2 Kings Chapter 8
So Elisha was like to the woman whose son he revived, "Get up, grab your fam, and bounce wherever you can, 'cause the Lord’s calling a famine for seven years, no cap."
Then spake Elisha unto the woman, whose son he had restored to life, saying, Arise, and go thou and thine household, and sojourn wheresoever thou canst sojourn: for the LORD hath called for a famine; and it shall also come upon the land seven years.
The woman got up and vibed with what the man of God said; she kicked it with her fam and chilled in Philistine land for seven years.
And the woman arose, and did after the saying of the man of God: and she went with her household, and sojourned in the land of the Philistines seven years.
After those seven years, the woman rolled back from the Philistines to hit up the king about her house and land.
And it came to pass at the seven years' end, that the woman returned out of the land of the Philistines: and she went forth to cry unto the king for her house and for her land.
Meanwhile, the king was chatting with Gehazi, Elisha's servant, asking, "Ayo, tell me all the lit stuff Elisha’s done."
And the king talked with Gehazi the servant of the man of God, saying, Tell me, I pray thee, all the great things that Elisha hath done.
While Gehazi was spilling the tea about how Elisha brought a dead dude back to life, the woman whose son he revived popped up to the king for her house and land. Gehazi was like, "My lord, this is the woman, and this is her son—Elisha’s the GOAT."
And it came to pass, as he was telling the king how he had restored a dead body to life, that, behold, the woman, whose son he had restored to life, cried to the king for her house and for her land. And Gehazi said, My lord, O king, this {is} the woman, and this {is} her son, whom Elisha restored to life.
When the king asked the woman, she kept it 100. The king told an officer, "Make sure she gets everything back, plus all the crops since she dipped."
And when the king asked the woman, she told him. So the king appointed unto her a certain officer, saying, Restore all that {was} hers, and all the fruits of the field since the day that she left the land, even until now. {officer: or, eunuch}
God literally went to Damascus, and Ben-hadad, the king of Syria, was sick; word reached him that the man of God was in the area.
And Elisha came to Damascus; and Benhadad the king of Syria was sick; and it was told him, saying, The man of God is come hither.
The king was like to Hazael, "Grab a gift and go meet the man of God. Ask him if I’m bouncing back from this sickness."
And the king said unto Hazael, Take a present in thine hand, and go, meet the man of God, and enquire of the LORD by him, saying, Shall I recover of this disease?
So Hazael went to meet him, bringing a dope gift from Damascus, like forty camels worth, and said, "Your son Ben-hadad, king of Syria, sent me to ask if I’m gonna recover from this disease."
So Hazael went to meet him, and took a present with him, even of every good thing of Damascus, forty camels' burden, and came and stood before him, and said, Thy son Benhadad king of Syria hath sent me to thee, saying, Shall I recover of this disease? {with...: Heb. in his hand}
Elisha replied, "Go tell him he’ll be straight, but the Lord showed me he’s actually gonna die, fr."
And Elisha said unto him, Go, say unto him, Thou mayest certainly recover: howbeit the LORD hath shewed me that he shall surely die.
Dude was shook, until he felt embarrassed: and the man of God was just crying, no cap.
And he settled his countenance stedfastly, until he was ashamed: and the man of God wept. {stedfastly: Heb. and set it}
Hazael was like, "Why you crying, fam?" And Elisha said, "Cause I know the savage stuff you gonna do to Israel: you gonna burn their strongholds, take out their young men, and even mess with their kids and pregnant women."
And Hazael said, Why weepeth my lord? And he answered, Because I know the evil that thou wilt do unto the children of Israel: their strong holds wilt thou set on fire, and their young men wilt thou slay with the sword, and wilt dash their children, and rip up their women with child.
Hazael was like, "Wait, am I a dog? I ain't about to do all that!" And Elisha was like, "Nah, fam, God showed me you gonna be king of Syria."
And Hazael said, But what, {is} thy servant a dog, that he should do this great thing? And Elisha answered, The LORD hath shewed me that thou {shalt be} king over Syria.
Then he bounced from Elisha and went back to his master; who asked, "What did Elisha say?" And he replied, "He said you gonna be good, fr."
So he departed from Elisha, and came to his master; who said to him, What said Elisha to thee? And he answered, He told me {that} thou shouldest surely recover.
The next day, Hazael took a thick cloth, soaked it in water, and put it on his face, then he was out: Hazael took over, periodt.
And it came to pass on the morrow, that he took a thick cloth, and dipped {it} in water, and spread {it} on his face, so that he died: and Hazael reigned in his stead.
In the fifth year of Joram, son of Ahab, king of Israel, Jehoshaphat was king of Judah, and Jehoram, Jehoshaphat's son, kicked off his reign.
And in the fifth year of Joram the son of Ahab king of Israel, Jehoshaphat {being} then king of Judah, Jehoram the son of Jehoshaphat king of Judah began to reign. {began...: Heb. reigned}
Dude was 32 when he started to reign; he held it down for eight years in Jerusalem.
Thirty and two years old was he when he began to reign; and he reigned eight years in Jerusalem.
He walked the path like the kings of Israel, just like Ahab’s fam: cause Ahab's daughter was his wife, and he was doing sus stuff in the Lord's eyes.
And he walked in the way of the kings of Israel, as did the house of Ahab: for the daughter of Ahab was his wife: and he did evil in the sight of the LORD.
But the Lord wasn’t gonna wipe out Judah for David's sake, keeping that light on for him and his kids, no cap.
Yet the LORD would not destroy Judah for David his servant's sake, as he promised him to give him alway a light, {and} to his children. {light: Heb. candle, or, lamp}
During his reign, Edom was like, "Nah, we out," and crowned their own king.
In his days Edom revolted from under the hand of Judah, and made a king over themselves.
So Joram pulled up to Zair with all the chariots, and he was like, "Let’s pop off at night," and took out the Edomites surrounding him, while the squad dipped back to their tents.
So Joram went over to Zair, and all the chariots with him: and he rose by night, and smote the Edomites which compassed him about, and the captains of the chariots: and the people fled into their tents.
But Edom was like, "Nah," and bounced from Judah since then. Libnah also decided to switch up at the same time.
Yet Edom revolted from under the hand of Judah unto this day. Then Libnah revolted at the same time.
All the other things Joram did, aren’t they in the chronicles of the kings of Judah? That’s gotta be a vibe check.
And the rest of the acts of Joram, and all that he did, {are} they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Judah?
Joram passed away and got buried with his fam in the city of David; then his son Ahaziah took the throne.
And Joram slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David: and Ahaziah his son reigned in his stead. {Ahaziah: also called, Azariah, and Jehoahaz}
In Joram's twelfth year, Ahaziah, son of Jehoram from Judah, kicked off his reign.
In the twelfth year of Joram the son of Ahab king of Israel did Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah begin to reign.
Ahaziah was just 22 when he started ruling, and he held it down for a year in Jerusalem. His mom was Athaliah, daughter of Omri, king of Israel.
Two and twenty years old {was} Ahaziah when he began to reign; and he reigned one year in Jerusalem. And his mother's name {was} Athaliah, the daughter of Omri king of Israel. {daughter: or, granddaughter}
He was walking in Ahab's footsteps, doing some sus stuff in God’s eyes, since he was married into Ahab's fam.
And he walked in the way of the house of Ahab, and did evil in the sight of the LORD, as {did} the house of Ahab: for he {was} the son in law of the house of Ahab.
He teamed up with Joram, son of Ahab, to go to war against Hazael, king of Syria, in Ramoth-gilead; the Syrians hit Joram a few times.
And he went with Joram the son of Ahab to the war against Hazael king of Syria in Ramothgilead; and the Syrians wounded Joram.
King Joram bounced back to Jezreel to heal from the wounds the Syrians gave him at Ramah, while Ahaziah, son of Jehoram, went to check on him since he was sick.
And king Joram went back to be healed in Jezreel of the wounds which the Syrians had given him at Ramah, when he fought against Hazael king of Syria. And Ahaziah the son of Jehoram king of Judah went down to see Joram the son of Ahab in Jezreel, because he was sick. {which...: Heb. wherewith the Syrians had wounded} {Ramah: called Ramoth} {sick: Heb. wounded}