2 Kings Chapter 5
Naaman, the top dog from Syria, was a total champ since God hooked Syria up with victories, but he had a nasty case of leprosy, no cap.
Now Naaman, captain of the host of the king of Syria, was a great man with his master, and honourable, because by him the LORD had given deliverance unto Syria: he was also a mighty man in valour, {but he was} a leper. {with: Heb. before} {honourable: or, gracious: Heb. lifted up, or, accepted in countenance} {deliverance: or, victory}
The Syrians rolled out and snagged a little girl from Israel, who was chillin' with Naaman's wifey.
And the Syrians had gone out by companies, and had brought away captive out of the land of Israel a little maid; and she waited on Naaman's wife. {waited...: Heb. was before}
She was like, "Yo, if my dude could just hang with the prophet in Samaria, he'd get healed from that leprosy, fr!"
And she said unto her mistress, Would God my lord {were} with the prophet that {is} in Samaria! for he would recover him of his leprosy. {with: Heb. before} {recover: Heb. gather in}
So someone rolled up and told Naaman, "This is what the girl from Israel said, no cap."
And {one} went in, and told his lord, saying, Thus and thus said the maid that {is} of the land of Israel.
The king of Syria was like, "Bet, I’ll shoot a letter to the king of Israel." He took off with ten talents of silver, six thousand gold coins, and a fresh outfit.
And the king of Syria said, Go to, go, and I will send a letter unto the king of Israel. And he departed, and took with him ten talents of silver, and six thousand {pieces} of gold, and ten changes of raiment. {with...: Heb. in his hand}
He dropped off the letter to the king of Israel, saying, "Yo, I sent Naaman my dude to you so you can heal his leprosy."
And he brought the letter to the king of Israel, saying, Now when this letter is come unto thee, behold, I have {therewith} sent Naaman my servant to thee, that thou mayest recover him of his leprosy.
The king of Israel was shook when he read the letter and ripped his clothes, saying, "Am I God? Can I bring peeps back to life? This guy wants me to heal Naaman's leprosy. What’s the vibe?"
And it came to pass, when the king of Israel had read the letter, that he rent his clothes, and said, {Am} I God, to kill and to make alive, that this man doth send unto me to recover a man of his leprosy? wherefore consider, I pray you, and see how he seeketh a quarrel against me.
Elisha caught wind that the king was stressing about his fit and sent a message, "Why you trippin'? Let him come to me, he’ll see there’s a prophet in Israel."
And it was {so}, when Elisha the man of God had heard that the king of Israel had rent his clothes, that he sent to the king, saying, Wherefore hast thou rent thy clothes? let him come now to me, and he shall know that there is a prophet in Israel.
Naaman showed up with his horses and chariot, just chillin' at Elisha's doorstep.
So Naaman came with his horses and with his chariot, and stood at the door of the house of Elisha.
Elisha sent a messenger who said, "Go wash in the Jordan seven times, and you’ll be all good, no cap."
And Elisha sent a messenger unto him, saying, Go and wash in Jordan seven times, and thy flesh shall come again to thee, and thou shalt be clean.
But Naaman was tight and bounced, saying, "I thought he’d come out, stand tall, and call on his God, wave his hand, and cure the leper. These vibes are sus."
But Naaman was wroth, and went away, and said, Behold, I thought, He will surely come out to me, and stand, and call on the name of the LORD his God, and strike his hand over the place, and recover the leper. {I thought: Heb. I said} {I thought...: or, I said with myself, He will surely come out, etc: Heb. I said} {strike: Heb. move up and down}
Aren't Abana and Pharpar, those rivers in Damascus, way more fire than any water in Israel? Can’t I just wash in them and be clean? So, he stormed off in anger, no cap.
{Are} not Abana and Pharpar, rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? may I not wash in them, and be clean? So he turned and went away in a rage. {Abana: or, Amana}
Then his boys came up and said, "Yo, if the prophet told you to do something crazy, you’d be all about it, right? So why not just wash and get clean?"
And his servants came near, and spake unto him, and said, My father, {if} the prophet had bid thee {do some} great thing, wouldest thou not have done {it}? how much rather then, when he saith to thee, Wash, and be clean?
So, he finally dipped down and washed seven times in the Jordan, just like the man of God said; his skin was slick like a baby's, and he was clean. Lit!
Then went he down, and dipped himself seven times in Jordan, according to the saying of the man of God: and his flesh came again like unto the flesh of a little child, and he was clean.
He rolled back to the man of God with his whole crew, stood there, and said, "Yo, now I know there’s no God on earth but in Israel. So, please accept a blessing from your servant."
And he returned to the man of God, he and all his company, and came, and stood before him: and he said, Behold, now I know that {there is} no God in all the earth, but in Israel: now therefore, I pray thee, take a blessing of thy servant.
But he was like, "As the Lord lives, I’m not taking anything." Naaman pushed, but he was like, "Nah, fr."
But he said, {As} the LORD liveth, before whom I stand, I will receive none. And he urged him to take {it}; but he refused.
Naaman then said, "Can I snag two mules' worth of dirt? From now on, I’m only offering to the Lord, no cap."
And Naaman said, Shall there not then, I pray thee, be given to thy servant two mules' burden of earth? for thy servant will henceforth offer neither burnt offering nor sacrifice unto other gods, but unto the LORD.
"For this, the Lord forgive your servant. When my boss heads into Rimmon’s house to worship and leans on me, I gotta bow too. Please forgive me for that."
In this thing the LORD pardon thy servant, {that} when my master goeth into the house of Rimmon to worship there, and he leaneth on my hand, and I bow myself in the house of Rimmon: when I bow down myself in the house of Rimmon, the LORD pardon thy servant in this thing.
He said, "Go in peace." So, Naaman bounced a bit, vibing.
And he said unto him, Go in peace. So he departed from him a little way. {a little...: Heb. a little piece of ground}
But Gehazi, Elisha’s servant, was like, "Hold up, my master let Naaman slide without taking anything. As the Lord lives, I’m gonna chase him and grab something."
But Gehazi, the servant of Elisha the man of God, said, Behold, my master hath spared Naaman this Syrian, in not receiving at his hands that which he brought: but, {as} the LORD liveth, I will run after him, and take somewhat of him.
So Gehazi was sprinting after Naaman, and when Naaman peeped him coming, he hopped off the chariot to vibe check him, like, "Is everything cool?"
So Gehazi followed after Naaman. And when Naaman saw {him} running after him, he lighted down from the chariot to meet him, and said, {Is} all well? {Is...: Heb. Is there peace?}
Gehazi was like, "All good, fam. My master just called me, saying two young prophets from mount Ephraim just rolled in: hit them up with a talent of silver and some fresh fits."
And he said, All {is} well. My master hath sent me, saying, Behold, even now there be come to me from mount Ephraim two young men of the sons of the prophets: give them, I pray thee, a talent of silver, and two changes of garments.
Naaman was like, "Bet, take two talents." He insisted, packed two talents of silver in bags with two outfits, and had his servants carry them for Gehazi.
And Naaman said, Be content, take two talents. And he urged him, and bound two talents of silver in two bags, with two changes of garments, and laid {them} upon two of his servants; and they bare {them} before him.
When he got to the tower, he snagged the goods from them, stashed them at the crib, and let the guys bounce.
And when he came to the tower, he took {them} from their hand, and bestowed {them} in the house: and he let the men go, and they departed. {tower: or, secret place}
But then he went in and stood in front of his master. Elisha was like, "Where you been, Gehazi?" And he replied, "I didn’t go anywhere, no cap."
But he went in, and stood before his master. And Elisha said unto him, Whence {comest thou}, Gehazi? And he said, Thy servant went no whither. {no whither: Heb. not hither or thither}
Elisha said, "Didn’t my heart go with you when that dude turned back from his chariot? Is this the moment to stack cash, flex outfits, or grab land and servants?"
And he said unto him, Went not mine heart {with thee}, when the man turned again from his chariot to meet thee? {Is it} a time to receive money, and to receive garments, and oliveyards, and vineyards, and sheep, and oxen, and menservants, and maidservants?
So Naaman’s leprosy is gonna stick to you and your fam forever. Gehazi bounced out of there a leper, straight-up white as snow.
The leprosy therefore of Naaman shall cleave unto thee, and unto thy seed for ever. And he went out from his presence a leper {as white} as snow.