1 Samuel Chapter 11
So Nahash the Ammonite pulled up and set up shop against Jabesh-gilead, and the dudes there were like, "Ayo, strike a deal with us, and we got your six."
Then Nahash the Ammonite came up, and encamped against Jabeshgilead: and all the men of Jabesh said unto Nahash, Make a covenant with us, and we will serve thee.
Nahash came back with, "I’ll make a deal, but only if I can scoop out all your right eyes, so it’s a whole power move on Israel."
And Nahash the Ammonite answered them, On this {condition} will I make {a covenant} with you, that I may thrust out all your right eyes, and lay it {for} a reproach upon all Israel.
The old heads of Jabesh were like, "Can we get a week to send messengers all over Israel? If nobody rolls through, we’ll come out to you."
And the elders of Jabesh said unto him, Give us seven days' respite, that we may send messengers unto all the coasts of Israel: and then, if {there be} no man to save us, we will come out to thee. {Give...: Heb. Forbear us}
The messengers pulled up at Gibeah where Saul was, and they spilled the deets to the people, who straight-up started crying.
Then came the messengers to Gibeah of Saul, and told the tidings in the ears of the people: and all the people lifted up their voices, and wept.
Then Saul came back from the fields and was like, "What’s up with everyone crying?" They broke down what was popping with Jabesh.
And, behold, Saul came after the herd out of the field; and Saul said, What {aileth} the people that they weep? And they told him the tidings of the men of Jabesh.
When Saul caught the news, the Spirit of God hit him hard, and he got mad real quick.
And the Spirit of God came upon Saul when he heard those tidings, and his anger was kindled greatly.
He grabbed a yoke of oxen, cut them up, and sent pieces all over Israel with the messengers, saying, "Whoever doesn’t roll with Saul and Samuel, this is what’s gonna go down with their oxen." The fear of the Lord hit the people, and they all gathered up.
And he took a yoke of oxen, and hewed them in pieces, and sent {them} throughout all the coasts of Israel by the hands of messengers, saying, Whosoever cometh not forth after Saul and after Samuel, so shall it be done unto his oxen. And the fear of the LORD fell on the people, and they came out with one consent. {with...: Heb. as one man}
When they counted the heads in Bezek, there were three hundred thousand Israelites and thirty thousand from Judah.
And when he numbered them in Bezek, the children of Israel were three hundred thousand, and the men of Judah thirty thousand.
They told the messengers to hit up Jabesh-gilead with, "Tomorrow, when the sun’s blazing, you’ll get backup." The messengers bounced back and told Jabesh, and they were hyped.
And they said unto the messengers that came, Thus shall ye say unto the men of Jabeshgilead, To morrow, by {that time} the sun be hot, ye shall have help. And the messengers came and shewed {it} to the men of Jabesh; and they were glad. {help: or, deliverance}
So the guys from Jabesh were like, "Tomorrow we’ll come out to you, and you can do your thing."
Therefore the men of Jabesh said, To morrow we will come out unto you, and ye shall do with us all that seemeth good unto you.
The next morning, Saul split the crew into three squads, and they rolled in during the early watch, taking out the Ammonites until it got hot. By then, everyone left was scattered, not even two were together.
And it was {so} on the morrow, that Saul put the people in three companies; and they came into the midst of the host in the morning watch, and slew the Ammonites until the heat of the day: and it came to pass, that they which remained were scattered, so that two of them were not left together.
The people asked Samuel, "Who said Saul shouldn’t be our king? Bring them here so we can settle this."
And the people said unto Samuel, Who {is} he that said, Shall Saul reign over us? bring the men, that we may put them to death.
Saul was like, "No one’s getting smoked today, because the Lord just brought us salvation in Israel."
And Saul said, There shall not a man be put to death this day: for to day the LORD hath wrought salvation in Israel.
Then Samuel told the crowd, "Let’s roll to Gilgal and reboot the kingdom there."
Then said Samuel to the people, Come, and let us go to Gilgal, and renew the kingdom there.
Everyone went to Gilgal, crowned Saul king before the Lord, and they threw down peace offerings; Saul and all the Israelites were vibing hard.
And all the people went to Gilgal; and there they made Saul king before the LORD in Gilgal; and there they sacrificed sacrifices of peace offerings before the LORD; and there Saul and all the men of Israel rejoiced greatly.