2 Kings Chapter 7
So Elisha was like, "Yo, check it! The Lord’s got a message: Tomorrow, you’re gonna find a solid deal on fine flour for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, right at Samaria’s gate."
Then Elisha said, Hear ye the word of the LORD; Thus saith the LORD, To morrow about this time {shall} a measure of fine flour {be sold} for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, in the gate of Samaria.
Then this guy close to the king was like, "No cap, if the Lord opened up heaven’s windows, could that actually go down?" To which Elisha replied, "You’ll peep it with your own eyes, but you’re not gonna munch on any of it."
Then a lord on whose hand the king leaned answered the man of God, and said, Behold, {if} the LORD would make windows in heaven, might this thing be? And he said, Behold, thou shalt see {it} with thine eyes, but shalt not eat thereof. {a lord...: Heb. a lord which belonged to the king leaning upon his hand}
Four lepers were hanging at the gate, and they said, "Why are we just sitting here until we check out?"
And there were four leprous men at the entering in of the gate: and they said one to another, Why sit we here until we die?
They figured, "If we go into the city, there’s a famine and we’ll bite the dust there. If we chill here, we die too. So let’s roll over to the Syrians’ camp; if they hook us up, sweet, we live; if not, we just die anyway."
If we say, We will enter into the city, then the famine {is} in the city, and we shall die there: and if we sit still here, we die also. Now therefore come, and let us fall unto the host of the Syrians: if they save us alive, we shall live; and if they kill us, we shall but die.
They stood up at twilight and made their way to the Syrians’ camp, and when they arrived, it was empty, nobody was around.
And they rose up in the twilight, to go unto the camp of the Syrians: and when they were come to the uttermost part of the camp of Syria, behold, {there was} no man there.
The Lord made the Syrians hear the sounds of chariots and horses, like an entire army, and they were all like, "Bet, the king of Israel must’ve hired the Hittites and Egyptians against us."
For the Lord had made the host of the Syrians to hear a noise of chariots, and a noise of horses, {even} the noise of a great host: and they said one to another, Lo, the king of Israel hath hired against us the kings of the Hittites, and the kings of the Egyptians, to come upon us.
So they dipped in the night, leaving their tents, horses, and donkeys behind, just bolting for their lives.
Wherefore they arose and fled in the twilight, and left their tents, and their horses, and their asses, even the camp as it {was}, and fled for their life.
When the lepers arrived at the camp, they hit up one tent, feasted hard, and scooped up silver, gold, and clothes, then they stashed that loot. Then they popped into another tent, did the same, and hid that too.
And when these lepers came to the uttermost part of the camp, they went into one tent, and did eat and drink, and carried thence silver, and gold, and raiment, and went and hid {it}; and came again, and entered into another tent, and carried thence {also}, and went and hid {it}.
They were like, "This feels sus, we can't just chill here. Today’s a day for good vibes, and we’re keeping this to ourselves. If we wait till morning, something bad's gonna go down. Let’s go spill the tea to the king’s homies."
Then they said one to another, We do not well: this day {is} a day of good tidings, and we hold our peace: if we tarry till the morning light, some mischief will come upon us: now therefore come, that we may go and tell the king's household. {some...: Heb. we shall find punishment}
So they rolled up and called the city gatekeeper, saying, "We scoped out the Syrians' camp, and it was empty, no one was there, just tied-up horses and donkeys, and tents still standing."
So they came and called unto the porter of the city: and they told them, saying, We came to the camp of the Syrians, and, behold, {there was} no man there, neither voice of man, but horses tied, and asses tied, and the tents as they {were}.
He called the porters, and they filled the king's crew in on what was happening.
And he called the porters; and they told {it} to the king's house within.
The king woke up at night and told his servants, "Let me put you on to what the Syrians are scheming. They know we’re starving, so they bounced from the camp to hide in the fields, thinking they can catch us when we come out."
And the king arose in the night, and said unto his servants, I will now shew you what the Syrians have done to us. They know that we {be} hungry; therefore are they gone out of the camp to hide themselves in the field, saying, When they come out of the city, we shall catch them alive, and get into the city.
One of his servants suggested, "Let’s grab five of the leftover horses in the city; they’re just like the Israelites left here. We should send a squad to check it out."
And one of his servants answered and said, Let {some} take, I pray thee, five of the horses that remain, which are left in the city, (behold, they {are} as all the multitude of Israel that are left in it: behold, {I say}, they {are} even as all the multitude of the Israelites that are consumed:) and let us send and see. {in the city: Heb. in it}
They picked two chariot horses, and the king was like, "Go see what’s up."
They took therefore two chariot horses; and the king sent after the host of the Syrians, saying, Go and see.
They chased down the Syrians to the Jordan, and the whole path was filled with clothes and stuff the Syrians ditched in their hurry. The messengers returned and informed the king.
And they went after them unto Jordan: and, lo, all the way {was} full of garments and vessels, which the Syrians had cast away in their haste. And the messengers returned, and told the king.
The people went out and plundered the Syrians' tents. So fine flour was sold for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, just like the Lord said.
And the people went out, and spoiled the tents of the Syrians. So a measure of fine flour was {sold} for a shekel, and two measures of barley for a shekel, according to the word of the LORD.
The king assigned the guy he trusted to oversee the gate, and the people trampled him there, just like the man of God said when the king came down.
And the king appointed the lord on whose hand he leaned to have the charge of the gate: and the people trode upon him in the gate, and he died, as the man of God had said, who spake when the king came down to him.
And it all unfolded just as the man of God told the king, saying, "Two measures of barley for a shekel, and a measure of fine flour for a shekel, will drop tomorrow at the gate of Samaria."
And it came to pass as the man of God had spoken to the king, saying, Two measures of barley for a shekel, and a measure of fine flour for a shekel, shall be to morrow about this time in the gate of Samaria:
That guy hit back at the man of God again, "For real, if the Lord opened windows in heaven, could that even happen?" And Elisha said, "You’ll see it with your own eyes, but you’re not gonna chow down on any of it."
And that lord answered the man of God, and said, Now, behold, {if} the LORD should make windows in heaven, might such a thing be? And he said, Behold, thou shalt see it with thine eyes, but shalt not eat thereof.
And it went down just like that: the people trampled him at the gate, and he checked out.
And so it fell out unto him: for the people trode upon him in the gate, and he died.