1 Samuel Chapter 26
The Ziphites pulled up on Saul in Gibeah, asking, "Ayo, isn’t David hanging out in the hill of Hachilah, near Jeshimon?"
And the Ziphites came unto Saul to Gibeah, saying, Doth not David hide himself in the hill of Hachilah, {which is} before Jeshimon?
So Saul got up and bounced to the wilderness of Ziph with three thousand of his top homies to hunt down David.
Then Saul arose, and went down to the wilderness of Ziph, having three thousand chosen men of Israel with him, to seek David in the wilderness of Ziph.
Saul pitched his camp in the hill of Hachilah, but David was still out in the wild and peeped that Saul was coming for him.
And Saul pitched in the hill of Hachilah, which {is} before Jeshimon, by the way. But David abode in the wilderness, and he saw that Saul came after him into the wilderness.
David sent out some scouts and figured out for real that Saul was on the move.
David therefore sent out spies, and understood that Saul was come in very deed.
David slid over to where Saul was camping and spotted Saul laid out, with Abner, the captain, chilling nearby, while Saul was in the trench.
And David arose, and came to the place where Saul had pitched: and David beheld the place where Saul lay, and Abner the son of Ner, the captain of his host: and Saul lay in the trench, and the people pitched round about him. {trench: or, midst of his carriages}
Then David asked Ahimelech the Hittite and Abishai, Joab's bro, "Who’s down to roll with me to Saul's camp?" Abishai was like, "I’m in, no cap."
Then answered David and said to Ahimelech the Hittite, and to Abishai the son of Zeruiah, brother to Joab, saying, Who will go down with me to Saul to the camp? And Abishai said, I will go down with thee.
So David and Abishai crept up on the crew at night: Saul was knocked out in the trench, spear stuck in the ground, while Abner and the crew were all around him.
So David and Abishai came to the people by night: and, behold, Saul lay sleeping within the trench, and his spear stuck in the ground at his bolster: but Abner and the people lay round about him.
Abishai was hype and said to David, "God’s totally dropped your enemy in your lap today; let me just take him out with the spear, one shot, one kill."
Then said Abishai to David, God hath delivered thine enemy into thine hand this day: now therefore let me smite him, I pray thee, with the spear even to the earth at once, and I will not {smite} him the second time. {delivered: Heb. shut up}
But David was like, "Hold up, don’t do it! Who can mess with the Lord’s anointed and not catch heat?"
And David said to Abishai, Destroy him not: for who can stretch forth his hand against the LORD'S anointed, and be guiltless?
David added, "As the Lord lives, He’ll deal with Saul; either his time will come or he’ll go down in battle."
David said furthermore, {As} the LORD liveth, the LORD shall smite him; or his day shall come to die; or he shall descend into battle, and perish.
David was like, "No chance I’m touching the Lord’s anointed. But grab the spear and the water jug, and let’s bounce outta here."
The LORD forbid that I should stretch forth mine hand against the LORD'S anointed: but, I pray thee, take thou now the spear that {is} at his bolster, and the cruse of water, and let us go.
So David snagged the spear and water jug from Saul and dipped, and no one peeped or woke up because they were all in a deep sleep from the Lord.
So David took the spear and the cruse of water from Saul's bolster; and they gat them away, and no man saw {it}, nor knew {it}, neither awaked: for they {were} all asleep; because a deep sleep from the LORD was fallen upon them.
Then David crossed over to the other side and stood on a hill far away, keeping a solid distance between them.
Then David went over to the other side, and stood on the top of an hill afar off; a great space {being} between them:
David shouted to the people and to Abner, "Yo, Abner, you gonna respond or nah?" Abner was like, "Who’s calling out to the king?"
And David cried to the people, and to Abner the son of Ner, saying, Answerest thou not, Abner? Then Abner answered and said, Who {art} thou {that} criest to the king?
David said to Abner, "Aren’t you a real one? Who’s got your game like you in Israel? Why didn’t you watch the king? Someone tried to take him out!"
And David said to Abner, {Art} not thou a {valiant} man? and who {is} like to thee in Israel? wherefore then hast thou not kept thy lord the king? for there came one of the people in to destroy the king thy lord.
"What you did ain’t right. As the Lord lives, you deserve to catch some heat for not watching your master, the Lord’s anointed. Peep where the king's spear and water jug went!"
This thing {is} not good that thou hast done. {As} the LORD liveth, ye {are} worthy to die, because ye have not kept your master, the LORD'S anointed. And now see where the king's spear {is}, and the cruse of water that {was} at his bolster. {worthy to die: Heb. the sons of death}
Saul recognized David’s voice and was like, "Is that you, my son David?" David replied, "Yup, it’s me, my lord, O king."
And Saul knew David's voice, and said, {Is} this thy voice, my son David? And David said, {It is} my voice, my lord, O king.
Saul asked, "Why you chasing your servant? What did I do? What’s the tea?"
And he said, Wherefore doth my lord thus pursue after his servant? for what have I done? or what evil {is} in mine hand?
David said, "Let the king hear me out. If the Lord’s got issues with me, let Him accept a gift; but if it’s just people stirring up drama, curse them before the Lord for kicking me out from the Lord's vibe."
Now therefore, I pray thee, let my lord the king hear the words of his servant. If the LORD have stirred thee up against me, let him accept an offering: but if {they be} the children of men, cursed {be} they before the LORD; for they have driven me out this day from abiding in the inheritance of the LORD, saying, Go, serve other gods. {accept: Heb. smell} {abiding: Heb. cleaving}
"So don’t let my blood hit the ground in front of the Lord; it’s wild that the king of Israel is out here hunting a flea, like chasing a partridge in the mountains."
Now therefore, let not my blood fall to the earth before the face of the LORD: for the king of Israel is come out to seek a flea, as when one doth hunt a partridge in the mountains.
Saul said, "I messed up: come back, my son David; I won’t mess with you anymore, 'cause you’re precious to me today. I’ve been acting like a fool."
Then said Saul, I have sinned: return, my son David: for I will no more do thee harm, because my soul was precious in thine eyes this day: behold, I have played the fool, and have erred exceedingly.
David replied, "Check out the king’s spear! Let one of the young guys come snag it."
And David answered and said, Behold the king's spear! and let one of the young men come over and fetch it.
"The Lord will reward everyone for their game and loyalty; He put you in my hands today, but I wouldn’t touch the Lord’s anointed."
The LORD render to every man his righteousness and his faithfulness: for the LORD delivered thee into {my} hand to day, but I would not stretch forth mine hand against the LORD'S anointed.
"And since your life was valuable in my eyes today, let my life be valuable in the Lord's eyes, and let Him save me from all this chaos."
And, behold, as thy life was much set by this day in mine eyes, so let my life be much set by in the eyes of the LORD, and let him deliver me out of all tribulation.
Then Saul told David, "Bless up, my son David: you’re gonna do great things and keep winning." So David kept it moving, and Saul went back home.
Then Saul said to David, Blessed {be} thou, my son David: thou shalt both do great {things}, and also shalt still prevail. So David went on his way, and Saul returned to his place.