1 Samuel Chapter 18
So, after he was done chatting with Saul, Jonathan and David were like best buds, and Jonathan was all about him like fam.
And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.
Saul was like, "Nah, you ain’t bouncing today," and kept David close by.
And Saul took him that day, and would let him go no more home to his father's house.
Jonathan and David were mad tight and made a pact because they loved each other like their own souls.
Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.
Jonathan was like, "Here, take my swag," and hooked David up with his robe, clothes, sword, bow, and belt.
And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that {was} upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle.
David was out here doing his thing wherever Saul sent him, and he played it smart. Saul was like, "You’re my go-to guy for war now," and everyone was vibing with David, even Saul's crew.
And David went out whithersoever Saul sent him, {and} behaved himself wisely: and Saul set him over the men of war, and he was accepted in the sight of all the people, and also in the sight of Saul's servants. {behaved...: or, prospered}
When David rolled back from taking out the Philistine, the ladies from all over Israel were singing and dancing to welcome King Saul, bringing all the good energy.
And it came to pass as they came, when David was returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, that the women came out of all cities of Israel, singing and dancing, to meet king Saul, with tabrets, with joy, and with instruments of musick. {Philistine: or, Philistines} {instruments...: Heb. three stringed instruments}
The ladies were hyping each other up, saying, "Saul took down thousands, but David? He’s got mad thousands!"
And the women answered {one another} as they played, and said, Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.
Saul was mad salty and wasn’t feeling the hype; he was like, "They’re hyping David up, and I’m here with my thousands. What’s next for him, the whole kingdom?"
And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed {but} thousands: and {what} can he have more but the kingdom? {displeased him: Heb. was evil in his eyes}
From that moment on, Saul was low-key watching David, for sure sus vibes.
And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.
The next day, a wicked spirit hit Saul, and he was prophesying in the crib while David was playing like usual, and Saul had his javelin ready to throw.
And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and {there was} a javelin in Saul's hand.
Saul threw the javelin, like, "I’m about to take out David, no cap." But David dodged that not once but twice, straight-up savage.
And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall {with it}. And David avoided out of his presence twice.
Saul was shook of David, 'cause the Lord was vibing with him and dipped on Saul.
And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul.
So Saul flipped the script, made David captain over a thousand; he was out there flexing in front of everyone.
Therefore Saul removed him from him, and made him his captain over a thousand; and he went out and came in before the people.
David was straight-up smart in all his moves; the Lord was rolling with him.
And David behaved himself wisely in all his ways; and the LORD {was} with him. {behaved...: or, prospered}
When Saul peeped how clever David was, he got real sus.
Wherefore when Saul saw that he behaved himself very wisely, he was afraid of him.
But all of Israel and Judah were lowkey fanboying over David, 'cause he was out there showing up for them.
But all Israel and Judah loved David, because he went out and came in before them.
Saul hit David with, "Yo, check it, my oldest daughter Merab is yours if you step up and fight for the Lord. Just know, I’m not taking you out; let the Philistines handle that mess."
And Saul said to David, Behold my elder daughter Merab, her will I give thee to wife: only be thou valiant for me, and fight the LORD'S battles. For Saul said, Let not mine hand be upon him, but let the hand of the Philistines be upon him. {valiant: Heb. a son of valour}
David replied, "Who am I? What’s my life or my fam in Israel that I should be the king’s son-in-law?"
And David said unto Saul, Who {am} I? and what {is} my life, {or} my father's family in Israel, that I should be son in law to the king?
But when it was time for Merab to be given to David, she ended up marrying Adriel the Meholathite instead.
But it came to pass at the time when Merab Saul's daughter should have been given to David, that she was given unto Adriel the Meholathite to wife.
Michal, Saul's daughter, had mad feelings for David; they told Saul, and he was totally on board.
And Michal Saul's daughter loved David: and they told Saul, and the thing pleased him. {pleased him: Heb. was right in his eyes}
Saul was like, "Bet, I’ll hook him up with her to trap him, and the Philistines will come after him. So, David, you’re gonna be my son-in-law today, no cap."
And Saul said, I will give him her, that she may be a snare to him, and that the hand of the Philistines may be against him. Wherefore Saul said to David, Thou shalt this day be my son in law in {the one of} the twain.
Saul told his crew, "Yo, go chat with David lowkey and say, 'The king’s vibin’ with you, and all his homies love you. So, why not be the king's son-in-law?'"
And Saul commanded his servants, {saying}, Commune with David secretly, and say, Behold, the king hath delight in thee, and all his servants love thee: now therefore be the king's son in law.
Saul's homies dropped that on David, and he was like, "Y’all think it’s cool to be a king’s son-in-law when I’m just a broke dude with no rizz?"
And Saul's servants spake those words in the ears of David. And David said, Seemeth it to you {a} light {thing} to be a king's son in law, seeing that I {am} a poor man, and lightly esteemed?
Saul's crew told him what David said.
And the servants of Saul told him, saying, On this manner spake David. {On...: Heb. According to these words}
Saul was like, "Here’s what you tell David: The king wants no dowry, just a hundred foreskins from the Philistines to settle the score with my enemies. But for real, I’m just trying to set him up to flop."
And Saul said, Thus shall ye say to David, The king desireth not any dowry, but an hundred foreskins of the Philistines, to be avenged of the king's enemies. But Saul thought to make David fall by the hand of the Philistines.
When his crew told David this, he was hyped to become the king’s son-in-law, and the deadline wasn’t up yet.
And when his servants told David these words, it pleased David well to be the king's son in law: and the days were not expired. {expired: Heb. fulfilled}
So, David got his crew together and took out two hundred Philistines; he brought their foreskins back and gave them to the king to secure his spot as son-in-law. Saul then gave him Michal, his daughter, as a wife.
Wherefore David arose and went, he and his men, and slew of the Philistines two hundred men; and David brought their foreskins, and they gave them in full tale to the king, that he might be the king's son in law. And Saul gave him Michal his daughter to wife.
Saul peeped that the Lord was with David and that Michal, his daughter, was totally into him.
And Saul saw and knew that the LORD {was} with David, and {that} Michal Saul's daughter loved him.
Saul got even more shook of David; he became David’s real enemy.
And Saul was yet the more afraid of David; and Saul became David's enemy continually.
Then the Philistine chiefs rolled out, and after they left, David played it smarter than all of Saul’s crew, so everyone was vibing with his name.
Then the princes of the Philistines went forth: and it came to pass, after they went forth, {that} David behaved himself more wisely than all the servants of Saul; so that his name was much set by. {set by: Heb. precious}