1 Samuel Chapter 16
So the Lord was like to Samuel, "Why you still salty about Saul? I’ve totally rejected him from leading Israel. Grab your horn and bounce over to Jesse the Bethlehemite; I’ve got a king ready from his squad."
And the LORD said unto Samuel, How long wilt thou mourn for Saul, seeing I have rejected him from reigning over Israel? fill thine horn with oil, and go, I will send thee to Jesse the Bethlehemite: for I have provided me a king among his sons.
Samuel was like, "How am I supposed to roll? If Saul catches wind, he’ll legit take me out." And the Lord said, "Bring a heifer along and tell them you’re there to make a sacrifice to me."
And Samuel said, How can I go? if Saul hear {it}, he will kill me. And the LORD said, Take an heifer with thee, and say, I am come to sacrifice to the LORD. {with thee: Heb. in thine hand}
"Invite Jesse to the sacrifice, and I’ll clue you in on what to do: you’re gonna anoint the dude I choose."
And call Jesse to the sacrifice, and I will shew thee what thou shalt do: and thou shalt anoint unto me {him} whom I name unto thee.
Samuel followed the Lord’s command and cruised into Bethlehem. The town elders were straight up shook and asked, "You coming in peace or what?"
And Samuel did that which the LORD spake, and came to Bethlehem. And the elders of the town trembled at his coming, and said, Comest thou peaceably? {coming: Heb. meeting}
He answered, "Yep, I’m here for a peace offering to the Lord. Get ready and roll with me." He got Jesse and his sons prepped for the sacrifice.
And he said, Peaceably: I am come to sacrifice unto the LORD: sanctify yourselves, and come with me to the sacrifice. And he sanctified Jesse and his sons, and called them to the sacrifice.
Once they got there, he peeped Eliab and thought, "This has gotta be the Lord's pick."
And it came to pass, when they were come, that he looked on Eliab, and said, Surely the LORD'S anointed {is} before him. {Eliab: called Elihu}
But the Lord told Samuel, "Don’t judge by how he looks or his height; I’ve passed on him. God checks the heart, not just what’s on the surface."
But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for {the LORD seeth} not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart. {outward...: Heb. eyes}
Next, Jesse brought Abinadab by, and Samuel said, "Not this one either."
Then Jesse called Abinadab, and made him pass before Samuel. And he said, Neither hath the LORD chosen this.
Then Jesse brought Shammah by, and Samuel was like, "Not this one either."
Then Jesse made Shammah to pass by. And he said, Neither hath the LORD chosen this. {Shammah: Shimeah, also called, Shimma}
Jesse had all seven of his sons pass by, and Samuel told him, "God hasn’t picked any of these."
Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath not chosen these.
Samuel asked Jesse, "Are these all your kids?" Jesse said, "There’s the youngest, but he’s out with the sheep." Samuel replied, "Go get him; we ain’t sitting until he shows up."
And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here all {thy} children? And he said, There remaineth yet the youngest, and, behold, he keepeth the sheep. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he come hither. {down: Heb. round}
So Jesse sent for him. He was ruddy and had a chill vibe. The Lord said, "Get up and anoint him; this is the one."
And he sent, and brought him in. Now he {was} ruddy, {and} withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this {is} he. {of a...: Heb. fair of eyes}
Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him right there in front of his bros. The Spirit of the Lord came on David from that day forward, and Samuel dipped back to Ramah.
Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah.
But the Spirit of the Lord left Saul, and a sus spirit from the Lord started messing with him.
But the Spirit of the LORD departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD troubled him. {troubled: or, terrified}
Saul’s servants said to him, "Yo, an evil spirit from God is tripping you out."
And Saul's servants said unto him, Behold now, an evil spirit from God troubleth thee.
"Let’s find someone who can drop some sick beats on the harp. When that spirit comes at you, he’ll play, and you’ll vibe better."
Let our lord now command thy servants, {which are} before thee, to seek out a man, {who is} a cunning player on an harp: and it shall come to pass, when the evil spirit from God is upon thee, that he shall play with his hand, and thou shalt be well.
Saul told his servants, "Find me a dope player and bring him here."
And Saul said unto his servants, Provide me now a man that can play well, and bring {him} to me.
One of the servants said, "I’ve seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite; he’s got mad talent, a brave warrior, and the Lord is with him."
Then answered one of the servants, and said, Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, {that is} cunning in playing, and a mighty valiant man, and a man of war, and prudent in matters, and a comely person, and the LORD {is} with him. {matters: or, speech}
So Saul sent messengers to Jesse, saying, "Send me David, your son, who’s chilling with the sheep."
Wherefore Saul sent messengers unto Jesse, and said, Send me David thy son, which {is} with the sheep.
Jesse packed a donkey with bread, wine, and a goat, and sent it with David to Saul.
And Jesse took an ass {laden} with bread, and a bottle of wine, and a kid, and sent {them} by David his son unto Saul.
David showed up to Saul and stood before him; Saul really liked him and made him his armor-bearer.
And David came to Saul, and stood before him: and he loved him greatly; and he became his armourbearer.
Saul shot a message to Jesse, saying, "Let David chill with me; he’s got mad favor in my eyes."
And Saul sent to Jesse, saying, Let David, I pray thee, stand before me; for he hath found favour in my sight.
When the evil spirit from God was on Saul, David picked up a harp and played. Saul felt refreshed and solid, and the evil spirit left him.
And it came to pass, when the {evil} spirit from God was upon Saul, that David took an harp, and played with his hand: so Saul was refreshed, and was well, and the evil spirit departed from him.