2 Kings Chapter 1
So Moab was like, "Nah," and came at Israel after Ahab kicked the bucket.
Then Moab rebelled against Israel after the death of Ahab.
Ahaziah totally fell through the ceiling in his posh pad in Samaria and was feeling sus, so he hit up some messengers, saying, "Yo, go ask Baal-zebub if I’ll bounce back from this sickness."
And Ahaziah fell down through a lattice in his upper chamber that {was} in Samaria, and was sick: and he sent messengers, and said unto them, Go, enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron whether I shall recover of this disease.
But the Lord’s angel pulled up to Elijah and was like, "Yo, get up and link with the king’s messengers. Why you vibing with Baal-zebub when there’s a God in Israel?"
But the angel of the LORD said to Elijah the Tishbite, Arise, go up to meet the messengers of the king of Samaria, and say unto them, {Is it} not because {there is} not a God in Israel, {that} ye go to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron?
The Lord said, "You ain't getting up from that bed, fam. You gonna die for real." And Elijah dipped.
Now therefore thus saith the LORD, Thou shalt not come down from that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die. And Elijah departed. {Thou shalt...: Heb. The bed whither thou art gone up, thou shalt not come down from it}
When the messengers rolled back, he was like, "Why y’all back so quick?"
And when the messengers turned back unto him, he said unto them, Why are ye now turned back?
They said, "A dude met us and told us to go back to the king and tell him, 'The Lord said, why you vibing with Baal-zebub when there’s a God in Israel? You ain't getting off that bed, you gonna die.'"
And they said unto him, There came a man up to meet us, and said unto us, Go, turn again unto the king that sent you, and say unto him, Thus saith the LORD, {Is it} not because {there is} not a God in Israel, {that} thou sendest to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron? therefore thou shalt not come down from that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die.
He asked them, "What kinda dude was he that told you all this?"
And he said unto them, What manner of man {was he} which came up to meet you, and told you these words? {What...: Heb. What was the manner of the man}
They replied, "He was a hairy dude rocking a leather belt. It’s Elijah the Tishbite, no cap."
And they answered him, {He was} an hairy man, and girt with a girdle of leather about his loins. And he said, It {is} Elijah the Tishbite.
Then the king sent a captain with fifty homies to search for him. The captain found him chilling on a hill and said, "Man of God, the king wants you to come down ASAP."
Then the king sent unto him a captain of fifty with his fifty. And he went up to him: and, behold, he sat on the top of an hill. And he spake unto him, Thou man of God, the king hath said, Come down.
Elijah was like, "If I’m really a man of God, let fire come down from heaven and toast you and your fifty." And bam, fire came down and roasted them.
And Elijah answered and said to the captain of fifty, If I {be} a man of God, then let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And there came down fire from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty.
The king sent another captain with fifty, and he was like, "O man of God, the king said to come down quickly."
Again also he sent unto him another captain of fifty with his fifty. And he answered and said unto him, O man of God, thus hath the king said, Come down quickly.
Elijah was like, "If I’m a man of God, fire come down and roast you and your fifty." And fire from God came down and wiped them out too.
And Elijah answered and said unto them, If I {be} a man of God, let fire come down from heaven, and consume thee and thy fifty. And the fire of God came down from heaven, and consumed him and his fifty.
Then the third captain showed up, fell on his knees, and begged, "O man of God, please let me and my fifty live."
And he sent again a captain of the third fifty with his fifty. And the third captain of fifty went up, and came and fell on his knees before Elijah, and besought him, and said unto him, O man of God, I pray thee, let my life, and the life of these fifty thy servants, be precious in thy sight. {fell: Heb. bowed}
He said, "Fire came down and cooked the last two captains and their crews, so please don’t let me get roasted."
Behold, there came fire down from heaven, and burnt up the two captains of the former fifties with their fifties: therefore let my life now be precious in thy sight.
The Lord's angel told Elijah, "Go down with him, don’t trip." So Elijah got up and went to the king.
And the angel of the LORD said unto Elijah, Go down with him: be not afraid of him. And he arose, and went down with him unto the king.
He said, "The Lord says, since you’ve sent messengers to ask Baal-zebub instead of God in Israel, you ain't getting off that bed, you gonna die."
And he said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast sent messengers to enquire of Baalzebub the god of Ekron, {is it} not because {there is} no God in Israel to enquire of his word? therefore thou shalt not come down off that bed on which thou art gone up, but shalt surely die.
So he kicked the bucket just like the Lord said through Elijah. And Jehoram took over in his place during the second year of Jehoram, son of Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, 'cause he had no son.
So he died according to the word of the LORD which Elijah had spoken. And Jehoram reigned in his stead in the second year of Jehoram the son of Jehoshaphat king of Judah; because he had no son.
Are the rest of Ahaziah’s acts not recorded in the chronicles of the kings of Israel?
Now the rest of the acts of Ahaziah which he did, {are} they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Israel?