2 Samuel Chapter 6
David gathered all the selected homies from Israel, thirty thousand deep.
Again, David gathered together all {the} chosen {men} of Israel, thirty thousand.
So David bounced with his entire crew from Baale of Judah to scoop up the ark of God, the one with the ultimate title, Lord of hosts chillin' between the cherubs.
And David arose, and went with all the people that {were} with him from Baale of Judah, to bring up from thence the ark of God, whose name is called by the name of the LORD of hosts that dwelleth {between} the cherubims. {Baale: or, Baalah, that is, Kirjathjearim} {whose name...: or, at which the name, even the name of the LORD of hosts, was called upon}
They tossed the ark of God onto a fresh cart, rolling it out from Abinadab's crib in Gibeah; Uzzah and Ahio, Abinadab's sons, were handling that new whip.
And they set the ark of God upon a new cart, and brought it out of the house of Abinadab that {was} in Gibeah: and Uzzah and Ahio, the sons of Abinadab, drave the new cart. {set: Heb. made to ride} {Gibeah: or, the hill}
They cruised out from Abinadab's pad in Gibeah, vibing with the ark of God, and Ahio was leading the pack.
And they brought it out of the house of Abinadab which {was} at Gibeah, accompanying the ark of God: and Ahio went before the ark. {accompanying: Heb. with}
David and the whole squad of Israel were vibing hard before the Lord with all sorts of instruments crafted from fir wood—harps, psalteries, timbrels, cornets, and cymbals, all slapping.
And David and all the house of Israel played before the LORD on all manner of {instruments made of} fir wood, even on harps, and on psalteries, and on timbrels, and on cornets, and on cymbals.
As they hit Nachon’s threshingfloor, Uzzah reached out for the ark of God since the oxen were acting sus.
And when they came to Nachon's threshingfloor, Uzzah put forth {his hand} to the ark of God, and took hold of it; for the oxen shook {it}. {Nachon: also called Chidon} {shook it: or, stumbled}
The Lord got heated at Uzzah, and bam, He smote him right there for his error; Uzzah literally died by the ark of God.
And the anger of the LORD was kindled against Uzzah; and God smote him there for {his} error; and there he died by the ark of God. {error: or, rashness}
David was straight-up upset because the Lord did that to Uzzah; he dubbed the spot Perez–uzzah, and it’s still known like that.
And David was displeased, because the LORD had made a breach upon Uzzah: and he called the name of the place Perezuzzah to this day. {made: Heb. broken} {Perezuzzah: that is, the breach of Uzzah}
That day, David was shook by the Lord and asked, "How’s the ark of the Lord supposed to roll up to me?"
And David was afraid of the LORD that day, and said, How shall the ark of the LORD come to me?
So David didn’t bring the ark of the Lord into the city of David; instead, he tucked it away at Obed–edom the Gittite’s crib.
So David would not remove the ark of the LORD unto him into the city of David: but David carried it aside into the house of Obededom the Gittite.
The ark of the Lord chilled at Obed–edom's for three months, and the Lord blessed Obed–edom and his whole fam.
And the ark of the LORD continued in the house of Obededom the Gittite three months: and the LORD blessed Obededom, and all his household.
Word hit King David that the Lord was blessing Obed–edom's house and everything he had because of the ark of God, so David went to scoop it up with solid vibes.
And it was told king David, saying, The LORD hath blessed the house of Obededom, and all that {pertaineth} unto him, because of the ark of God. So David went and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obededom into the city of David with gladness.
Every six steps they took with the ark, David was sacrificing oxen and fatlings, no cap.
And it was {so}, that when they that bare the ark of the LORD had gone six paces, he sacrificed oxen and fatlings.
David was dancing hard before the Lord with all his energy, rocking that linen ephod.
And David danced before the LORD with all {his} might; and David {was} girded with a linen ephod.
So David and the whole Israel crew brought the ark of the Lord up with mad noise and trumpet blaring; it was lit.
So David and all the house of Israel brought up the ark of the LORD with shouting, and with the sound of the trumpet.
As the ark rolled into the city of David, Michal, Saul’s daughter, peeped through a window and saw King David jumping and dancing for the Lord; she was totally judging him in her heart.
And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul's daughter looked through a window, and saw king David leaping and dancing before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.
They brought the ark of the Lord in and set it up in the tabernacle David had crafted for it; David offered burnt and peace offerings before the Lord, periodt.
And they brought in the ark of the LORD, and set it in his place, in the midst of the tabernacle that David had pitched for it: and David offered burnt offerings and peace offerings before the LORD. {pitched: Heb. stretched}
Once David wrapped up those offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the Lord of hosts.
And as soon as David had made an end of offering burnt offerings and peace offerings, he blessed the people in the name of the LORD of hosts.
He hooked up everyone in Israel, giving each person a cake of bread, a solid piece of meat, and a flagon of wine. Then everyone dipped back to their own digs.
And he dealt among all the people, {even} among the whole multitude of Israel, as well to the women as men, to every one a cake of bread, and a good piece {of flesh}, and a flagon {of wine}. So all the people departed every one to his house.
David went back to bless his household, but Michal, Saul’s daughter, came out to meet him, saying, "Wow, what a vibe today, King of Israel, exposing yourself in front of the servants like that!"
Then David returned to bless his household. And Michal the daughter of Saul came out to meet David, and said, How glorious was the king of Israel to day, who uncovered himself to day in the eyes of the handmaids of his servants, as one of the vain fellows shamelessly uncovereth himself! {shamelessly: or, openly}
David fired back at Michal, "I was vibing before the Lord, who chose me over your dad and his whole fam to lead the Lord's people, Israel; that’s why I’m gonna keep turning up."
And David said unto Michal, {It was} before the LORD, which chose me before thy father, and before all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel: therefore will I play before the LORD.
And I’m going to get even more wild than this, and I’ll be seen however I want; the maidservants you’re talking about will vibe with me for real.
And I will yet be more vile than thus, and will be base in mine own sight: and of the maidservants which thou hast spoken of, of them shall I be had in honour. {of the...: or, of the handmaids of my servants}
So Michal, Saul’s daughter, ended up childless until she passed away.
Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no child unto the day of her death.