1 Kings Chapter 20
So, Ben-hadad, the king of Syria, gathered his entire crew: 32 kings, tons of horses, chariots, the full situation, and he cruised into Samaria to stir up some trouble.
And Benhadad the king of Syria gathered all his host together: and {there were} thirty and two kings with him, and horses, and chariots: and he went up and besieged Samaria, and warred against it.
He slid into Ahab's DMs, the king of Israel, and was like, "Yo, check it, Ben-hadad's got something to say."
And he sent messengers to Ahab king of Israel into the city, and said unto him, Thus saith Benhadad,
"All your cash and gold? That’s mine now. Your wives and kids? Yep, those are mine too, no cap."
Thy silver and thy gold {is} mine; thy wives also and thy children, {even} the goodliest, {are} mine.
Ahab answered, "Bet, my king, I’m all yours, including everything I own."
And the king of Israel answered and said, My lord, O king, according to thy saying, I {am} thine, and all that I have.
The messengers returned, saying, "Ben-hadad's like, 'I know I requested your silver, gold, wives, and kids; just keep that in mind.'"
And the messengers came again, and said, Thus speaketh Benhadad, saying, Although I have sent unto thee, saying, Thou shalt deliver me thy silver, and thy gold, and thy wives, and thy children;
"But I’m sending my crew tomorrow to scope out your place and your servants' spots; whatever catches their eye, they’re taking it, fr."
Yet I will send my servants unto thee to morrow about this time, and they shall search thine house, and the houses of thy servants; and it shall be, {that} whatsoever is pleasant in thine eyes, they shall put {it} in their hand, and take {it} away. {pleasant: Heb. desirable}
The king called all the elders together and said, "Yo, check this out—this dude is causing chaos. He asked for my wives, kids, silver, and gold, and I didn’t refuse him."
Then the king of Israel called all the elders of the land, and said, Mark, I pray you, and see how this {man} seeketh mischief: for he sent unto me for my wives, and for my children, and for my silver, and for my gold; and I denied him not. {I denied...: Heb. I kept not back from him}
All the elders and the people were like, "Nah, don’t listen to him, just say no."
And all the elders and all the people said unto him, Hearken not {unto him}, nor consent.
So he told Ben-hadad's messengers, "Tell my king, I’ll do what you asked at first, but this part? Nah, ain't happening." The messengers left with the message.
Wherefore he said unto the messengers of Benhadad, Tell my lord the king, All that thou didst send for to thy servant at the first I will do: but this thing I may not do. And the messengers departed, and brought him word again.
Ben-hadad shot back, saying, "If the dust of Samaria fills the hands of everyone rolling with me, may the gods do worse to me!"
And Benhadad sent unto him, and said, The gods do so unto me, and more also, if the dust of Samaria shall suffice for handfuls for all the people that follow me. {follow...: Heb. are at my feet}
The king of Israel was like, "Yo, don’t flex unless you’re ready to back it up; putting on armor ain't the same as taking it off, no cap."
And the king of Israel answered and said, Tell {him}, Let not him that girdeth on {his harness} boast himself as he that putteth it off.
So when Ben-hadad heard this while chilling with his crew, he told his boys, "Get ready, we’re about to go off."
And it came to pass, when {Benhadad} heard this message, as he {was} drinking, he and the kings in the pavilions, that he said unto his servants, Set {yourselves in array}. And they set {themselves in array} against the city. {message: Heb. word} {pavilions: or, tents} {Set yourselves...: or, Place the engines. And they placed the engines}
A prophet came to Ahab and said, "God’s got your back; did you see that huge crew? You're gonna take them down today, fr."
And, behold, there came a prophet unto Ahab king of Israel, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Hast thou seen all this great multitude? behold, I will deliver it into thine hand this day; and thou shalt know that I {am} the LORD. {came: Heb. approached}
Ahab was like, "Who’s gonna do that?" The prophet replied, "God said it’s gonna be the young guys from the provinces." Ahab asked, "Who’s leading the squad?" and the prophet said, "That’s you."
And Ahab said, By whom? And he said, Thus saith the LORD, {Even} by the young men of the princes of the provinces. Then he said, Who shall order the battle? And he answered, Thou. {young...: or, servants} {order: Heb. bind, or, tie}
Ahab counted the young dudes from the provinces, and there were 232; then he counted all the peeps from Israel, and it was 7,000.
Then he numbered the young men of the princes of the provinces, and they were two hundred and thirty two: and after them he numbered all the people, {even} all the children of Israel, {being} seven thousand.
They rolled out at noon, but Ben-hadad was living it up with the kings, just vibing hard.
And they went out at noon. But Benhadad {was} drinking himself drunk in the pavilions, he and the kings, the thirty and two kings that helped him.
The young men from the provinces went out first, and Ben-hadad got word, "Yo, peeps are rolling outta Samaria."
And the young men of the princes of the provinces went out first; and Benhadad sent out, and they told him, saying, There are men come out of Samaria.
He was like, "If they're coming out for peace, let them live; if it’s war, still let them live."
And he said, Whether they be come out for peace, take them alive; or whether they be come out for war, take them alive.
So these young men from the provinces came out of the city, and the crew behind them followed.
So these young men of the princes of the provinces came out of the city, and the army which followed them.
They wiped out everyone they faced, and the Syrians bolted; Israel chased them down, and Ben-hadad bounced on a horse with the riders.
And they slew every one his man: and the Syrians fled; and Israel pursued them: and Benhadad the king of Syria escaped on an horse with the horsemen.
The king of Israel went out, took down the horses and chariots, and wiped out the Syrians like it was nothing, fr.
And the king of Israel went out, and smote the horses and chariots, and slew the Syrians with a great slaughter.
Then the prophet pulled up on the king of Israel and said, "Yo, get your strength up and pay attention, 'cause when the year flips, the king of Syria’s coming back for round two."
And the prophet came to the king of Israel, and said unto him, Go, strengthen thyself, and mark, and see what thou doest: for at the return of the year the king of Syria will come up against thee.
The servants of the Syrian king were like, "Their gods are only strong on the hills; that’s why they beat us. Let’s fight them in the plains, and we’ll definitely win, no cap."
And the servants of the king of Syria said unto him, Their gods {are} gods of the hills; therefore they were stronger than we; but let us fight against them in the plain, and surely we shall be stronger than they.
"Here’s the plan," they said, "Switch up the kings and put captains in charge instead."
And do this thing, Take the kings away, every man out of his place, and put captains in their rooms:
"Count up an army, just like the one we lost, horse for horse, chariot for chariot. We’ll battle them in the flatlands, and we’ll be way stronger." The king was like, "Bet," and followed their advice.
And number thee an army, like the army that thou hast lost, horse for horse, and chariot for chariot: and we will fight against them in the plain, {and} surely we shall be stronger than they. And he hearkened unto their voice, and did so. {that thou...: Heb. that was fallen}
When the year rolled around, Ben-hadad counted the Syrians and headed to Aphek to throw down against Israel.
And it came to pass at the return of the year, that Benhadad numbered the Syrians, and went up to Aphek, to fight against Israel. {to fight...: Heb. to the war with Israel}
The Israelites were all there, ready to roll, looking like two tiny flocks of goats, while the Syrians filled the whole area.
And the children of Israel were numbered, and were all present, and went against them: and the children of Israel pitched before them like two little flocks of kids; but the Syrians filled the country. {were all...: or, were nourished}
A man of God showed up and told the king of Israel, "God said, 'The Syrians think I’m only the God of the hills, but I’m about to hand over this massive crew to you, so you’ll know I’m legit.'"
And there came a man of God, and spake unto the king of Israel, and said, Thus saith the LORD, Because the Syrians have said, The LORD {is} God of the hills, but he {is} not God of the valleys, therefore will I deliver all this great multitude into thine hand, and ye shall know that I {am} the LORD.
They squared off for seven days, and on the seventh day, the battle kicked off. The Israelites took out a hundred thousand Syrian foot soldiers in just one day, that’s wild.
And they pitched one over against the other seven days. And {so} it was, that in the seventh day the battle was joined: and the children of Israel slew of the Syrians an hundred thousand footmen in one day.
The rest dipped to Aphek, but a wall collapsed on twenty-seven thousand of the stragglers. Ben-hadad bounced and hid in the city, in a secret spot.
But the rest fled to Aphek, into the city; and {there} a wall fell upon twenty and seven thousand of the men {that were} left. And Benhadad fled, and came into the city, into an inner chamber. {into an...: or, from chamber to chamber: Heb. into a chamber within a chamber}
The homies were like, “Yo, we heard the kings of Israel are chill. Let’s throw on some sackcloth and ropes, and slide to the king of Israel. Maybe he’ll save you, no cap.”
And his servants said unto him, Behold now, we have heard that the kings of the house of Israel {are} merciful kings: let us, I pray thee, put sackcloth on our loins, and ropes upon our heads, and go out to the king of Israel: peradventure he will save thy life.
So they put on the sackcloth and ropes, and came to the king of Israel, saying, “Yo, your boy Ben–hadad wants to live.” The king was like, “He’s still alive? That’s my dude.”
So they girded sackcloth on their loins, and {put} ropes on their heads, and came to the king of Israel, and said, Thy servant Benhadad saith, I pray thee, let me live. And he said, {Is} he yet alive? he {is} my brother.
The guys were lowkey looking for any news, and when they caught on, they said, “Your dude Ben–hadad is here.” Then he was like, “Bet, go get him.” So Ben–hadad rolled up, and he made him hop in the chariot.
Now the men did diligently observe whether {any thing would come} from him, and did hastily catch {it}: and they said, Thy brother Benhadad. Then he said, Go ye, bring him. Then Benhadad came forth to him; and he caused him to come up into the chariot.
Ben–hadad was like, “I’ll return the cities my dad took from yours, and you can have streets in Damascus like my dad did in Samaria.” Ahab was like, “Aight, let’s make an agreement.” So they made a pact and he let him go.
And {Benhadad} said unto him, The cities, which my father took from thy father, I will restore; and thou shalt make streets for thee in Damascus, as my father made in Samaria. Then {said Ahab}, I will send thee away with this covenant. So he made a covenant with him, and sent him away. {streets: or, market places}
Then a certain dude from the prophet squad said to his buddy, “Yo, hit me, please.” But the guy was like, “Nah, I’m good.”
And a certain man of the sons of the prophets said unto his neighbour in the word of the LORD, Smite me, I pray thee. And the man refused to smite him.
The prophet was like, “Since you didn’t listen to the Lord, just know, as soon as you bounce, a lion’s gonna take you out.” And as soon as he left, a lion found him and ended him.
Then said he unto him, Because thou hast not obeyed the voice of the LORD, behold, as soon as thou art departed from me, a lion shall slay thee. And as soon as he was departed from him, a lion found him, and slew him.
Then he found another dude and said, “Yo, hit me, please.” The guy smacked him, and it got messy.
Then he found another man, and said, Smite me, I pray thee. And the man smote him, so that in smiting he wounded {him}. {so that...: Heb. smiting and wounding}
So the prophet dipped, waiting for the king on the road, and put ashes on his face to disguise himself.
So the prophet departed, and waited for the king by the way, and disguised himself with ashes upon his face.
As the king rolled by, he yelled out, “Yo, your servant was in the battle, and a dude pulled me aside, saying, ‘Keep this guy safe. If he goes missing, your life for his, or you owe a talent of silver.’”
And as the king passed by, he cried unto the king: and he said, Thy servant went out into the midst of the battle; and, behold, a man turned aside, and brought a man unto me, and said, Keep this man: if by any means he be missing, then shall thy life be for his life, or else thou shalt pay a talent of silver. {pay: Heb. weigh}
And I was busy running around, and he vanished. The king of Israel was like, “That’s your judgment; you made that choice.”
And as thy servant was busy here and there, he was gone. And the king of Israel said unto him, So {shall} thy judgment {be}; thyself hast decided {it}. {he was...: Heb. he was not}
Dude quickly wiped the ashes off his face, and the king of Israel was like, "I see you, prophet vibes."
And he hasted, and took the ashes away from his face; and the king of Israel discerned him that he {was} of the prophets.
He hit him with, "God's saying, you let that dude go when he was supposed to be toast, so now your life is his life, and your crew is his crew, no cap."
And he said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, Because thou hast let go out of {thy} hand a man whom I appointed to utter destruction, therefore thy life shall go for his life, and thy people for his people.
The king of Israel headed back home all heavy and annoyed, then cruised over to Samaria.
And the king of Israel went to his house heavy and displeased, and came to Samaria.