1 Kings Chapter 22
For three years, Syria and Israel were just chilling, no beef. Solid vibes.
And they continued three years without war between Syria and Israel.
Then in the third year, Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, showed up to the king of Israel.
And it came to pass in the third year, that Jehoshaphat the king of Judah came down to the king of Israel.
The king of Israel was like, "Yo, Ramoth in Gilead is ours, why we just chilling? No cap."
And the king of Israel said unto his servants, Know ye that Ramoth in Gilead {is} ours, and we {be} still, {and} take it not out of the hand of the king of Syria? {still...: Heb. silent from taking it}
He asked Jehoshaphat, "You trying to throw down at Ramoth-Gilead with me?" Jehoshaphat was like, "I’m in, my squad’s your squad, my rides are your rides."
And he said unto Jehoshaphat, Wilt thou go with me to battle to Ramothgilead? And Jehoshaphat said to the king of Israel, I {am} as thou {art}, my people as thy people, my horses as thy horses.
Jehoshaphat suggested to the king of Israel, "Yo, let’s holla at the Lord and see what’s up today."
And Jehoshaphat said unto the king of Israel, Enquire, I pray thee, at the word of the LORD to day.
So the king of Israel gathered about 400 prophets and asked, "Should I go against Ramoth-Gilead or chill?" They all said, 'Go for it; the Lord's got your back.'
Then the king of Israel gathered the prophets together, about four hundred men, and said unto them, Shall I go against Ramothgilead to battle, or shall I forbear? And they said, Go up; for the Lord shall deliver {it} into the hand of the king.
Jehoshaphat was like, "Aren't there any other prophets from the Lord we can vibe with?"
And Jehoshaphat said, {Is there} not here a prophet of the LORD besides, that we might enquire of him?
The king of Israel replied, "There’s this one guy, Micaiah, son of Imlah, but I can’t vibe with him; he always spills bad tea about me." Jehoshaphat was like, "Chill out with that."
And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, {There is} yet one man, Micaiah the son of Imlah, by whom we may enquire of the LORD: but I hate him; for he doth not prophesy good concerning me, but evil. And Jehoshaphat said, Let not the king say so.
Then the king of Israel told an officer, "Yo, go snag Micaiah, son of Imlah, fast."
Then the king of Israel called an officer, and said, Hasten {hither} Micaiah the son of Imlah. {officer: or, eunuch}
The king of Israel and Jehoshaphat were posted up on their thrones, dripped out in robes, just vibing at the gate of Samaria, while all the prophets were prophesying in front of them.
And the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat the king of Judah sat each on his throne, having put on their robes, in a void place in the entrance of the gate of Samaria; and all the prophets prophesied before them. {void...: Heb. floor}
Zedekiah, son of Chenaanah, crafted these iron horns and was like, "Yo, the Lord says you’re gonna smash the Syrians, no cap."
And Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah made him horns of iron: and he said, Thus saith the LORD, With these shalt thou push the Syrians, until thou have consumed them.
All the prophets were on that vibe, saying, "Go to Ramoth-gilead and pop off; the Lord's got your back, fam."
And all the prophets prophesied so, saying, Go up to Ramothgilead, and prosper: for the LORD shall deliver {it} into the king's hand.
The messenger who called Micaiah was like, "Yo, all the prophets are saying good stuff for the king, so you should too, just keep it positive."
And the messenger that was gone to call Micaiah spake unto him, saying, Behold now, the words of the prophets {declare} good unto the king with one mouth: let thy word, I pray thee, be like the word of one of them, and speak {that which is} good.
Micaiah was like, "As the Lord lives, whatever He tells me, that's what I’m rolling with, periodt."
And Micaiah said, {As} the LORD liveth, what the LORD saith unto me, that will I speak.
So he rolls up to the king. The king asked, "Micaiah, should we go to battle at Ramoth-gilead or nah?" Micaiah said, "Do it, you’ll win, the Lord’s got this."
So he came to the king. And the king said unto him, Micaiah, shall we go against Ramothgilead to battle, or shall we forbear? And he answered him, Go, and prosper: for the LORD shall deliver {it} into the hand of the king.
The king was like, "How many times do I need to tell you to keep it real in the name of the Lord?"
And the king said unto him, How many times shall I adjure thee that thou tell me nothing but {that which is} true in the name of the LORD?
Micaiah said, "I peeped all of Israel scattered like sheep without a shepherd, and the Lord was like, 'They don’t have a leader; let everyone bounce home in peace.'"
And he said, I saw all Israel scattered upon the hills, as sheep that have not a shepherd: and the LORD said, These have no master: let them return every man to his house in peace.
The king of Israel told Jehoshaphat, "Didn’t I say he’d only drop bad vibes for me?"
And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, Did I not tell thee that he would prophesy no good concerning me, but evil?
Micaiah said, "Yo, I saw the Lord chilling on His throne, with all the heavenly crew beside Him."
And he said, Hear thou therefore the word of the LORD: I saw the LORD sitting on his throne, and all the host of heaven standing by him on his right hand and on his left.
The Lord was like, "Who’s gonna hype Ahab up to go fall at Ramoth-gilead?" One dude said this, another said that, all trying to figure it out.
And the LORD said, Who shall persuade Ahab, that he may go up and fall at Ramothgilead? And one said on this manner, and another said on that manner. {persuade: or, deceive}
Then a spirit came forward and stood before the Lord, saying, "I gotchu, I’ll convince him."
And there came forth a spirit, and stood before the LORD, and said, I will persuade him.
The Lord was like, "With what?" The spirit replied, "I’ll vibe as a lying spirit in the mouths of all his prophets." The Lord said, "You’ll persuade him, for sure: go ahead and do your thing."
And the LORD said unto him, Wherewith? And he said, I will go forth, and I will be a lying spirit in the mouth of all his prophets. And he said, Thou shalt persuade {him}, and prevail also: go forth, and do so.
So, peep this: the Lord dropped a lying spirit in the mouths of those prophets, and He’s got some sus intel for you.
Now therefore, behold, the LORD hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these thy prophets, and the LORD hath spoken evil concerning thee.
But Zedekiah, son of Chenaanah, walked up and smacked Micaiah on the cheek, asking, "Which way did the Spirit of the Lord dip from me to chat with you?"
But Zedekiah the son of Chenaanah went near, and smote Micaiah on the cheek, and said, Which way went the Spirit of the LORD from me to speak unto thee?
Micaiah said, "You’ll really see it on that day when you try to hide in a secret spot."
And Micaiah said, Behold, thou shalt see in that day, when thou shalt go into an inner chamber to hide thyself. {into...: or, from chamber to chamber: Heb. a chamber in a chamber}
The king of Israel said, "Take Micaiah back to Amon, the city’s governor, and to Joash, the king's son;"
And the king of Israel said, Take Micaiah, and carry him back unto Amon the governor of the city, and to Joash the king's son;
And tell them, "The king says to throw this dude in prison and feed him that struggle bread and water until I bounce back in peace."
And say, Thus saith the king, Put this {fellow} in the prison, and feed him with bread of affliction and with water of affliction, until I come in peace.
Micaiah said, "If you come back in peace, then the Lord didn’t speak through me. Everyone peep this!"
And Micaiah said, If thou return at all in peace, the LORD hath not spoken by me. And he said, Hearken, O people, every one of you.
So the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, pulled up to Ramoth-gilead.
So the king of Israel and Jehoshaphat the king of Judah went up to Ramothgilead.
The king of Israel told Jehoshaphat, "I’ll go incognito into battle; you just rock your robes." So the king of Israel went all undercover and jumped into the fray.
And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, I will disguise myself, and enter into the battle; but put thou on thy robes. And the king of Israel disguised himself, and went into the battle. {I will...: or, when he was to disguise himself, and enter into the battle}
The king of Syria told his 32 captains, "No cap, don’t mess with anyone except the king of Israel."
But the king of Syria commanded his thirty and two captains that had rule over his chariots, saying, Fight neither with small nor great, save only with the king of Israel.
When the chariot captains caught sight of Jehoshaphat, they were like, "For sure that’s the king of Israel," so they went after him, and Jehoshaphat was like, "Help!"
And it came to pass, when the captains of the chariots saw Jehoshaphat, that they said, Surely it {is} the king of Israel. And they turned aside to fight against him: and Jehoshaphat cried out.
But when they realized it wasn’t the king of Israel, they backed off from chasing him.
And it came to pass, when the captains of the chariots perceived that it {was} not the king of Israel, that they turned back from pursuing him.
A random dude let loose an arrow and hit the king of Israel right where it hurts; he told his chariot driver, "Yo, turn me around, I’m feeling it."
And a {certain} man drew a bow at a venture, and smote the king of Israel between the joints of the harness: wherefore he said unto the driver of his chariot, Turn thine hand, and carry me out of the host; for I am wounded. {at a...: Heb. in his simplicity} {joints...: Heb. joints and the breastplate} {wounded: Heb. made sick}
The battle escalated that day; the king stayed in his chariot against the Syrians but later died, with blood spilling out into the chariot.
And the battle increased that day: and the king was stayed up in his chariot against the Syrians, and died at even: and the blood ran out of the wound into the midst of the chariot. {increased: Heb. ascended} {midst: Heb. bosom}
A shout went out to the whole army as the sun was setting, "Everybody back to their city and country, let’s roll!"
And there went a proclamation throughout the host about the going down of the sun, saying, Every man to his city, and every man to his own country.
So the king passed away and was taken to Samaria; they buried him there, periodt.
So the king died, and was brought to Samaria; and they buried the king in Samaria. {was brought: Heb. came}
Someone cleaned the chariot in the Samaria pool, and the dogs licked up his blood, just like the Lord said would go down.
And {one} washed the chariot in the pool of Samaria; and the dogs licked up his blood; and they washed his armour; according unto the word of the LORD which he spake.
Now, all the other things Ahab did, like his fancy ivory house and the cities he built, aren’t they written in the chronicles of the kings of Israel?
Now the rest of the acts of Ahab, and all that he did, and the ivory house which he made, and all the cities that he built, {are} they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Israel?
Ahab bit the dust, and his son Ahaziah took over, no cap.
So Ahab slept with his fathers; and Ahaziah his son reigned in his stead.
Jehoshaphat, son of Asa, started flexing as king over Judah in Ahab's fourth year. Major vibes.
And Jehoshaphat the son of Asa began to reign over Judah in the fourth year of Ahab king of Israel.
Dude was 35 when he took the throne, ruling for 25 years in Jerusalem. His mom was Azubah, daughter of Shilhi, no cap.
Jehoshaphat {was} thirty and five years old when he began to reign; and he reigned twenty and five years in Jerusalem. And his mother's name {was} Azubah the daughter of Shilhi.
He walked the straight path like his pops Asa, keeping it real in the Lord's eyes; but those high places? Still a vibe for burning incense, fr.
And he walked in all the ways of Asa his father; he turned not aside from it, doing {that which was} right in the eyes of the LORD:
Jehoshaphat and the king of Israel were like, "Let’s chill," and made peace.
Nevertheless the high places were not taken away; {for} the people offered and burnt incense yet in the high places.
The rest of Jehoshaphat's moves and how he flexed in battle? Bet that’s in the chronicles of Judah's kings.
And Jehoshaphat made peace with the king of Israel.
He kicked out the leftover sodomites from his dad Asa's days. Savage.
Now the rest of the acts of Jehoshaphat, and his might that he shewed, and how he warred, {are} they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Judah?
No king in Edom, just a deputy holding it down.
And the remnant of the sodomites, which remained in the days of his father Asa, he took out of the land.
Jehoshaphat built ships to hit up Ophir for gold, but they got wrecked at Ezion–geber. Total sus.
{There was} then no king in Edom: a deputy {was} king.
Ahaziah, Ahab's son, was like, "Yo, let my squad roll with yours in the ships," but Jehoshaphat was not down.
Jehoshaphat made ships of Tharshish to go to Ophir for gold: but they went not; for the ships were broken at Eziongeber. {made...: or, had ten ships}
Jehoshaphat passed away and got laid to rest with his fam in David's city, then his son Jehoram took over. Periodt.
Then said Ahaziah the son of Ahab unto Jehoshaphat, Let my servants go with thy servants in the ships. But Jehoshaphat would not.
Ahaziah, Ahab's kid, starts flexing as king over Israel in Samaria during Jehoshaphat's seventeenth year, and he vibes for two years.
And Jehoshaphat slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David his father: and Jehoram his son reigned in his stead.
Dude was sus in the Lord's eyes, following his fam's bad vibes and Jeroboam's lead, making Israel trip up.
Ahaziah the son of Ahab began to reign over Israel in Samaria the seventeenth year of Jehoshaphat king of Judah, and reigned two years over Israel.
He was all about that Baal life, worshipping him and making the Lord mad, just like his pops did.
And he did evil in the sight of the LORD, and walked in the way of his father, and in the way of his mother, and in the way of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, who made Israel to sin: