1 Kings Chapter 21
So, Naboth from Jezreel had this sick vineyard right next to King Ahab's palace in Samaria. Major vibes.
And it came to pass after these things, {that} Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard, which {was} in Jezreel, hard by the palace of Ahab king of Samaria.
Ahab rolled up to Naboth and was like, "Yo, let me have that vineyard for my herb garden since it’s close to my spot. I’ll either trade you for a better one or throw some cash your way, no cap."
And Ahab spake unto Naboth, saying, Give me thy vineyard, that I may have it for a garden of herbs, because it {is} near unto my house: and I will give thee for it a better vineyard than it; {or}, if it seem good to thee, I will give thee the worth of it in money. {seem...: Heb. be good in thine eyes}
Naboth replied, "Nah fam, that’s a hard no. God told me I can’t let go of my fam’s land."
And Naboth said to Ahab, The LORD forbid it me, that I should give the inheritance of my fathers unto thee.
Ahab went home all bummed and salty about Naboth's answer. He flopped on his bed, turned away, and was like, "Not hungry, periodt."
And Ahab came into his house heavy and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him: for he had said, I will not give thee the inheritance of my fathers. And he laid him down upon his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no bread.
Jezebel, his wifey, came in and asked, "What’s got you looking so down, babe? You ain't eating?"
But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said unto him, Why is thy spirit so sad, that thou eatest no bread?
Ahab said, "I asked Naboth for his vineyard for cash or a swap, but he’s like, 'Nope.' So here we are."
And he said unto her, Because I spake unto Naboth the Jezreelite, and said unto him, Give me thy vineyard for money; or else, if it please thee, I will give thee {another} vineyard for it: and he answered, I will not give thee my vineyard.
Jezebel came back, "Are you even the king of Israel right now? Get up, eat something, and relax. I’ll grab Naboth's vineyard for you."
And Jezebel his wife said unto him, Dost thou now govern the kingdom of Israel? arise, {and} eat bread, and let thine heart be merry: I will give thee the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.
So she wrote letters in Ahab's name, sealed them with his stamp, and sent them to the elders and nobles hanging with Naboth.
So she wrote letters in Ahab's name, and sealed {them} with his seal, and sent the letters unto the elders and to the nobles that {were} in his city, dwelling with Naboth.
The letters said, "Call a fast and put Naboth on blast in front of everyone."
And she wrote in the letters, saying, Proclaim a fast, and set Naboth on high among the people: {on high...: Heb. in the top of the people}
"Then get two shady dudes to accuse him of cursing God and the king. Drag him out and stone him, so he’s outta here."
And set two men, sons of Belial, before him, to bear witness against him, saying, Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And {then} carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.
The city guys, like the elders and the rich peeps, totally followed Jezebel’s orders, just like she penned in those letters.
And the men of his city, {even} the elders and the nobles who were the inhabitants in his city, did as Jezebel had sent unto them, {and} as it {was} written in the letters which she had sent unto them.
They called for a fast and put Naboth in the spotlight in front of everyone.
They proclaimed a fast, and set Naboth on high among the people.
Then two sus dudes showed up, and they sat down to spill the tea: they claimed Naboth was cursing God and the king. They dragged him outta the city and stoned him to death.
And there came in two men, children of Belial, and sat before him: and the men of Belial witnessed against him, {even} against Naboth, in the presence of the people, saying, Naboth did blaspheme God and the king. Then they carried him forth out of the city, and stoned him with stones, that he died.
They hit up Jezebel, like, "Yo, Naboth got stoned and he’s gone."
Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, Naboth is stoned, and is dead.
When Jezebel learned Naboth was dead, she told Ahab, "Get up and claim that vineyard Naboth wouldn’t sell you for cash: he’s gone, no cap."
And it came to pass, when Jezebel heard that Naboth was stoned, and was dead, that Jezebel said to Ahab, Arise, take possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, which he refused to give thee for money: for Naboth is not alive, but dead.
Once Ahab found out Naboth was dead, he got up to go snag that vineyard.
And it came to pass, when Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, that Ahab rose up to go down to the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, to take possession of it.
Then the Lord slid into Elijah’s DMs, saying,
And the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,
"Yo, go meet Ahab, king of Israel, in Samaria: he’s in Naboth’s vineyard, trying to take it for himself."
Arise, go down to meet Ahab king of Israel, which {is} in Samaria: behold, {he is} in the vineyard of Naboth, whither he is gone down to possess it.
And you gotta tell him, "The Lord says, did you kill and seize what ain’t yours? For real, where dogs licked Naboth’s blood, they’ll lick your blood too."
And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Hast thou killed, and also taken possession? And thou shalt speak unto him, saying, Thus saith the LORD, In the place where dogs licked the blood of Naboth shall dogs lick thy blood, even thine.
Ahab was like, "You found me, my enemy?" And Elijah was like, "Yeah, I found you, 'cause you’ve been acting all sus in the Lord’s eyes."
And Ahab said to Elijah, Hast thou found me, O mine enemy? And he answered, I have found {thee}: because thou hast sold thyself to work evil in the sight of the LORD.
Yo, I’m about to drop some serious bad vibes on you, taking away your fam, and wiping out everyone who’s not with it in Israel, no cap.
Behold, I will bring evil upon thee, and will take away thy posterity, and will cut off from Ahab him that pisseth against the wall, and him that is shut up and left in Israel,
I’m gonna make your house look just like Jeroboam’s and Baasha’s, ‘cause you’ve been pushing my buttons and causing Israel to mess up, fr.
And will make thine house like the house of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, and like the house of Baasha the son of Ahijah, for the provocation wherewith thou hast provoked {me} to anger, and made Israel to sin.
And about Jezebel, the Lord was like, “The dogs are gonna feast on her by the wall of Jezreel, savage.”
And of Jezebel also spake the LORD, saying, The dogs shall eat Jezebel by the wall of Jezreel. {wall: or, ditch}
Whoever kicks the bucket in the city, the dogs are gonna eat; and whoever dies in the fields, the birds are gonna snack on, periodt.
Him that dieth of Ahab in the city the dogs shall eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat.
But Ahab? There’s no one else like him, he totally sold out to do evil in my sight, all thanks to his wife Jezebel stirring the pot.
But there was none like unto Ahab, which did sell himself to work wickedness in the sight of the LORD, whom Jezebel his wife stirred up. {stirred...: or, incited}
He went full sus with the idols, just like the Amorites, whom the Lord booted out before the Israelites, for real.
And he did very abominably in following idols, according to all {things} as did the Amorites, whom the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.
When Ahab peeped that, he ripped his clothes, threw on sackcloth, fasted, and was like, "I gotta chill."
And it came to pass, when Ahab heard those words, that he rent his clothes, and put sackcloth upon his flesh, and fasted, and lay in sackcloth, and went softly.
Then the word of the Lord dropped on Elijah the Tishbite, saying,
And the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,
“You see how Ahab’s humbling himself before me? Because he’s doing that, I won’t bring the bad vibes during his time, but I’ll drop it on his son’s house, bet.”
Seest thou how Ahab humbleth himself before me? because he humbleth himself before me, I will not bring the evil in his days: {but} in his son's days will I bring the evil upon his house.