed, and let him hear the morning cries and noon shouts.
And let that man be as the cities which the LORD overthrew, and repented not: and let him hear the cry in the morning, and the shouting at noontide;
Why didn’t I get taken out in the womb? Or why couldn’t my mom just be my grave, always carrying me?
Because he slew me not from the womb; or that my mother might have been my grave, and her womb {to be} always great {with me}.
Why did I even come out to witness struggle and pain, just to have my days filled with shame?
Wherefore came I forth out of the womb to see labour and sorrow, that my days should be consumed with shame?