1 Samuel Chapter 4
So, Samuel's message hit all of Israel. They rolled out to clash with the Philistines and set up camp at Eben–ezer, while the Philistines were just chilling at Aphek.
And the word of Samuel came to all Israel. Now Israel went out against the Philistines to battle, and pitched beside Ebenezer: and the Philistines pitched in Aphek. {came: or, came to pass: Heb. was}
The Philistines geared up against Israel, and when the battle kicked off, Israel took a major L, losing like four thousand men on the field.
And the Philistines put themselves in array against Israel: and when they joined battle, Israel was smitten before the Philistines: and they slew of the army in the field about four thousand men. {they joined...: Heb. the battle was spread} {army: Heb. array}
When the squad returned to camp, the leaders of Israel were like, "Why did the Lord let us get wrecked by the Philistines today? Let’s grab the ark of the covenant from Shiloh so it can rescue us from these enemies."
And when the people were come into the camp, the elders of Israel said, Wherefore hath the LORD smitten us to day before the Philistines? Let us fetch the ark of the covenant of the LORD out of Shiloh unto us, that, when it cometh among us, it may save us out of the hand of our enemies. {fetch: Heb. take unto us}
So, the people went to Shiloh to snag the ark of the Lord of hosts, which vibes between the cherubim, and Eli's two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, were there with it.
So the people sent to Shiloh, that they might bring from thence the ark of the covenant of the LORD of hosts, which dwelleth {between} the cherubims: and the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, {were} there with the ark of the covenant of God.
When the ark of the Lord showed up at camp, all of Israel went wild and shouted so loud that the earth was basically shaking.
And when the ark of the covenant of the LORD came into the camp, all Israel shouted with a great shout, so that the earth rang again.
The Philistines caught wind of the hype and were like, "What’s up with this insane noise from the Hebrews' camp?" They realized the ark of the Lord had landed.
And when the Philistines heard the noise of the shout, they said, What {meaneth} the noise of this great shout in the camp of the Hebrews? And they understood that the ark of the LORD was come into the camp.
The Philistines got shook, saying, "God's in their camp! This is not a good look, fam! We've never seen something like this before."
And the Philistines were afraid, for they said, God is come into the camp. And they said, Woe unto us! for there hath not been such a thing heretofore. {heretofore: Heb. yesterday, or, the third day}
"Oh no! Who's gonna save us from these mighty gods? These are the guys who wrecked the Egyptians with all those plagues in the desert!"
Woe unto us! who shall deliver us out of the hand of these mighty Gods? these {are} the Gods that smote the Egyptians with all the plagues in the wilderness.
"Yo, Philistines, be tough and act like real ones so you don’t end up as servants to the Hebrews like they were to you. Stand tall and battle!"
Be strong, and quit yourselves like men, O ye Philistines, that ye be not servants unto the Hebrews, as they have been to you: quit yourselves like men, and fight. {quit...: Heb. be men}
The Philistines went hard in the fight, but Israel took another L and scattered back to their tents; it was a heavy slaughter, with thirty thousand Israelites down.
And the Philistines fought, and Israel was smitten, and they fled every man into his tent: and there was a very great slaughter; for there fell of Israel thirty thousand footmen.
The ark of God got snatched up, and Eli’s two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, got taken out.
And the ark of God was taken; and the two sons of Eli, Hophni and Phinehas, were slain. {were slain: Heb. died}
A dude from Benjamin bolted out of the army and showed up at Shiloh the same day, clothes ripped and dust on his head.
And there ran a man of Benjamin out of the army, and came to Shiloh the same day with his clothes rent, and with earth upon his head.
Eli was lounging on a seat by the road, watching, because he was worried about the ark of God. When the guy entered the city and dropped the news, everyone flipped out.
And when he came, lo, Eli sat upon a seat by the wayside watching: for his heart trembled for the ark of God. And when the man came into the city, and told {it}, all the city cried out.
Eli heard all the ruckus and was like, "What’s with all this madness?" The guy rushed in and filled Eli in.
And when Eli heard the noise of the crying, he said, What {meaneth} the noise of this tumult? And the man came in hastily, and told Eli.
Eli was 98 years old, and his eyesight was super bad, so he couldn’t see anything.
Now Eli was ninety and eight years old; and his eyes were dim, that he could not see. {were dim: Heb. stood}
The man told Eli, "I just came from the army, and I bailed today." Eli was like, "What’s going down, my dude?"
And the man said unto Eli, I {am} he that came out of the army, and I fled to day out of the army. And he said, What is there done, my son? {is...: Heb. is the thing}
The messenger replied, "Israel dipped from the Philistines, and it was a major slaughter. Your two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God got taken."
And the messenger answered and said, Israel is fled before the Philistines, and there hath been also a great slaughter among the people, and thy two sons also, Hophni and Phinehas, are dead, and the ark of God is taken.
As soon as he mentioned the ark of God, Eli fell off his seat backwards by the gate, broke his neck, and died—dude was old and heavy. He had been judging Israel for forty years.
And it came to pass, when he made mention of the ark of God, that he fell from off the seat backward by the side of the gate, and his neck brake, and he died: for he was an old man, and heavy. And he had judged Israel forty years.
Eli's daughter-in-law, Phinehas' wife, was about to give birth. When she heard that the ark was taken and her father-in-law and husband were gone, she went into labor, feeling all the pain.
And his daughter in law, Phinehas' wife, was with child, {near} to be delivered: and when she heard the tidings that the ark of God was taken, and that her father in law and her husband were dead, she bowed herself and travailed; for her pains came upon her. {be delivered: or, cry out} {came: Heb. were turned}
Right before she passed, the women around her were like, "Don’t stress, you just had a son!" But she didn’t respond or care.
And about the time of her death the women that stood by her said unto her, Fear not; for thou hast born a son. But she answered not, neither did she regard {it}. {neither...: Heb. set not her heart}
She named the baby I–chabod, saying, "The glory has left Israel because the ark of God was taken and because of her father-in-law and husband."
And she named the child Ichabod, saying, The glory is departed from Israel: because the ark of God was taken, and because of her father in law and her husband. {Ichabod: that is, Where is the glory? or, There is no glory}
She said, "The glory has left Israel; the ark of God is gone."
And she said, The glory is departed from Israel: for the ark of God is taken.