Deuteronomy Chapter 14
You guys are legit the children of the Lord your God: don’t be out here cutting yourselves or going bald for the deceased, that’s sus.
Ye {are} the children of the LORD your God: ye shall not cut yourselves, nor make any baldness between your eyes for the dead.
Y'all are a holy crew for the Lord, selected to be a special vibe above all the nations, fr.
For thou {art} an holy people unto the LORD thy God, and the LORD hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that {are} upon the earth.
No cap, steer clear of anything nasty, it’s not the move.
Thou shalt not eat any abominable thing.
Peep this squad you can chow down on: ox, sheep, and goat, all fire.
These {are} the beasts which ye shall eat: the ox, the sheep, and the goat,
Also, the hart, roebuck, fallow deer, wild goat, pygarg, wild ox, and chamois, all straight bussin.
The hart, and the roebuck, and the fallow deer, and the wild goat, and the pygarg, and the wild ox, and the chamois. {pygarg: or bison: Heb. dishon}
Any animal that splits the hoof and chews the cud, that’s what you can roll with.
And every beast that parteth the hoof, and cleaveth the cleft into two claws, {and} cheweth the cud among the beasts, that ye shall eat.
But for real, don’t munch on the ones that chew cud but don’t split hooves, like camels and hares; they’re a no-go.
Nevertheless these ye shall not eat of them that chew the cud, or of them that divide the cloven hoof; {as} the camel, and the hare, and the coney: for they chew the cud, but divide not the hoof; {therefore} they {are} unclean unto you.
And pigs, since they split hooves but don’t chew cud, they’re unclean; avoid their meat and don’t touch their carcasses.
And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it {is} unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.
From the waters, only eat those with fins and scales; those are the good eats.
These ye shall eat of all that {are} in the waters: all that have fins and scales shall ye eat:
If it’s missing fins and scales, don’t even consider it; it’s unclean, periodt.
And whatsoever hath not fins and scales ye may not eat; it {is} unclean unto you.
Only the clean birds are on the menu, fam.
{Of} all clean birds ye shall eat.
But like, skip these: the eagle, ossifrage, and ospray, no cap.
But these {are they} of which ye shall not eat: the eagle, and the ossifrage, and the ospray,
Also, the glede, kite, and vulture are a hard pass, fr.
And the glede, and the kite, and the vulture after his kind,
And all ravens are sus, so keep away from that.
And every raven after his kind,
The owl, night hawk, cuckoo, and hawk are also off the list, periodt.
And the owl, and the night hawk, and the cuckow, and the hawk after his kind,
Little owl, great owl, and swan? Nah, that’s not it.
The little owl, and the great owl, and the swan,
Pelican, gier eagle, and cormorant? Just a hard no.
And the pelican, and the gier eagle, and the cormorant,
Stork, heron, lapwing, and bat? Major no thanks.
And the stork, and the heron after her kind, and the lapwing, and the bat.
And every flying creep is unclean, so don’t eat that, bruh.
And every creeping thing that flieth {is} unclean unto you: they shall not be eaten.
But all the clean birds? Those are totally fine to munch on.
{But of} all clean fowls ye may eat.
Don’t eat anything that just straight-up dies; give it to the homie in your gates or sell it to someone else. You’re a holy squad for God, so don’t cook a kid in its mom's milk, fr.
Ye shall not eat {of} any thing that dieth of itself: thou shalt give it unto the stranger that {is} in thy gates, that he may eat it; or thou mayest sell it unto an alien: for thou {art} an holy people unto the LORD thy God. Thou shalt not seethe a kid in his mother's milk.
For real, make sure to tithe all your harvests every year, no cap.
Thou shalt truly tithe all the increase of thy seed, that the field bringeth forth year by year.
Eat in front of the Lord your God at the spot He selects, bringing the tithe of your corn, wine, and oil, plus the first of your herds and flocks, so you can learn to vibe with God all day, periodt.
And thou shalt eat before the LORD thy God, in the place which he shall choose to place his name there, the tithe of thy corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the firstlings of thy herds and of thy flocks; that thou mayest learn to fear the LORD thy God always.
If the trip’s too long and you can’t carry it, or if the place God picks is mad far, when He blesses you:
And if the way be too long for thee, so that thou art not able to carry it; {or} if the place be too far from thee, which the LORD thy God shall choose to set his name there, when the LORD thy God hath blessed thee:
Just turn it into cash, keep it close, and head to the spot God chooses, bet.
Then shalt thou turn {it} into money, and bind up the money in thine hand, and shalt go unto the place which the LORD thy God shall choose:
Use that cash for whatever your heart desires—oxen, sheep, wine, or strong drink—and enjoy it there in front of the Lord your God with your fam, it’s gonna be bussin.
And thou shalt bestow that money for whatsoever thy soul lusteth after, for oxen, or for sheep, or for wine, or for strong drink, or for whatsoever thy soul desireth: and thou shalt eat there before the LORD thy God, and thou shalt rejoice, thou, and thine household, {desireth: Heb. asketh of thee}
Don’t forget about the Levite in your gates; he’s got no part or inheritance with you, so show him some love.
And the Levite that {is} within thy gates; thou shalt not forsake him; for he hath no part nor inheritance with thee.
After three years, bring all your tithes from that year and stash it in your gates, lit.
At the end of three years thou shalt bring forth all the tithe of thine increase the same year, and shalt lay {it} up within thy gates:
The Levite, the stranger, the orphans, and the widows in your gates can come eat and be satisfied; this way, God will bless all the work you do, for real.
And the Levite, (because he hath no part nor inheritance with thee,) and the stranger, and the fatherless, and the widow, which {are} within thy gates, shall come, and shall eat and be satisfied; that the LORD thy God may bless thee in all the work of thine hand which thou doest.