1 Samuel Chapter 14
So one day, Jonathan, Saul's kid, was like, "Yo, let's bounce over to the Philistine crew on the other side." But he kept it low-key from his pops, no cap.
Now it came to pass upon a day, that Jonathan the son of Saul said unto the young man that bare his armour, Come, and let us go over to the Philistines' garrison, that {is} on the other side. But he told not his father. {it came...: or, there was a day}
Saul was just chilling at the very edge of Gibeah under a pomegranate tree in Migron, vibing with around six hundred peeps.
And Saul tarried in the uttermost part of Gibeah under a pomegranate tree which {is} in Migron: and the people that {were} with him {were} about six hundred men;
Ahiah, son of Ahitub and Eli’s priest in Shiloh, was rocking an ephod. The squad had no idea Jonathan was gone.
And Ahiah, the son of Ahitub, Ichabod's brother, the son of Phinehas, the son of Eli, the LORD'S priest in Shiloh, wearing an ephod. And the people knew not that Jonathan was gone. {Ahiah: called Ahimelech}
There were some sharp rocks on each side where Jonathan wanted to cross to the Philistines’ crew; one was named Bozez and the other Seneh, for real.
And between the passages, by which Jonathan sought to go over unto the Philistines' garrison, {there was} a sharp rock on the one side, and a sharp rock on the other side: and the name of the one {was} Bozez, and the name of the other Seneh.
One rock faced north towards Michmash, while the other looked south towards Gibeah, just chilling in the middle.
The forefront of the one {was} situate northward over against Michmash, and the other southward over against Gibeah. {forefront: Heb. tooth}
Jonathan told his armor-bearer, "Let’s roll up on those uncircumcised fools; maybe the Lord's got our backs, since He can save with a crew or just a couple of us."
And Jonathan said to the young man that bare his armour, Come, and let us go over unto the garrison of these uncircumcised: it may be that the LORD will work for us: for {there is} no restraint to the LORD to save by many or by few.
His armor-bearer was like, "Do your thing, fam; I'm down for whatever you wanna do."
And his armourbearer said unto him, Do all that {is} in thine heart: turn thee; behold, I {am} with thee according to thy heart.
Then Jonathan said, "Aight, we’ll show ourselves to these peeps."
Then said Jonathan, Behold, we will pass over unto {these} men, and we will discover ourselves unto them.
If they say, "Hold up until we come to you," we'll chill and not go to them, no cap.
If they say thus unto us, Tarry until we come to you; then we will stand still in our place, and will not go up unto them. {Tarry: Heb. Be still}
But if they say, "Come up to us," then we’ll roll up, 'cause the Lord’s got them in our hands, and that’ll be our sign.
But if they say thus, Come up unto us; then we will go up: for the LORD hath delivered them into our hand: and this {shall be} a sign unto us.
So both of them popped out to the Philistine squad, and they were like, "Yo, look, the Hebrews are crawling outta their hiding spots."
And both of them discovered themselves unto the garrison of the Philistines: and the Philistines said, Behold, the Hebrews come forth out of the holes where they had hid themselves.
The Philistines were like, "Yo, come up here, we got something to show you." Jonathan told his homie, "Bet, let's roll up, 'cause the Lord's got our backs."
And the men of the garrison answered Jonathan and his armourbearer, and said, Come up to us, and we will shew you a thing. And Jonathan said unto his armourbearer, Come up after me: for the LORD hath delivered them into the hand of Israel.
Jonathan climbed up on all fours, and his armor-bearer followed; they completely wiped out the Philistine crew, and his homie got in on the action.
And Jonathan climbed up upon his hands and upon his feet, and his armourbearer after him: and they fell before Jonathan; and his armourbearer slew after him.
That first takeout by Jonathan and his armor-bearer was like twenty dudes, in a spot that’s not even that big, like maybe a half acre—no cap.
And that first slaughter, which Jonathan and his armourbearer made, was about twenty men, within as it were an half acre of land, {which} a yoke {of oxen might plow}. {an...: or, half a furrow of an acre of land}
Everyone was shook in the camp, in the fields, and all the peeps were trembling; even the Philistines were spooked, and the earth was shaking—straight up wild.
And there was trembling in the host, in the field, and among all the people: the garrison, and the spoilers, they also trembled, and the earth quaked: so it was a very great trembling. {a very...: Heb. a trembling of God}
Saul's lookout in Gibeah of Benjamin peeped the scene; they saw the crowd was losing it and fighting each other.
And the watchmen of Saul in Gibeah of Benjamin looked; and, behold, the multitude melted away, and they went on beating down {one another}.
Saul told his crew, "Count up and see who dipped on us." When they checked, it was clear—Jonathan and his armor-bearer were MIA.
Then said Saul unto the people that {were} with him, Number now, and see who is gone from us. And when they had numbered, behold, Jonathan and his armourbearer {were} not {there}.
Saul told Ahiah, "Bring the ark of God here." The ark was chilling with the Israelites at that time.
And Saul said unto Ahiah, Bring hither the ark of God. For the ark of God was at that time with the children of Israel.
While Saul was talking to the priest, the noise from the Philistine camp got louder, and Saul told the priest, "Yo, pull back your hand."
And it came to pass, while Saul talked unto the priest, that the noise that {was} in the host of the Philistines went on and increased: and Saul said unto the priest, Withdraw thine hand. {noise: or, tumult}
Saul and the whole crew rolled up to the battle, and it was pure chaos—everyone was just fighting each other, and it was a complete mess.
And Saul and all the people that {were} with him assembled themselves, and they came to the battle: and, behold, every man's sword was against his fellow, {and there was} a very great discomfiture. {assembled...: Heb. were cried together}
So, like, the Hebrews chilling with the Philistines before all this, they bounced back to join Saul and Jonathan’s crew.
Moreover the Hebrews {that} were with the Philistines before that time, which went up with them into the camp {from the country} round about, even they also {turned} to be with the Israelites that {were} with Saul and Jonathan.
All the dudes in Israel hiding in Ephraim heard the Philistines were dipping, so they straight up chased after them in the battle.
Likewise all the men of Israel which had hid themselves in mount Ephraim, {when} they heard that the Philistines fled, even they also followed hard after them in the battle.
The Lord came through for Israel that day, and the battle shifted to Beth-aven.
So the LORD saved Israel that day: and the battle passed over unto Bethaven.
But the Israelites were feeling the pressure that day, ‘cause Saul was like, "No one eat until evening, I need revenge on my enemies." So nobody snacked.
And the men of Israel were distressed that day: for Saul had adjured the people, saying, Cursed {be} the man that eateth {any} food until evening, that I may be avenged on mine enemies. So none of the people tasted {any} food.
Everyone from the land rolled up to a forest, and there was honey just chilling on the ground.
And all {they of} the land came to a wood; and there was honey upon the ground.
When the people got to the woods, the honey was dripping, but nobody touched it ‘cause they were scared of the oath.
And when the people were come into the wood, behold, the honey dropped; but no man put his hand to his mouth: for the people feared the oath.
Jonathan didn’t hear his dad's orders, so he dipped his stick in a honeycomb and took a taste, and his eyes lit up.
But Jonathan heard not when his father charged the people with the oath: wherefore he put forth the end of the rod that {was} in his hand, and dipped it in an honeycomb, and put his hand to his mouth; and his eyes were enlightened.
Then someone was like, "Yo, your dad swore an oath saying cursed is anyone who eats today." And everyone was feeling weak.
Then answered one of the people, and said, Thy father straitly charged the people with an oath, saying, Cursed {be} the man that eateth {any} food this day. And the people were faint. {faint: or, weary}
Jonathan responded, "My dad's messing up the game: look at me, my eyes are lit 'cause I had a taste of that honey."
Then said Jonathan, My father hath troubled the land: see, I pray you, how mine eyes have been enlightened, because I tasted a little of this honey.
Imagine if the people had feasted on the enemies' spoils today; there would’ve been way more Philistines taken out!
How much more, if haply the people had eaten freely to day of the spoil of their enemies which they found? for had there not been now a much greater slaughter among the Philistines?
They straight up took down the Philistines that day from Michmash to Aijalon, and the squad was super tired, no cap.
And they smote the Philistines that day from Michmash to Aijalon: and the people were very faint.
The people went wild for the loot, grabbing sheep, oxen, and calves, then just went ham and ate them right there, blood and all.
And the people flew upon the spoil, and took sheep, and oxen, and calves, and slew {them} on the ground: and the people did eat {them} with the blood.
Then they told Saul, "Yo, the people are lowkey sinning against the Lord by eating with the blood." He was like, "Y’all messed up; roll a big stone over here."
Then they told Saul, saying, Behold, the people sin against the LORD, in that they eat with the blood. And he said, Ye have transgressed: roll a great stone unto me this day. {transgressed: or, dealt treacherously}
Saul was like, "Spread out among the people and tell them to bring me their ox and sheep, then slay them here and eat; don’t sin against the Lord by eating with the blood." The people brought their oxen that night and took care of business.
And Saul said, Disperse yourselves among the people, and say unto them, Bring me hither every man his ox, and every man his sheep, and slay {them} here, and eat; and sin not against the LORD in eating with the blood. And all the people brought every man his ox with him that night, and slew {them} there. {with him: Heb. in his hand}
Saul crafted an altar for the Lord; it was the first one he ever made, fr.
And Saul built an altar unto the LORD: the same was the first altar that he built unto the LORD. {the same...: Heb. that altar he began to build unto the LORD}
Saul said, "Let’s roll out after the Philistines tonight and take their stuff until morning; we’re not leaving anyone alive." They were like, "Bet, do what you think is best." Then the priest was like, "Let’s get closer to God."
And Saul said, Let us go down after the Philistines by night, and spoil them until the morning light, and let us not leave a man of them. And they said, Do whatsoever seemeth good unto thee. Then said the priest, Let us draw near hither unto God.
Saul asked God, "Should I go after the Philistines? Will you hand them over to Israel?" But God straight ghosted him that day.
And Saul asked counsel of God, Shall I go down after the Philistines? wilt thou deliver them into the hand of Israel? But he answered him not that day.
Saul was like, "Yo, all the leaders, come here and figure out where this sin is happening today."
And Saul said, Draw ye near hither, all the chief of the people: and know and see wherein this sin hath been this day. {chief: Heb. corners}
"As the Lord lives, who saves Israel, even if it’s my son Jonathan, he’s gonna die for this." But nobody in the crowd said a word.
For, {as} the LORD liveth, which saveth Israel, though it be in Jonathan my son, he shall surely die. But {there was} not a man among all the people {that} answered him.
Then he said to all Israel, "You guys take one side, and me and Jonathan will be on the other." The people told Saul, "Do what you think is right."
Then said he unto all Israel, Be ye on one side, and I and Jonathan my son will be on the other side. And the people said unto Saul, Do what seemeth good unto thee.
So Saul was like, "Yo, God of Israel, make this lot legit." Saul and Jonathan got picked, but the squad dipped.
Therefore Saul said unto the LORD God of Israel, Give a perfect {lot}. And Saul and Jonathan were taken: but the people escaped. {Give...: or, Shew the innocent} {escaped: Heb. went forth}
Saul was like, "Let’s roll the dice between me and my dude Jonathan." And boom, Jonathan got chosen.
And Saul said, Cast {lots} between me and Jonathan my son. And Jonathan was taken.
Then Saul asked Jonathan, "What’s the tea?" Jonathan said, "I just had a lil honey from my stick, and now I’m gonna die, fr."
Then Saul said to Jonathan, Tell me what thou hast done. And Jonathan told him, and said, I did but taste a little honey with the end of the rod that {was} in mine hand, {and}, lo, I must die.
Saul replied, "God better do the same to me, you’re def gonna die, Jonathan."
And Saul answered, God do so and more also: for thou shalt surely die, Jonathan.
The people were like, "Wait, Jonathan can’t die! He just saved Israel, no cap. As long as the Lord’s alive, not a single hair on his head is touching the ground." So they saved Jonathan from getting wrecked.
And the people said unto Saul, Shall Jonathan die, who hath wrought this great salvation in Israel? God forbid: {as} the LORD liveth, there shall not one hair of his head fall to the ground; for he hath wrought with God this day. So the people rescued Jonathan, that he died not.
Then Saul bounced from chasing the Philistines, and they just went back home.
Then Saul went up from following the Philistines: and the Philistines went to their own place.
Saul took control of Israel and fought all the ops, like Moab, the Ammonites, Edom, the kings of Zobah, and the Philistines; wherever he went, he was just a savage.
So Saul took the kingdom over Israel, and fought against all his enemies on every side, against Moab, and against the children of Ammon, and against Edom, and against the kings of Zobah, and against the Philistines: and whithersoever he turned himself, he vexed {them}.
He rallied the troops, took down the Amalekites, and saved Israel from the peeps who were messing with them.
And he gathered an host, and smote the Amalekites, and delivered Israel out of the hands of them that spoiled them. {gathered...: or, wrought mightily}
Saul's sons were Jonathan, Ishui, and Melchi-shua; and his two daughters were Merab, the oldest, and Michal, the youngest.
Now the sons of Saul were Jonathan, and Ishui, and Melchishua: and the names of his two daughters {were these}; the name of the firstborn Merab, and the name of the younger Michal:
Saul's lady was Ahinoam, Ahimaaz's daughter, and his right-hand man was Abner, Ner's son, who was also Saul's uncle.
And the name of Saul's wife {was} Ahinoam, the daughter of Ahimaaz: and the name of the captain of his host {was} Abner, the son of Ner, Saul's uncle. {Abner: Heb. Abiner}
Kish was Saul's pops, and Ner, Abner's dad, was Abiel's son. No cap.
And Kish {was} the father of Saul; and Ner the father of Abner {was} the son of Abiel.
There was mad beef with the Philistines during Saul's reign; whenever Saul spotted a strong or brave dude, he was like, "You're on my squad." Periodt.
And there was sore war against the Philistines all the days of Saul: and when Saul saw any strong man, or any valiant man, he took him unto him.