1 Kings Chapter 13
A dude straight outta Judah, a man of God, came through with the vibe of the Lord while Jeroboam was just hanging at the altar, burning incense.
And, behold, there came a man of God out of Judah by the word of the LORD unto Bethel: and Jeroboam stood by the altar to burn incense. {burn: or, offer}
He hollered at the altar, "Yo altar, hear me out! The Lord's dropping a word: A kid named Josiah from David’s crew is gonna come through and roast the priests here, no cap."
And he cried against the altar in the word of the LORD, and said, O altar, altar, thus saith the LORD; Behold, a child shall be born unto the house of David, Josiah by name; and upon thee shall he offer the priests of the high places that burn incense upon thee, and men's bones shall be burnt upon thee.
He dropped a sign that day, saying, "Check it, this is the sign from the Lord: The altar's gonna get smashed, and the ashes will spill out everywhere."
And he gave a sign the same day, saying, This {is} the sign which the LORD hath spoken; Behold, the altar shall be rent, and the ashes that {are} upon it shall be poured out.
When king Jeroboam peeped what the man of God said about the altar, he tried to grab him, but his hand went all stiff, and he couldn’t pull it back.
And it came to pass, when king Jeroboam heard the saying of the man of God, which had cried against the altar in Bethel, that he put forth his hand from the altar, saying, Lay hold on him. And his hand, which he put forth against him, dried up, so that he could not pull it in again to him.
The altar got totally wrecked too, and the ashes spilled out just like the man of God said, fr.
The altar also was rent, and the ashes poured out from the altar, according to the sign which the man of God had given by the word of the LORD.
The king was like, "Yo, man of God, pray to the Lord for me so my hand can be healed." The man of God came through for him, and the king's hand was all good again, just like before.
And the king answered and said unto the man of God, Intreat now the face of the LORD thy God, and pray for me, that my hand may be restored me again. And the man of God besought the LORD, and the king's hand was restored him again, and became as {it was} before. {the LORD, and: Heb. the face of the LORD, etc}
The king offered, "Come chill at my spot, grab a bite, and I’ll hook you up with a reward."
And the king said unto the man of God, Come home with me, and refresh thyself, and I will give thee a reward.
The man of God responded, "Even if you offered me half your crib, I ain't rolling with you or eating or drinking here, periodt."
And the man of God said unto the king, If thou wilt give me half thine house, I will not go in with thee, neither will I eat bread nor drink water in this place:
The Lord told me, "No bread, no water, and don’t go back the same way you came."
For so was it charged me by the word of the LORD, saying, Eat no bread, nor drink water, nor turn again by the same way that thou camest.
So he bounced another way and didn’t head back to Beth-el the same route.
So he went another way, and returned not by the way that he came to Bethel.
There was this old prophet vibing in Beth-el, and his sons came through, spilling all the details about what the man of God did that day, including the talk with the king.
Now there dwelt an old prophet in Bethel; and his sons came and told him all the works that the man of God had done that day in Bethel: the words which he had spoken unto the king, them they told also to their father.
Their pops was like, "Yo, which way did he dip?" since the boys saw where the man of God went, straight outta Judah.
And their father said unto them, What way went he? For his sons had seen what way the man of God went, which came from Judah.
He told his sons, "Saddle me that donkey." They saddled it up, and he hopped on.
And he said unto his sons, Saddle me the ass. So they saddled him the ass: and he rode thereon,
He chased after the man of God and found him chilling under an oak, asking, "Are you the man of God who came from Judah?" The man was like, "Yup, that's me."
And went after the man of God, and found him sitting under an oak: and he said unto him, {Art} thou the man of God that camest from Judah? And he said, I {am}.
Then he said, "Slide through to my crib and grab some bread."
Then he said unto him, Come home with me, and eat bread.
The man replied, "Nah fam, I can't roll back with you, nor eat or drink here."
And he said, I may not return with thee, nor go in with thee: neither will I eat bread nor drink water with thee in this place:
The Lord told me, "No bread, no water in this spot, and don’t go back the same way you came."
For it was said to me by the word of the LORD, Thou shalt eat no bread nor drink water there, nor turn again to go by the way that thou camest. {it...: Heb. a word was}
The dude said, "I’m a prophet too, just like you; an angel slid into my DMs saying, 'Bring him back to your place to eat and drink.' But he was totally capping.
He said unto him, I {am} a prophet also as thou {art}; and an angel spake unto me by the word of the LORD, saying, Bring him back with thee into thine house, that he may eat bread and drink water. {But} he lied unto him.
So he went back with him, and they ate bread at his crib and drank some water.
So he went back with him, and did eat bread in his house, and drank water.
While they were chilling at the table, the word of the Lord hit the prophet who brought him back.
And it came to pass, as they sat at the table, that the word of the LORD came unto the prophet that brought him back:
Dude yelled out to the man of God from Judah, saying, "Yo, the Lord's not feeling your disobedience, and you totally ignored His commandments, fr."
And he cried unto the man of God that came from Judah, saying, Thus saith the LORD, Forasmuch as thou hast disobeyed the mouth of the LORD, and hast not kept the commandment which the LORD thy God commanded thee,
"But you came back, ate bread, and drank water when the Lord said, 'No bread, no water'; now your body ain't gonna chill in your fam's grave, periodt."
But camest back, and hast eaten bread and drunk water in the place, of the which {the LORD} did say to thee, Eat no bread, and drink no water; thy carcase shall not come unto the sepulchre of thy fathers.
After he ate and drank, he saddled up the donkey for the prophet he brought back, no cap.
And it came to pass, after he had eaten bread, and after he had drunk, that he saddled for him the ass, {to wit}, for the prophet whom he had brought back.
But then a lion popped up on the road and straight-up took him out; his body was left there, and the donkey was just chilling by it while the lion stood guard.
And when he was gone, a lion met him by the way, and slew him: and his carcase was cast in the way, and the ass stood by it, the lion also stood by the carcase.
Some folks passed by, saw the body on the road, and the lion just chilling there too; they went and spilled the tea in the city where the old prophet lived.
And, behold, men passed by, and saw the carcase cast in the way, and the lion standing by the carcase: and they came and told {it} in the city where the old prophet dwelt.
When the prophet who brought him back heard about it, he was like, "That's the man of God who didn't listen to the Lord's word; now the Lord let the lion do its thing, savage."
And when the prophet that brought him back from the way heard {thereof}, he said, It {is} the man of God, who was disobedient unto the word of the LORD: therefore the LORD hath delivered him unto the lion, which hath torn him, and slain him, according to the word of the LORD, which he spake unto him. {torn: Heb. broken}
He told his sons, "Saddle me that donkey," and they got it done.
And he spake to his sons, saying, Saddle me the ass. And they saddled {him}.
He went and found the body on the road, with the donkey and the lion just standing by it; the lion didn't eat the body or mess with the donkey, sus.
And he went and found his carcase cast in the way, and the ass and the lion standing by the carcase: the lion had not eaten the carcase, nor torn the ass. {torn: Heb. broken}
The prophet picked up the body of the man of God, put it on the donkey, and brought it back; then the old prophet went to the city to mourn and bury him, lit.
And the prophet took up the carcase of the man of God, and laid it upon the ass, and brought it back: and the old prophet came to the city, to mourn and to bury him.
He laid the body in his own grave, and they were all mourning, saying, "Man, what a loss, my brother!"
And he laid his carcase in his own grave; and they mourned over him, {saying}, Alas, my brother!
After he buried him, he told his sons, "When I kick the bucket, just put me next to the dude of God in the tomb, vibe check my bones with his."
And it came to pass, after he had buried him, that he spake to his sons, saying, When I am dead, then bury me in the sepulchre wherein the man of God {is} buried; lay my bones beside his bones:
The shout he tossed down by the Lord's word against the altar in Beth-el and all the high places in Samaria? That’s gonna go down for real.
For the saying which he cried by the word of the LORD against the altar in Bethel, and against all the houses of the high places which {are} in the cities of Samaria, shall surely come to pass.
Jeroboam just kept living that sus life, bringing in the low-key people as priests for those high places: if you wanted in, he made you a priest.
After this thing Jeroboam returned not from his evil way, but made again of the lowest of the people priests of the high places: whosoever would, he consecrated him, and he became {one} of the priests of the high places. {made...: Heb. returned and made} {consecrated...: Heb. filled his hand}
This whole situation became a major sin for Jeroboam's fam, like, cutting them off and wiping them from existence, no cap.
And this thing became sin unto the house of Jeroboam, even to cut {it} off, and to destroy {it} from off the face of the earth.