1 Samuel Chapter 6
For seven months, the ark of the Lord was vibing in Philistine territory, no cap.
And the ark of the LORD was in the country of the Philistines seven months.
So, the Philistines reached out to their priests and diviners, asking, "What’s the deal with the ark? Where do we send it to?"
And the Philistines called for the priests and the diviners, saying, What shall we do to the ark of the LORD? tell us wherewith we shall send it to his place.
They replied, "If you return the ark, don’t do it without a trespass offering; bring something back, and then you’ll be healed, fr."
And they said, If ye send away the ark of the God of Israel, send it not empty; but in any wise return him a trespass offering: then ye shall be healed, and it shall be known to you why his hand is not removed from you.
They were curious, asking, "So, what’s this trespass offering?" The answer was five golden emerods and five golden mice since one plague hit all of you and your leaders.
Then said they, What {shall be} the trespass offering which we shall return to him? They answered, Five golden emerods, and five golden mice, {according to} the number of the lords of the Philistines: for one plague {was} on you all, and on your lords. {you: Heb. them}
Thus, create some images of your emerods and mice that messed up the vibe, and recognize the God of Israel; maybe He’ll chill out with you and your deities, periodt.
Wherefore ye shall make images of your emerods, and images of your mice that mar the land; and ye shall give glory unto the God of Israel: peradventure he will lighten his hand from off you, and from off your gods, and from off your land.
Why y’all gotta harden your hearts like the Egyptians and Pharaoh? Didn’t they let the people go after God flexed?
Wherefore then do ye harden your hearts, as the Egyptians and Pharaoh hardened their hearts? when he had wrought wonderfully among them, did they not let the people go, and they departed? {wonderfully: or, reproachfully} {the people: Heb. them}
So, craft a new cart, grab two milch kine that have never been yoked, tie them to the cart, and send their calves back home.
Now therefore make a new cart, and take two milch kine, on which there hath come no yoke, and tie the kine to the cart, and bring their calves home from them:
Place the ark of the Lord on the cart, toss in the gold goodies you’re returning as a trespass offering, then send it on its way.
And take the ark of the LORD, and lay it upon the cart; and put the jewels of gold, which ye return him {for} a trespass offering, in a coffer by the side thereof; and send it away, that it may go.
If it rolls up to Beth-shemesh by itself, then we know it’s legit; if not, it’s just pure luck, no cap.
And see, if it goeth up by the way of his own coast to Bethshemesh, {then} he hath done us this great evil: but if not, then we shall know that {it is} not his hand {that} smote us: it {was} a chance {that} happened to us. {he: or, it}
The guys did exactly that; they took two milch kine, tied them to the cart, and secured their calves at home.
And the men did so; and took two milch kine, and tied them to the cart, and shut up their calves at home:
They set the ark of the Lord on the cart, along with the gold mice and images of their emerods.
And they laid the ark of the LORD upon the cart, and the coffer with the mice of gold and the images of their emerods.
The kine headed straight to Beth-shemesh, mooing the entire time, not veering left or right, while the Philistine lords followed to the border.
And the kine took the straight way to the way of Bethshemesh, {and} went along the highway, lowing as they went, and turned not aside {to} the right hand or {to} the left; and the lords of the Philistines went after them unto the border of Bethshemesh.
The people of Beth-shemesh were harvesting wheat and looked up, peeped the ark, and were totally hyped.
And {they of} Bethshemesh {were} reaping their wheat harvest in the valley: and they lifted up their eyes, and saw the ark, and rejoiced to see {it}.
The cart pulled into Joshua’s field, a dude from Beth-shemesh, and stopped by a big stone; they chopped up the cart wood and offered the kine as a burnt offering to the Lord.
And the cart came into the field of Joshua, a Bethshemite, and stood there, where {there was} a great stone: and they clave the wood of the cart, and offered the kine a burnt offering unto the LORD.
The Levites took down the ark and the coffer with the gold goodies, placing them on the great stone, while the people of Beth-shemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrifices to the Lord that day.
And the Levites took down the ark of the LORD, and the coffer that {was} with it, wherein the jewels of gold {were}, and put {them} on the great stone: and the men of Bethshemesh offered burnt offerings and sacrificed sacrifices the same day unto the LORD.
When the five lords of the Philistines peeped it, they bounced back to Ekron that same day.
And when the five lords of the Philistines had seen {it}, they returned to Ekron the same day.
These are the golden emerods the Philistines sent back as a trespass offering to the Lord: one for Ashdod, one for Gaza, one for Askelon, one for Gath, and one for Ekron.
And these {are} the golden emerods which the Philistines returned {for} a trespass offering unto the LORD; for Ashdod one, for Gaza one, for Askelon one, for Gath one, for Ekron one;
The golden mice matched the count of all the Philistine cities for the five lords, from fortified towns to rural spots, even to the great stone of Abel where they placed the ark, which remains in Joshua’s field today.
And the golden mice, {according to} the number of all the cities of the Philistines {belonging} to the five lords, {both} of fenced cities, and of country villages, even unto the great {stone of} Abel, whereon they set down the ark of the LORD: {which stone remaineth} unto this day in the field of Joshua, the Bethshemite. {great...: or, great stone}
He struck down the men of Beth-shemesh because they peeked into the ark, taking out fifty thousand and seventy dudes; the people were bummed since the Lord took out so many.
And he smote the men of Bethshemesh, because they had looked into the ark of the LORD, even he smote of the people fifty thousand and threescore and ten men: and the people lamented, because the LORD had smitten {many} of the people with a great slaughter.
The men of Beth-shemesh were like, "Who can stand before this holy Lord God? Where should He go from us?"
And the men of Bethshemesh said, Who is able to stand before this holy LORD God? and to whom shall he go up from us?
They sent messengers to the crew in Kirjath-jearim, saying, "The Philistines brought back the ark of the Lord; come through and scoop it up!"
And they sent messengers to the inhabitants of Kirjathjearim, saying, The Philistines have brought again the ark of the LORD; come ye down, {and} fetch it up to you.