1 Kings Chapter 3
Solomon straight up connected with Pharaoh, the ruler of Egypt, and snagged his daughter, bringing her back to the city of David while he was crafting his crib, the Lord's house, and the walls of Jerusalem.
And Solomon made affinity with Pharaoh king of Egypt, and took Pharaoh's daughter, and brought her into the city of David, until he had made an end of building his own house, and the house of the LORD, and the wall of Jerusalem round about.
The crowd was still vibing with those sacrifices at high places since the Lord’s house hadn’t been crafted yet, you feel me?
Only the people sacrificed in high places, because there was no house built unto the name of the LORD, until those days.
Solomon was totally in the Lord's vibe, following in his dad David's footsteps, but he still sacrificed and lit incense at those high spots, for real.
And Solomon loved the LORD, walking in the statutes of David his father: only he sacrificed and burnt incense in high places.
The king bounced over to Gibeon to make a sacrifice there; it was the prime spot, and Solomon dropped a thousand burnt offerings on that altar, straight fire.
And the king went to Gibeon to sacrifice there; for that {was} the great high place: a thousand burnt offerings did Solomon offer upon that altar.
While he was in Gibeon, the Lord showed up to Solomon in a dream at night and was like, "Yo, hit me up with what you want."
In Gibeon the LORD appeared to Solomon in a dream by night: and God said, Ask what I shall give thee.
Solomon replied, "You showed hella mercy to my pops David since he rolled with you in truth and righteousness, and you’ve kept it real by giving me a son to sit on his throne, just like today."
And Solomon said, Thou hast shewed unto thy servant David my father great mercy, according as he walked before thee in truth, and in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart with thee; and thou hast kept for him this great kindness, that thou hast given him a son to sit on his throne, as {it is} this day. {mercy: or, bounty}
Now, Lord my God, you've made me king instead of my dad David, and I’m just a kid, fr; I don’t even know how to come in or roll out.
And now, O LORD my God, thou hast made thy servant king instead of David my father: and I {am but} a little child: I know not {how} to go out or come in.
Your servant is chilling in the midst of your chosen peeps, which is a massive squad that can’t even be counted, no cap.
And thy servant {is} in the midst of thy people which thou hast chosen, a great people, that cannot be numbered nor counted for multitude.
So, give your servant a wise heart to judge your people, so I can tell what's solid and what's sus: who can handle this huge crew?
Give therefore thy servant an understanding heart to judge thy people, that I may discern between good and bad: for who is able to judge this thy so great a people? {understanding: Heb. hearing}
And the Lord was totally stoked that Solomon asked for this.
And the speech pleased the Lord, that Solomon had asked this thing.
God was like, "You didn’t wish for long life or cash or for your enemies to be taken out; you just wanted the wisdom to vibe right."
And God said unto him, Because thou hast asked this thing, and hast not asked for thyself long life; neither hast asked riches for thyself, nor hast asked the life of thine enemies; but hast asked for thyself understanding to discern judgment; {long life: Heb. many days} {discern: Heb. hear}
So, check this out: I blessed you with a super wise heart, no one’s ever gonna be like you, fr.
Behold, I have done according to thy words: lo, I have given thee a wise and an understanding heart; so that there was none like thee before thee, neither after thee shall any arise like unto thee.
Plus, I threw in some extra blessings you didn’t even ask for, like mad cash and respect; you're gonna be the GOAT among kings, no cap.
And I have also given thee that which thou hast not asked, both riches, and honour: so that there shall not be any among the kings like unto thee all thy days. {shall...: or, hath not been}
If you stick to my ways and keep my rules like your dad David did, I’ll make your days last long.
And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days.
Solomon woke up and was like, "Whoa, that was just a dream." Then he rolled over to Jerusalem, stood before the ark, and dropped some burnt and peace offerings, throwing a feast for his crew.
And Solomon awoke; and, behold, {it was} a dream. And he came to Jerusalem, and stood before the ark of the covenant of the LORD, and offered up burnt offerings, and offered peace offerings, and made a feast to all his servants.
Then two women who were, like, not the best came to the king and stood there, ready to spill the tea.
Then came there two women, {that were} harlots, unto the king, and stood before him.
One of them was like, "Yo, my dude, me and this girl live together; we both had babies in the same crib."
And the one woman said, O my lord, I and this woman dwell in one house; and I was delivered of a child with her in the house.
Three days after I had my baby, she popped one out too; we were alone, just us in the house.
And it came to pass the third day after that I was delivered, that this woman was delivered also: and we {were} together; {there was} no stranger with us in the house, save we two in the house.
But then, her kid passed away at night 'cause she accidentally laid on it, savage.
And this woman's child died in the night; because she overlaid it.
She got up at midnight, snatched my son while I was knocked out, and put her dead kid next to me instead.
And she arose at midnight, and took my son from beside me, while thine handmaid slept, and laid it in her bosom, and laid her dead child in my bosom.
So I woke up in the morning to feed my kid, and fam, it was dead. But when I thought about it, I realized it wasn’t my son that I gave birth to.
And when I rose in the morning to give my child suck, behold, it was dead: but when I had considered it in the morning, behold, it was not my son, which I did bear.
The other woman was like, "Nah, the living one is my son, and your dead one is yours." And the other was like, "No cap, your dead one is yours, and my living one is mine." They were straight up beefing in front of the king.
And the other woman said, Nay; but the living {is} my son, and the dead {is} thy son. And this said, No; but the dead {is} thy son, and the living {is} my son. Thus they spake before the king.
Then the king was like, "One of y’all says, 'This is my living son, and yours is dead,' and the other says, 'Nah, your son is dead, and mine is living.'"
Then said the king, The one saith, This {is} my son that liveth, and thy son {is} the dead: and the other saith, Nay; but thy son {is} the dead, and my son {is} the living.
The king was like, "Bring me a sword." They brought a sword to him, no cap.
And the king said, Bring me a sword. And they brought a sword before the king.
The king said, "Slice the living child in half and give half to each of you."
And the king said, Divide the living child in two, and give half to the one, and half to the other.
Then the woman with the living kid got all emotional and said to the king, "My lord, just give her the living child and don’t kill it!" But the other was like, "Let it be neither mine nor yours, just split it."
Then spake the woman whose the living child {was} unto the king, for her bowels yearned upon her son, and she said, O my lord, give her the living child, and in no wise slay it. But the other said, Let it be neither mine nor thine, {but} divide {it}. {yearned: Heb. were hot}
The king was like, "Give her the living child and don’t slay it; she’s the real mom."
Then the king answered and said, Give her the living child, and in no wise slay it: she {is} the mother thereof.
And all of Israel heard about the king's call and were shook; they saw that God’s wisdom was on him to make the call.
And all Israel heard of the judgment which the king had judged; and they feared the king: for they saw that the wisdom of God {was} in him, to do judgment. {in him: Heb. in the midst of him}