2 Samuel Chapter 16
So, David was just vibing past the hill when Ziba, the servant of Mephibosheth, pulled up with some donkeys and a spread of bread, raisins, fruits, and a bottle of wine. The energy was lit.
And when David was a little past the top {of the hill}, behold, Ziba the servant of Mephibosheth met him, with a couple of asses saddled, and upon them two hundred {loaves} of bread, and an hundred bunches of raisins, and an hundred of summer fruits, and a bottle of wine.
The king was like, "What’s all this about?" Ziba responded, "The donkeys are for your crew to ride, and the bread and fruit are for the squad to chow down on; the wine's for those feeling drained out there."
And the king said unto Ziba, What meanest thou by these? And Ziba said, The asses {be} for the king's household to ride on; and the bread and summer fruit for the young men to eat; and the wine, that such as be faint in the wilderness may drink.
Then David asked, "Where’s your master’s son at?" Ziba said, "He’s just chilling in Jerusalem, claiming that today Israel's gonna hook him up with his dad's kingdom again."
And the king said, And where {is} thy master's son? And Ziba said unto the king, Behold, he abideth at Jerusalem: for he said, To day shall the house of Israel restore me the kingdom of my father.
The king told Ziba, "Everything that belonged to Mephibosheth is yours now." Ziba was like, "No cap, just hoping for some of your favor, my dude."
Then said the king to Ziba, Behold, thine {are} all that {pertained} unto Mephibosheth. And Ziba said, I humbly beseech thee {that} I may find grace in thy sight, my lord, O king. {I humbly...: Heb. I do obeisance}
When King David cruised into Bahurim, a guy from Saul's crew named Shimei came out, cursing him as he approached.
And when king David came to Bahurim, behold, thence came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name {was} Shimei, the son of Gera: he came forth, and cursed still as he came. {he came forth...: or, he still came forth and cursed}
He was tossing stones at David and his squad, while all the mighty men were on both sides. Majorly savage.
And he cast stones at David, and at all the servants of king David: and all the people and all the mighty men {were} on his right hand and on his left.
Shimei was shouting, "Get lost, you bloody man, you wicked dude!"
And thus said Shimei when he cursed, Come out, come out, thou bloody man, and thou man of Belial: {bloody...: Heb. man of blood}
The Lord's bringing all the blood from Saul’s fam back on you, since you took the throne; now the kingdom's in Absalom's hands, and you're caught up in your own drama, bloody man.
The LORD hath returned upon thee all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose stead thou hast reigned; and the LORD hath delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom thy son: and, behold, thou {art taken} in thy mischief, because thou {art} a bloody man. {behold...: Heb. behold thee in thy evil}
Abishai, son of Zeruiah, said to the king, "Why let this dead dog curse you? Let me take him out!"
Then said Abishai the son of Zeruiah unto the king, Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head.
David shot back, "What’s it to you, sons of Zeruiah? Let him curse; the Lord told him to. Who's gonna question that?"
And the king said, What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? so let him curse, because the LORD hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so?
David said to Abishai and his crew, "My own son is after me; how much more can this Benjamite throw at me? Just leave him alone; the Lord’s got this handled."
And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now {may this} Benjamite {do it}? let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him.
Maybe the Lord will peep my struggle and bless me for this dude cursing me today.
It may be that the LORD will look on mine affliction, and that the LORD will requite me good for his cursing this day. {affliction: or, tears: Heb. eye}
As David and his crew passed, Shimei kept cursing, tossing stones and dust at them. Total chaos.
And as David and his men went by the way, Shimei went along on the hill's side over against him, and cursed as he went, and threw stones at him, and cast dust. {cast...: Heb. dusted him with dust}
The king and his gang were worn out, so they stopped to chill and refresh themselves.
And the king, and all the people that {were} with him, came weary, and refreshed themselves there.
At the same time, Absalom and the whole Israelite squad rolled into Jerusalem, with Ahithophel tagging along.
And Absalom, and all the people the men of Israel, came to Jerusalem, and Ahithophel with him.
When Hushai, David's homie, came to Absalom, he was like, "Long live the king!"
And it came to pass, when Hushai the Archite, David's friend, was come unto Absalom, that Hushai said unto Absalom, God save the king, God save the king. {God...: Heb. Let the king live}
Absalom asked Hushai, "Is this how you roll with your friend? Why didn’t you stick with him?"
And Absalom said to Hushai, {Is} this thy kindness to thy friend? why wentest thou not with thy friend?
Hushai answered, "Nah; I roll with whoever the Lord and the people choose. I’m rocking that vibe."
And Hushai said unto Absalom, Nay; but whom the LORD, and this people, and all the men of Israel, choose, his will I be, and with him will I abide.
He continued, "Who should I vibe with? Shouldn’t I be with your son? I served your dad, so I’m here for you too."
And again, whom should I serve? {should I} not {serve} in the presence of his son? as I have served in thy father's presence, so will I be in thy presence.
Absalom told Ahithophel, "Hit me with some advice on what we should do."
Then said Absalom to Ahithophel, Give counsel among you what we shall do.
Ahithophel said, "Go hang out with your dad's concubines; everyone will see you’re not cool with him, and then your crew will feel pumped up."
And Ahithophel said unto Absalom, Go in unto thy father's concubines, which he hath left to keep the house; and all Israel shall hear that thou art abhorred of thy father: then shall the hands of all that {are} with thee be strong.
So they set up a tent for Absalom on the roof, and he went in with his dad's concubines right in front of everyone.
So they spread Absalom a tent upon the top of the house; and Absalom went in unto his father's concubines in the sight of all Israel.
Ahithophel's advice back then was like getting direct intel from God; it was solid for both David and Absalom.
And the counsel of Ahithophel, which he counselled in those days, {was} as if a man had enquired at the oracle of God: so {was} all the counsel of Ahithophel both with David and with Absalom. {oracle: Heb. word}