1 Samuel Chapter 17
The Philistine crew rolled up with their entire squad ready to throw down, chillin' at Shochoh, which is in Judah's territory, camped out between Shochoh and Azekah at Ephes-dammim.
Now the Philistines gathered together their armies to battle, and were gathered together at Shochoh, which {belongeth} to Judah, and pitched between Shochoh and Azekah, in Ephesdammim. {Ephesdammim: or, the coast of Dammim, called Pasdammim}
Saul and the Israel crew gathered, setting up camp by the Elah valley, getting their battle vibes on against the Philistines.
And Saul and the men of Israel were gathered together, and pitched by the valley of Elah, and set the battle in array against the Philistines. {set...: Heb. ranged the battle}
One mountain had the Philistines chillin', while Israel was on the opposite side; there was a whole valley just sitting between them.
And the Philistines stood on a mountain on the one side, and Israel stood on a mountain on the other side: and {there was} a valley between them.
Then this giant named Goliath from Gath stepped outta the Philistine camp, dude was like six cubits tall, no cap.
And there went out a champion out of the camp of the Philistines, named Goliath, of Gath, whose height {was} six cubits and a span.
He was sporting a brass helmet and a dope coat of mail that weighed about five thousand shekels of brass, fr.
And {he had} an helmet of brass upon his head, and he {was} armed with a coat of mail; and the weight of the coat {was} five thousand shekels of brass. {armed: Heb. clothed}
Goliath had brass greaves on his legs and a brass shield chillin' on his shoulders.
And {he had} greaves of brass upon his legs, and a target of brass between his shoulders. {target: or, gorget}
His spear was like a giant beam, and the tip weighed six hundred shekels of iron, plus a dude with a shield was flexing in front of him.
And the staff of his spear {was} like a weaver's beam; and his spear's head {weighed} six hundred shekels of iron: and one bearing a shield went before him.
So he stood there and shouted at the Israel crew, asking why they showed up to fight. He was like, "Aren't I a Philistine? You guys are Saul's servants. Send someone to come at me."
And he stood and cried unto the armies of Israel, and said unto them, Why are ye come out to set {your} battle in array? {am} not I a Philistine, and ye servants to Saul? choose you a man for you, and let him come down to me.
If your guy can take me down, we'll be your servants, but if I win, y'all gotta serve us.
If he be able to fight with me, and to kill me, then will we be your servants: but if I prevail against him, and kill him, then shall ye be our servants, and serve us.
The Philistine was like, "I’m calling out the armies of Israel today; send me a man so we can throw down together."
And the Philistine said, I defy the armies of Israel this day; give me a man, that we may fight together.
When Saul and all Israel heard those words from the Philistine, they were shook and hella scared.
When Saul and all Israel heard those words of the Philistine, they were dismayed, and greatly afraid.
So David was the son of this dude from Bethlehem named Jesse; he had eight sons, and Jesse was like, an old man back in Saul’s day.
Now David {was} the son of that Ephrathite of Bethlehemjudah, whose name {was} Jesse; and he had eight sons: and the man went among men {for} an old man in the days of Saul.
The three oldest sons of Jesse dipped out and followed Saul to the fight: Eliab was the firstborn, then Abinadab, and the third was Shammah.
And the three eldest sons of Jesse went {and} followed Saul to the battle: and the names of his three sons that went to the battle {were} Eliab the firstborn, and next unto him Abinadab, and the third Shammah.
David was the youngest, while the three oldest were rolling with Saul.
And David {was} the youngest: and the three eldest followed Saul.
But David bounced back to tend to his dad’s sheep in Bethlehem.
But David went and returned from Saul to feed his father's sheep at Bethlehem.
The Philistine kept showing up morning and night, flexing for forty days straight.
And the Philistine drew near morning and evening, and presented himself forty days.
Jesse told David, “Yo, take this ephah of grain and ten loaves to your bros at the camp.”
And Jesse said unto David his son, Take now for thy brethren an ephah of this parched {corn}, and these ten loaves, and run to the camp to thy brethren;
Also, bring these ten cheeses to the captain of their squad, check on your bros, and see how they're holding up.
And carry these ten cheeses unto the captain of {their} thousand, and look how thy brethren fare, and take their pledge. {cheeses: Heb. cheeses of milk} {of...: Heb. of a thousand}
Saul and the whole crew were in the valley of Elah, squaring off against the Philistines.
Now Saul, and they, and all the men of Israel, {were} in the valley of Elah, fighting with the Philistines.
David woke up early, left the sheep with a keeper, and dipped, just like Jesse told him; he showed up at the trench while the crew was gearing up for battle, shouting for the fight.
And David rose up early in the morning, and left the sheep with a keeper, and took, and went, as Jesse had commanded him; and he came to the trench, as the host was going forth to the fight, and shouted for the battle. {trench: or, place of the carriage} {fight: or, battle array, or, place of fight}
Israel and the Philistines were hyped and ready to face off, army against army. Vibes were high.
For Israel and the Philistines had put the battle in array, army against army.
David dropped his stuff with the homie in charge and ran up to the squad, greeting his bros.
And David left his carriage in the hand of the keeper of the carriage, and ran into the army, and came and saluted his brethren. {his carriage: Heb. the vessels from upon him} {saluted...: Heb. asked his brethren of peace}
While he was chatting, boom! Goliath, the Philistine champ, rolled up and started talking trash, and David was all ears.
And as he talked with them, behold, there came up the champion, the Philistine of Gath, Goliath by name, out of the armies of the Philistines, and spake according to the same words: and David heard {them}.
All the guys from Israel saw Goliath and dipped out, straight-up terrified. No cap.
And all the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him, and were sore afraid. {from...: Heb. from his face}
The Israelites were like, "Yo, have you spotted this dude? He’s here to take us out! Whoever defeats him gets mad cash, the king's daughter, and their fam gets VIP status in Israel."
And the men of Israel said, Have ye seen this man that is come up? surely to defy Israel is he come up: and it shall be, {that} the man who killeth him, the king will enrich him with great riches, and will give him his daughter, and make his father's house free in Israel.
David asked the crew nearby, "What’s the prize for the guy who drops this Philistine and clears our name? Who's this uncircumcised dude trying to roast the armies of the living God?"
And David spake to the men that stood by him, saying, What shall be done to the man that killeth this Philistine, and taketh away the reproach from Israel? for who {is} this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?
The people responded, "Yeah, that’s what’ll happen to the guy who takes him out."
And the people answered him after this manner, saying, So shall it be done to the man that killeth him.
Eliab, David’s older bro, heard him talking and got mad, saying, "Why you even here? Who's watching those sheep? I see your pride and your sus heart; you just wanna catch the fight."
And Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spake unto the men; and Eliab's anger was kindled against David, and he said, Why camest thou down hither? and with whom hast thou left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know thy pride, and the naughtiness of thine heart; for thou art come down that thou mightest see the battle.
David was like, "What did I do? Isn’t there a reason for me to be here?"
And David said, What have I now done? {Is there} not a cause?
He turned to someone else and asked the same question, and the crowd answered him again like before.
And he turned from him toward another, and spake after the same manner: and the people answered him again after the former manner. {manner: Heb. word}
So when the squad caught wind of what David was saying, they went and told Saul, and he was like, "Bring him here."
And when the words were heard which David spake, they rehearsed {them} before Saul: and he sent for him. {sent...: Heb. took him}
David was like, "No cap, don’t let anyone be shook. I’ll go and take on this Philistine."
And David said to Saul, Let no man's heart fail because of him; thy servant will go and fight with this Philistine.
Saul was like, "Bro, you can’t fight this Philistine. You’re just a kid, and he’s been a beast warrior forever."
And Saul said to David, Thou art not able to go against this Philistine to fight with him: for thou {art but} a youth, and he a man of war from his youth.
David said, "I’ve been out here watching my dad’s sheep, and one time a lion and a bear rolled up and snatched a lamb."
And David said unto Saul, Thy servant kept his father's sheep, and there came a lion, and a bear, and took a lamb out of the flock: {lamb: or, kid}
"I went after them, popped off, and rescued the lamb. When they came at me, I grabbed them by the beard and took them down."
And I went out after him, and smote him, and delivered {it} out of his mouth: and when he arose against me, I caught {him} by his beard, and smote him, and slew him.
"I’ve taken out both the lion and the bear, and this uncircumcised Philistine is gonna be just like them, 'cause he’s dissing the armies of the living God."
Thy servant slew both the lion and the bear: and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, seeing he hath defied the armies of the living God.
David added, "The Lord who saved me from the lion and the bear will totally handle this Philistine." Saul was like, "Aight, go for it, and may the Lord have your back."
David said moreover, The LORD that delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, he will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said unto David, Go, and the LORD be with thee.
Saul suited David up with his armor and put a brass helmet on his head; he also hooked him up with a coat of mail.
And Saul armed David with his armour, and he put an helmet of brass upon his head; also he armed him with a coat of mail. {armed David...: Heb. clothed David with his clothes}
David strapped on the sword over his armor and tried to walk, but he was like, "Nah, I can’t roll with this; I haven’t tested it out." So he took it all off.
And David girded his sword upon his armour, and he assayed to go; for he had not proved {it}. And David said unto Saul, I cannot go with these; for I have not proved {them}. And David put them off him.
He grabbed his staff, picked five smooth stones from the stream, tossed them in his shepherd’s bag, and took his sling in hand, getting prepped to face the Philistine.
And he took his staff in his hand, and chose him five smooth stones out of the brook, and put them in a shepherd's bag which he had, even in a scrip; and his sling {was} in his hand: and he drew near to the Philistine. {brook: or, valley} {bag: Heb. vessel}
The Philistine rolled up on David, and the dude with the shield was leading the way.
And the Philistine came on and drew near unto David; and the man that bare the shield {went} before him.
When the Philistine peeped David, he was like, "Nah, this kid?" Dude was just a young buck, kinda fresh-faced.
And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was {but} a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance.
The Philistine was all, "You think I'm a dog? You come at me with sticks?" Then he threw some shade at David with his gods.
And the Philistine said unto David, {Am} I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves? And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
The Philistine said to David, "Come at me, and I’ll feed your flesh to the birds and beasts."
And the Philistine said to David, Come to me, and I will give thy flesh unto the fowls of the air, and to the beasts of the field.
David shot back, "You come at me with a sword and spear, but I’m rolling up in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, who you just dissed."
Then said David to the Philistine, Thou comest to me with a sword, and with a spear, and with a shield: but I come to thee in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom thou hast defied.
"Today, the Lord’s gonna hand you over to me; I'm gonna take you down and serve your crew to the birds and beasts, so everyone knows there’s a God in Israel."
This day will the LORD deliver thee into mine hand; and I will smite thee, and take thine head from thee; and I will give the carcases of the host of the Philistines this day unto the fowls of the air, and to the wild beasts of the earth; that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel. {deliver...: Heb. shut thee up}
Everyone here will see that the Lord doesn’t save with swords and spears; the battle belongs to Him, and He’s got us covered.
And all this assembly shall know that the LORD saveth not with sword and spear: for the battle {is} the LORD'S, and he will give you into our hands.
When the Philistine stood up and charged at David, David was like, "Bet!" and ran straight at him.
And it came to pass, when the Philistine arose, and came and drew nigh to meet David, that David hasted, and ran toward the army to meet the Philistine.
David reached into his bag, grabbed a stone, and flung it right at the Philistine’s forehead; the stone went in deep, and he dropped face-first.
And David put his hand in his bag, and took thence a stone, and slang {it}, and smote the Philistine in his forehead, that the stone sunk into his forehead; and he fell upon his face to the earth.
So David took down the Philistine with just a sling and a stone; he smacked him hard, but David didn't even need a sword.
So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and with a stone, and smote the Philistine, and slew him; but {there was} no sword in the hand of David.
So David ran up, stood on the Philistine, pulled out his sword, and straight up took him out, head and all. The Philistines peaced out when they saw their champ was down.
Therefore David ran, and stood upon the Philistine, and took his sword, and drew it out of the sheath thereof, and slew him, and cut off his head therewith. And when the Philistines saw their champion was dead, they fled.
Then the homies from Israel and Judah popped off, shouted, and chased the Philistines all the way to the valley and the gates of Ekron. The wounded Philistines were dropping like flies on the way to Shaaraim, Gath, and Ekron.
And the men of Israel and of Judah arose, and shouted, and pursued the Philistines, until thou come to the valley, and to the gates of Ekron. And the wounded of the Philistines fell down by the way to Shaaraim, even unto Gath, and unto Ekron.
The kids of Israel bounced back from chasing the Philistines and snagged their stuff.
And the children of Israel returned from chasing after the Philistines, and they spoiled their tents.
David took the Philistine's head and brought it to Jerusalem; he just stashed his armor in his tent.
And David took the head of the Philistine, and brought it to Jerusalem; but he put his armour in his tent.
When Saul peeped David stepping up against the Philistine, he asked Abner, the captain, "Yo, whose son is this kid?" Abner was like, "No cap, I can't even tell, O king."
And when Saul saw David go forth against the Philistine, he said unto Abner, the captain of the host, Abner, whose son {is} this youth? And Abner said, {As} thy soul liveth, O king, I cannot tell.
And the king said, "Find out whose son this young dude is."
And the king said, Enquire thou whose son the stripling {is}.
When David came back from taking out the Philistine, Abner brought him to Saul with the Philistine's head in hand.
And as David returned from the slaughter of the Philistine, Abner took him, and brought him before Saul with the head of the Philistine in his hand.
Saul asked him, "Yo, whose son are you, young man?" David replied, "I’m the son of your servant Jesse from Bethlehem."
And Saul said to him, Whose son {art} thou, {thou} young man? And David answered, I {am} the son of thy servant Jesse the Bethlehemite.