1 Samuel Chapter 27
So David was like, "I’m gonna get wrecked by Saul one day. Best move? Dip to the Philistines, and Saul will totally stop searching for me. No cap."
And David said in his heart, I shall now perish one day by the hand of Saul: {there is} nothing better for me than that I should speedily escape into the land of the Philistines; and Saul shall despair of me, to seek me any more in any coast of Israel: so shall I escape out of his hand. {perish: Heb. be consumed}
David straight up grabbed his 600 homies and bounced to Achish, the king of Gath.
And David arose, and he passed over with the six hundred men that {were} with him unto Achish, the son of Maoch, king of Gath.
He kicked it with Achish in Gath, rolling in with his whole squad, including his two wives, Ahinoam and Abigail.
And David dwelt with Achish at Gath, he and his men, every man with his household, {even} David with his two wives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the Carmelitess, Nabal's wife.
When Saul peeped that David was in Gath, he was like, "Nah, I’m done searching for that dude."
And it was told Saul that David was fled to Gath: and he sought no more again for him.
David hit up Achish, saying, "If I vibe with you, can I score a crib in a town? Why should I stick around in your royal city?"
And David said unto Achish, If I have now found grace in thine eyes, let them give me a place in some town in the country, that I may dwell there: for why should thy servant dwell in the royal city with thee?
Achish was like, "Bet, you can crash at Ziklag," and that’s how Ziklag became a spot for Judah’s kings.
Then Achish gave him Ziklag that day: wherefore Ziklag pertaineth unto the kings of Judah unto this day.
David was vibing in Philistine territory for a solid year and four months, no joke.
And the time that David dwelt in the country of the Philistines was a full year and four months. {the time: Heb. the number of days} {a full year: Heb. a year of days}
He and his crew went all out, hitting up the Geshurites, Gezrites, and Amalekites, 'cause those were the OGs of the land, rolling towards Egypt.
And David and his men went up, and invaded the Geshurites, and the Gezrites, and the Amalekites: for those {nations were} of old the inhabitants of the land, as thou goest to Shur, even unto the land of Egypt. {Gezrites: or, Gerzites}
David took out everyone and snagged all the livestock and clothes, then bounced back to Achish.
And David smote the land, and left neither man nor woman alive, and took away the sheep, and the oxen, and the asses, and the camels, and the apparel, and returned, and came to Achish.
Achish asked, "What’s good? Where you been today?" and David replied, "Just cruising through the south of Judah and the Jerahmeelites."
And Achish said, Whither have ye made a road to day? And David said, Against the south of Judah, and against the south of the Jerahmeelites, and against the south of the Kenites. {Whither...: or, Did you not make a road, etc}
David left no one breathing to spill the tea in Gath, saying, "I can’t let them snitch on us, saying this is how David does his thing."
And David saved neither man nor woman alive, to bring {tidings} to Gath, saying, Lest they should tell on us, saying, So did David, and so {will be} his manner all the while he dwelleth in the country of the Philistines.
Achish bought into it, thinking, "David’s made his people totally despise him, so he’s my ride or die forever."
And Achish believed David, saying, He hath made his people Israel utterly to abhor him; therefore he shall be my servant for ever. {utterly...: Heb. to stink}