1 Kings Chapter 14
During that time, Abijah, the child of Jeroboam, got sick, fr.
At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick.
Jeroboam said to his wifey, "Yo, you gotta go undercover so peeps don’t realize you're my wife. Make your way to Shiloh, 'cause Ahijah the prophet said I’d be king over this crew."
And Jeroboam said to his wife, Arise, I pray thee, and disguise thyself, that thou be not known to be the wife of Jeroboam; and get thee to Shiloh: behold, there {is} Ahijah the prophet, which told me that {I should be} king over this people.
"Bring ten loaves, some snacks, and honey, and cruise over to see him. He'll drop the details on what’s about to go down with the kid."
And take with thee ten loaves, and cracknels, and a cruse of honey, and go to him: he shall tell thee what shall become of the child. {with...: Heb. in thine hand} {cracknels: or, cakes} {cruse: or, bottle}
Jeroboam's wife did exactly that, bounced to Shiloh, and showed up at Ahijah's pad. But Ahijah was blind and couldn’t see, no cap.
And Jeroboam's wife did so, and arose, and went to Shiloh, and came to the house of Ahijah. But Ahijah could not see; for his eyes were set by reason of his age. {were...: Heb. stood for his hoariness}
The Lord told Ahijah, "Yo, Jeroboam's wife is coming to ask about her ill son. When she shows up, she’s gonna act all incognito."
And the LORD said unto Ahijah, Behold, the wife of Jeroboam cometh to ask a thing of thee for her son; for he {is} sick: thus and thus shalt thou say unto her: for it shall be, when she cometh in, that she shall feign herself {to be} another {woman}.
So when Ahijah heard her stepping at the door, he was like, "Come in, Jeroboam's wife! Why you fronting like someone else? I’ve got some intense news for you."
And it was {so}, when Ahijah heard the sound of her feet, as she came in at the door, that he said, Come in, thou wife of Jeroboam; why feignest thou thyself {to be} another? for I {am} sent to thee {with} heavy {tidings}. {heavy: Heb. hard}
"Go tell Jeroboam, 'This is what the Lord God of Israel says: I picked you out of the crowd and made you ruler over my people, Israel.'"
Go, tell Jeroboam, Thus saith the LORD God of Israel, Forasmuch as I exalted thee from among the people, and made thee prince over my people Israel,
"I took the kingdom from David's crew and handed it to you; but you ain't been like my dude David, who obeyed my commands and kept it real in my eyes, periodt."
And rent the kingdom away from the house of David, and gave it thee: and {yet} thou hast not been as my servant David, who kept my commandments, and who followed me with all his heart, to do {that} only {which was} right in mine eyes;
"But you’ve been acting wilder than anyone before you: you made other gods and idols, making me furious, and tossed me aside."
But hast done evil above all that were before thee: for thou hast gone and made thee other gods, and molten images, to provoke me to anger, and hast cast me behind thy back:
"So listen up, I’m bringing negative vibes to Jeroboam's house. I’ll take out everyone who pees against the wall and everyone left in Israel, wiping out the whole fam like it’s trash."
Therefore, behold, I will bring evil upon the house of Jeroboam, and will cut off from Jeroboam him that pisseth against the wall, {and} him that is shut up and left in Israel, and will take away the remnant of the house of Jeroboam, as a man taketh away dung, till it be all gone.
Whoever dies in Jeroboam's city, the dogs will feast; if they die in the field, the birds will dine. No cap, the Lord said it.
Him that dieth of Jeroboam in the city shall the dogs eat; and him that dieth in the field shall the fowls of the air eat: for the LORD hath spoken {it}.
Yo, head back home, 'cause once you hit the city, the kid's gonna pass away.
Arise thou therefore, get thee to thine own house: {and} when thy feet enter into the city, the child shall die.
All of Israel will be in their feels and give him a proper farewell, 'cause he’s the only one from Jeroboam getting buried. He had some solid vibes with the Lord God of Israel.
And all Israel shall mourn for him, and bury him: for he only of Jeroboam shall come to the grave, because in him there is found {some} good thing toward the LORD God of Israel in the house of Jeroboam.
Plus, the Lord’s gonna raise up a king for Israel, who’s gonna end Jeroboam’s fam that very day. Like, for real.
Moreover the LORD shall raise him up a king over Israel, who shall cut off the house of Jeroboam that day: but what? even now.
The Lord's gonna shake Israel like a reed in the water, pulling them outta this dope land He gave their ancestors, scattering them beyond the river 'cause they made those groves and made the Lord furious.
For the LORD shall smite Israel, as a reed is shaken in the water, and he shall root up Israel out of this good land, which he gave to their fathers, and shall scatter them beyond the river, because they have made their groves, provoking the LORD to anger.
He’s giving Israel up because of Jeroboam's sins, who messed up and got Israel to mess up too.
And he shall give Israel up because of the sins of Jeroboam, who did sin, and who made Israel to sin.
Jeroboam’s wife took off, went to Tirzah, and as she hit the door, the kid passed away.
And Jeroboam's wife arose, and departed, and came to Tirzah: {and} when she came to the threshold of the door, the child died;
They buried him, and all of Israel mourned, just like the Lord said through His servant Ahijah the prophet.
And they buried him; and all Israel mourned for him, according to the word of the LORD, which he spake by the hand of his servant Ahijah the prophet.
The rest of what Jeroboam did, like how he fought and ruled, yeah, that’s all in the chronicles of the kings of Israel.
And the rest of the acts of Jeroboam, how he warred, and how he reigned, behold, they {are} written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Israel.
Jeroboam ruled for 22 years, then he passed away and joined his fam, and his son Nadab took over.
And the days which Jeroboam reigned {were} two and twenty years: and he slept with his fathers, and Nadab his son reigned in his stead. {slept: Heb. lay down}
Rehoboam, Solomon's kid, was chilling in Judah. He was 41 when he started ruling, and he held it down for 17 years in Jerusalem, the city God chose. His mom's name was Naamah, and she was from Ammon.
And Rehoboam the son of Solomon reigned in Judah. Rehoboam {was} forty and one years old when he began to reign, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city which the LORD did choose out of all the tribes of Israel, to put his name there. And his mother's name {was} Naamah an Ammonitess.
Judah was straight sus in the eyes of the Lord, and they made Him jealous with their savage sins, way worse than what their families did.
And Judah did evil in the sight of the LORD, and they provoked him to jealousy with their sins which they had committed, above all that their fathers had done.
They built high places, idols, and groves on every hill and under every green tree. Total chaos.
For they also built them high places, and images, and groves, on every high hill, and under every green tree. {images: or, standing images, or, statues}
There were also some wild sodomites in the land, doing all the sus things the nations got kicked out for.
And there were also sodomites in the land: {and} they did according to all the abominations of the nations which the LORD cast out before the children of Israel.
So, in the fifth year of Rehoboam's reign, Shishak from Egypt rolled up on Jerusalem.
And it came to pass in the fifth year of king Rehoboam, {that} Shishak king of Egypt came up against Jerusalem:
He snatched the treasures from the Lord’s house and the king's crib; he took everything, even the gold shields Solomon crafted.
And he took away the treasures of the house of the LORD, and the treasures of the king's house; he even took away all: and he took away all the shields of gold which Solomon had made.
Rehoboam switched it up and made brass shields instead, giving them to the chief of the guard who watched over the king's door.
And king Rehoboam made in their stead brasen shields, and committed {them} unto the hands of the chief of the guard, which kept the door of the king's house. {guard: Heb. runners}
Whenever the king went to the Lord's house, the guards carried them and brought them back to the guard chamber.
And it was {so}, when the king went into the house of the LORD, that the guard bare them, and brought them back into the guard chamber.
Now, all the other stuff Rehoboam did, isn’t that in the chronicles of Judah's kings?
Now the rest of the acts of Rehoboam, and all that he did, {are} they not written in the book of the chronicles of the kings of Judah?
And there was beef between Rehoboam and Jeroboam all their days.
And there was war between Rehoboam and Jeroboam all {their} days.
Rehoboam passed away and got laid to rest with his fam in David's city. His mom was Naamah, from Ammon. Then his son Abijam took over the throne, no cap.
And Rehoboam slept with his fathers, and was buried with his fathers in the city of David. And his mother's name {was} Naamah an Ammonitess. And Abijam his son reigned in his stead. {Abijam: also called, Abijah: Gr. Abia}